Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Very sad. Indian Larry past away yesterday. He was always so nice when he came into the New Orleans and New york bars. This is so sad on the eve of Steel Ponies. I can’t say it enough “what a nice man and a bad ass biker.” Very sad day.

posted by Liliana @ 11:16 PM

Monday, August 30, 2004

Saturday night in San Antonio, one of the girls ( Seth) challenged an army guy to a push up contest. Our girl happens to be a personal trainer. He could only do 25. She did 32 and ended the challenge by saying ” I can do more but this is already humiliating you.” I love that. That makes me very happy.
Saturday night at the New Orleans bar. The girls did an excellent job. I was very pleased.
Kevin is in Nashville. We will know in the next week if the surprise city is a reality. I’m crossing my fingers. A lot going on.

posted by Liliana @ 9:22 PM

Saturday, August 28, 2004

I had to open the New Orleans bar today. Wendy and Mara show up early. Mara proceeds to throw up 4 times in the bathroom. “Mara, why didn’t you call and tell me you were sick?” Mara’s response: “Well I wasn’t sure if it was alright.” I told her to go home. Not only was she not able to work I was worried that all the other girls would get sick. Man I hope I don’t get a stomach virus now. Those are the worst.

Kevin’s in Nashville. He’s getting the ball moving. I am so excited. Finally a town that appreciates country music. The NY bar’s roots come from country music. What has happened since we have travelled across the country is that most of the girls are not familiar with country. New Yorkers seem to know a lot more country music then southerners. So I’ve had to improvise and put on more Kid Rock, Drowning Pool, etc. (I know the Vegas jukebox is almost all hip-hop and Rap. That bar is a franchise. Simply not appropriate for a Coyote). Back to my point, I’m so excited for Nashville because we can go back to our roots!

Tonight is Angel’s big bachelorette party. I think it starts at LA Hard Bodies. I enjoy a good male stripper.

posted by Liliana @ 4:39 PM

Thursday, August 26, 2004

It might be that the surprise city opens before nashville. I hope so . I’m ready to go. The San Antonio girls definitely need more work. They haven’t hit their stride yet and I’m waiting for a few girls to rise to the top. To the amateur eye, you could walk into the san Antonio bar and think everything was fine. They are 95% there. I just need them to have a bit more courage. It will come. Kim the dance captain is a phenomenal dancer. I was watching her freestyle dance the other night, I swear she is in the top tier of dancers from all the Coyotes. It’s interesting viewing the Austin girls, who have only been Coyotes for 6 months, shine. They have their confidence. They make sure to create energy and drive business. The San Antonio girls will get there. They just need to lose a little inhibition.
This Saturday night is Angel’s, from New Orleans, bacholerette party. ” Run Angel run Let’s all go to the male strip club have a lot of drinks and call it a day. He’ll be alright ” Only kidding. I wish her the best of luck. I hope she finds her soulmate in this man and they live in happiness forever.

posted by Liliana @ 11:44 AM

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

So maternal this morning. Jackson is still sleeping so I wanted to surprise him with homemade peanut butter cookies. What he won’t know, until he is older, is that the cookies are made with spelt flour instead of white flour. And I substituted soy nut butter ( roasted) for peanut butter. I blame all of this on Dr. D’damo. ( “Eat right 4 your type”) I started the blood type diet about 6 years ago. Being type O I can’t eat any wheat. I’ve tried spelt flour, rice flour, soy flour, buckwheat. They all taste like crap in comparison to regular white flour. The kicker is that if you go into a health food store to buy a spelt flour cookie, cake etc, they all have corn syrup in them. Well of course my blood type can’t have corn syrup either. Regardless, Jackson was very happy with all the foods he was having until he went to school. Two years ago when he started pre-k he was introduced to regular cookies , cakes, popcorn( against type O), candies. At the end of his first year the teachers asked everyone what they loved the most. All the kids said their mommies and daddies. Jackson said ” popcorn”. He’ll thank me one day!
Kyle , head of security in Ny, has been training for the AM job in Nashville. He has spent the last few days in San Antonio working with the managers, Kevin, and Lee. Kyle has worked for me for 7 years. I trust him implicitly. This will be a good move for him. A few old, almost dead deals, have been breathing some new life. We have our hands full until mid next year. I’m very happy about that.

posted by Liliana @ 9:37 AM

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Marshall’s manager log tonight was hysterical, except for the fact that it was a slow night. He wrote about how a female( customer) was hitting on him. She said ” Marshall, you are so hot. You remind me of my cousin!” That is wrong on so many levels. But I enjoy hearing about it. I have never understood the trucker hat fad. Trucker hats are so unattractive. But Lee pushed me and pushed me and now we sell thousands of these hats. And the girls buy them too. Who knew?
I’m getting a ton of e-mails from people in Nashville. We’ll be there soon!!! Quite a few e-mails about Maria and Kristy ( sp) from NY. You guys have a few fans this week. Excellent.

