Lil Spill

This is Daniel’s blog from his time in Russia

Scared shitless

Black people count:  1, 2, 3

We arrived in Moscow on Saturday.  The owners had prepared a party for us and all of the stuff with a huge spread of food.  I have to admit, I am a pussy when it comes to trying new food.  According to Lil, I was very rude because I didn’t try everything.  In that case, I was extremely rude because I hardly ate anything.  Luckily, the owners are aware of my aversion to weird food and filet mignons were served later.

Later, we went on what they call a Fleshmob here.  Definitely not something we would do in the states.  It was pretty uncomfortable.  We were going into bars and the girls were wearing coyote shirts and doing their dances on the dance floors of the bars.  Needless to say, we set records on number of bars kicked out of in one night and fastest kick outs.  We lasted around 5 mins in each bar.

It was very difficult Pre-Grand Opening

Bounce getting the girls here trained properly.  The gun system and ice didn’t appear until the day before the opening, so I had about 3 hours with the girls prior to opening.  Brutal!  I’m afraid the American coyotes won’t be much faster since they can’t speak Russian.

On Tuesday, myself, Erika (Denver Coyote), Caitlin (Memphis Coyote), Pump (Traveling security trainer), and Bounce (San Antonio Coyote) all went across from the hotel to a gas station to get some snacks.  I will preface this with the fact that there are almost no black people in Russia.  After three days, we had spotted two others besides Bounce.  The following has turned into the story of the trip and has yet to be topped….  We walk in and all pick out some water and chips, etc.  I go to pay first.  I pay and ask for a receipt.  The lady proceeds to THROW two plastic bags at me accompanied by a glare.  A little shocking, but not too crazy.  I go outside.  Bounce pays and leaves and meets me outside.  The others proceed to checkout.  As soon as they are done, the attendant runs over to the window and stares Bounce down.  Bounce turns her head and is startled by the angry stare she is receiving from this lady.  I am obviously laughing at this point.  As we leave, the crew of the station proceeds to block off the entire gas station with signs.  We all decided that it was a Whites Only gas station and they must have to disinfect everything before reopening.  We think the signs must have been “Whites only” signs.  Obviously, this may not be true because none of us speak or read Russian, but the stares Bounce was getting on the way out makes it viable.  Needless to say, we have not been back to visit this gas station or any other for that matter.   It will always amaze me that there was a time that it was worse than this in the States.   It really shouldn’t be as funny as it was, but if you were there and have any sense of humor, you would have died laughing.  We still laugh about people’s ignorance every day.

We have been counting the number of black people we see and giving high fives every time we see one.  This makes Bounce’s day when she sees another black person.  I decided to keep a count in my blog.

Lil and Lee took it upon themselves to call me fat on a daily basis since our arrival.  My brain has not been working well, and I have not come up with any good retorts.  Need to get some sleep if I’m going get my quickness back.  Anyways, according to WebMD, my weight is in the normal range, so as far as that is concerned, Lil and Lee can suck one……

Grand Opening

Bounce:  Getting more comfortable

Black people count:  4

This has definitely been one of the more trying experiences of my life.  Over the past few years as regional manager, I have become accustomed to making sure things get done the way they are supposed to (some would disagree and say I get them done the way I want them), but either way, it has worked so far.  I take pride in the fact that when I say I will do something or achieve something, I do.  Period.  Here, I cannot really give orders as I am working for the owners here, so some of my suggestions have fallen on deaf ears it seems.  We ran out of ice and change on opening night.  Two very important things in the world of bars.  You cannot operate without them.  Lil actually called it the night before.  She said,”Has anybody made sure that these guys have all the basics covered such as change?”  Pretty amazing since we were out of change within a couple of hours of opening.   We fought through it, though.  Throughout the night, I was warning the owners of these problems, but nobody seemed to care.  I finally freaked out and got pretty pissed.  I think Lil thought it was funny, but I am just used to having things run as smoothly as possible when it comes to things we can control.  Oh well……

Overall, the opening went okay.  The ring was pretty solid.  Tips were not very good.  Something we will have to work on during our entire trip.  Everything is tougher here because of the language barrier.

Day 2 – Thursday

Bounce:  Still alive

Black people count: 5

Today, we all met in the office to talk about the grand opening.  Lil, myself, Lee, Ruslan (Russian owner), and Anna (Russian owner).  I got a little upset about the lack of attention to the issues that had arisen during the grand opening.  I felt like there was a lot not getting done that needed attention.  Hopefully things will start getting taken care tomorrow.   Slower night than expected at the bar….

Day 3 – Friday

Bounce:  Not kidnapped yet

Black people count: 6

A lot busier tonight.  People are staying all night long which means they’re having fun, but we just need a few more bodies through the door to really get it going here.  The owners here are starting to understand the seriousness of making sure everything is set up correctly.  Very happy with their efforts to make sure things run smoother.  Starting to see a lot of myself in the manager.  She is female and very tough.  All of the Russian coyotes are very scared of her.  Reminds me of myself a few years ago.  Lil has been trying to soften me up over the past couple of years, and these days, I think I have gotten too soft.  I’m sure there are a few girls out there that have received one of my verbal lashings that would disagree.

Jeff W. stopped by the bar tonight to have a beer or ten and say goodbye.  He flies back to U.S. tomorrow.  One of the Russian coyotes came in to party on her day off, and he thought she was throwing some looks my way.  This particular girl calls me “Big Boss Man.”  Jeff thought that was very funny, so he is now addressing me in emails as the big boss man.  I could get used to that…….

Day 4 – Saturday

Bounce – Wondering why she is such a pussy when it comes to drinking.  Also wondering how she can hold a gallon of cappuccino in her belly.

Black people count:  Remains at 6

I’ve had trouble sleeping the entire trip here.  My clock is so messed up in the states because my hours vary depending on what city I’m in and what I’m doing in that city.  Sometimes closing down the bar, sometimes just doing meetings with the managers during the day.  Doing both for quite a while here, so I haven’t been able to get a decent sleep schedule.  All the girls and Pump are having the same problem.  Looking forward to a day off tomorrow.  Ruslan and Anna are taking all of us to dinner, then to the strip club.  The women here are beautiful so I’m expecting to be amazed.

I can tell the Russian coyotes are improving.  The ones that pay attention are quickly rising above the others.  It is very difficult to teach them sales without speaking their language.  Even the translators have trouble translating some of the things I have to say.  Although Lil would not want me to say half the things I do, Anna (Russian owner) actually asked me to be hard on the girls.  Love it….

Bar did decent.  Still need more people through the door.

Day 5 – Sunday

Bounce:  Happy (obviously, she got her first lapdance)

Black people count: 6

Finally got to sleep in today.  Much needed.

We went to the bar and met Anna and Ruslan at 8:00pm.  We went to Goodman’s Steakhouse for some Filet Mignon.  We found out tonight that we achieved quite a few firsts for Bounce.  First Filet Mignon, first lapdance (more on that later), and first time to see snow.  She must’ve lived a very sheltered life.  Dinner was great.  I’m starting to realize what crappy hosts Americans are (including myself).  Ruslan and Anna have taken phenomenal care of us during our time here.  Ruslan and I had a rough start during his training in the states, but he has become a friend of mine ever since then.  A sincere thank you to both of them for making our time here so enjoyable.

So, after steaks, we went to a strip club called Showgirls.  Ruslan bought all of us a lapdance.  I think Bounce and Caitlin got the best of them.  Caitlin couldn’t decide which girl she wanted, so I suggested that she get the two that were always dancing together.  Bounce picked a girl in a very interesting outfit.  I won’t go into too much detail on what happened back there with them, but I would guess that there were more clothes shed than the stripper had on……..

After the strip club, Ruslan, me, Caitlin, Bounce, and Erika all went to Ruslan’s karaoke club.  I have sang (most would consider it screeching) karaoke twice in my life.  The last time was in Orlando where I sang “Ice, Ice, Baby.”  There was not a single sound from the crowd at the conclusion of that rendition.  I must’ve gotten hammered because I did quite a few songs at Ruslan’s club.  Bounce was very scared to sing, but she was actually pretty good.  Caitlin and Erika sang a few, and Ruslan surprised us all with a few renditions of a few Russian songs.  Overall, a great time!

Day 6 – Monday

Bounce:  Tired from a long weekend.  Wondering why she didn’t see any black people today.

Black people count:  Remains at 6

Went into the bar today.  Had a meeting with all of the managers and owners regarding all of my notes from the first week.  I think it went well.  It is nice to know that the advice I give them is not falling on deaf ears.  The coyote concept, in my opinion, is a lot tougher to understand than it may seem.  It takes a lot of training to actually get it right.  I have my fingers crossed that they are able to get it quickly and run with it.

The bar was very slow tonight.  We need to get the weekdays up and running.

Day 7 – Tuesday

Bounce:  Wondering where the black people are?

Black people count: 7

Pump, the girls, and I went in tonight to observe and push the girls some while on their shift.  They got a decent crowd in there and the girls were selling bodyshots like crazy.  It was good to see.  We gave them pointers throughout the night and we may have had a few cocktails during the night.  It was a long night, but I think a lot was accomplished by it.

Pump is beginning to feel worthless.  He really can’t communicate with the security staff, so he is just mainly focusing on keeping the American girls safe during their stay.  He wasn’t feeling well tonight, but he toughed it out.  He’s been great at making sure the girls don’t do anything retarded, so kudos to him….

Day 8 – Wednesday

Bounce:  Wondering why people still speak to you in Russian when they know you don’t speak Russian.  Also wondering where all the black people are.  Still alive and kicking.

Black people count: 8, 9, 10

I think I got a bit hammered last night.  Anna and I were talking downstairs for awhile.  Didn’t really realize it until I woke up this morning.  I needed to get drunk.  I’ve been a lot more sober in Russia than I expected.  They don’t drink vodka for breakfast like I was hoping they would.  I would probably have to move here if that was the case…..

Okay, this was a fucked up day.  The girls and I were running out of clothes, so Ruslan arranged for a driver to pick us up and take us to a Laundromat.  Wow!  It was 45 minutes away.  It was tiny.  It had a little old lady that kept speaking Russian to us even though we had told her multiple times that we only speak English.  It had the slowest water in the world.  It didn’t have enough seats.  Anyways, it ended up taking us about 5 hours to do our laundry.  I felt bad for the drivers waiting on us.  The water was just dripping, so washing a load took almost 2 hours.  Insane.  The Russian lady that was in charge kept talking to us, so I started singing her a song in English.  It went something like, “This laundromat blows, your water sucks.”  She didn’t understand.  The dryers sucked too, so I ended up just taking my clothes back wet.  I ended up trying to sleep on the floor while Bounce, Erika, and Caitlin tried to sleep on the chairs…  Brutal.

We went into the bar tonight and I had just sat down to start working on email when Ruslan walked up to me and said, “You want to go to strip club again.”  Needless to say, my arm did not have to get twisted.  He and I went while Pump and the girls stayed at coyote working with the girls.  Was fun hanging out with him.  We went to a couple of places and had a great time.  The women here are stunning and ridiculously thin and in shape.  I also added 3 to the black people count while there….