posted by Liliana @ 6:31 AM

Monday, August 23, 2004

Jeff is away. Nice life. He goes away all the time. Anything interesting going on today? Not really same old same old. Kevin is getting started on Nashville and Lee is finishing up the short term marketing plan for San Antonio.
I have always bought Apple computers. Recently I was told that my Mac is not compatible with the POS software that we purchased. So frustrating. I love Mac but I may have to give in and get a pc just to log onto the bars’ computers and security. People ask me why I love Mac so much. Simple, I made a lot of money on apple stock. So I feel obliged to stick with the company. Aaron and I are going tomorrow to play Carribean stud.
I have a funny story. In New Orleans we have had some problems with a certain political person. It just seems at every turn this person tries to put the screws to us. It baffles me considering what we have done for that neighborhood. We employ people. We provide security which in turn provides security to residents. New businesses are moving in because we are successful. We pay our taxes. That said , this person does not seem to want us to succeed. Aaron went to an auction thrown by the local restaurant association. One of the items up for auction was a lunch for 4 with this particular person. Guess who bid and won the lunch for 4? Yes aaron. I’m very excited about this meeting. Should prove interesting. That’s why I love aaron. Always thinking.

posted by Liliana @ 12:25 PM

Friday, August 20, 2004

Just so you know a general manager’s job is very hard. Most of these people work 50 hours in the bar and then an extra 20 hours marketing for the bar. I just received an e-mail from my general manager in San Antonio. I’m still laughing from reading this: Kelly is the GM Joel is an assistant manager:

Just thought yall were wondering. Joel and I are finally getting better from our illness. Joel is not coughing as much and I finally broke my fever. I know yall were real worried and thinking you should come work for us until we were better. We are doing good except all the medication I’m on is still making me a little loopy or is that normal? The only thing good about the flu is I lost 5lbs. Have a Wonderful Day!!!!
Kelly

Some people pay money and starve themselves to lose 5 lbs. The perks of working a wonderful job at Coyote Ugly.

Charlotte girls: Good Luck and I’m sorry I could not go for your opening night.

posted by Liliana @ 8:08 PM

Thursday, August 19, 2004

The bills keep on popping up. My god. I’m sickened over my bills today.
When the mail shows up at my house I need a crane to pick it up. It’s ridiculous. Jackson is now completely obsessed with spiderman. Well of course every store I go in has a new spiderman toy. I’m worse then he is. I can’t help but buy these toys.
That’s it! I’m on a budget starting tomorrow!

posted by Liliana @ 4:42 PM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

I’m sorry if you have written me and I didn’t respond. Between the San Antonio trip and my last trip to Orlando, I have so many e-mails. I’m usually very good at responding to people. But I just deleted all of them because I just can’t get to them all. If it was important just e-mail me again.
A lot going on. I may be visiting our Nashville space this weekend. I’ve never been to Nashville. I’m very excited. It seems that the Dubai people are still interested. Let me preface this statement by saying , we had a great time in Dubai, but Kevin informed me that he will not be returning to Dubai to help. ” Sorry Lil, I just can’t go back to the Middle East.” Even though Dubai is removed from all of this war time, it’s still in the heart of the middle east and I can’t blame Kevin for not wanting to go.
We are still in talks with CMT about a series. They don’t seem to want to pay us anything. Nothing’s for free and this is going to be 10 weeks of my time , Jacqui’s time, and the use of the Coyote Ugly name.
Well that’s all i can talk about today. Til next time.

posted by Liliana @ 9:39 AM

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Things are moving. Nashville, Denver, and a surprise city are slated to open before the years end. Very exciting. Just looking over the last weeks numbers for the bars I run. Very exciting. NY is kicking some butt. New Orleans had a really strong weekend and last night was phenomenal. Austin seems to have weathered the slow summer months vertially (sp?) unscathed in fact doing really well and San antonio is just kicking butt and taking names. I love coming home and seeing that.
Negative side: Licensees are pulling shit this week. What a fucking headache. as the expression goes ” I made my bed now I have to lie in it”

posted by Liliana @ 2:57 PM

Monday, August 16, 2004

We finally made it home. After 3 days I finally got us on a flight home ( or should I say flights). They booked us from Orlando to Ft. Lauderdale. Ft. Lauderdale to Tampa ( usually 1 hour drive from Orlando but after hurricane 6 hours). And then tampa to New Orleans. Jackson faired pretty well. I was fit to be tied by the end of the trip.
Last night I was supposed to bring the San Antonio girls to see one of my favorite teams in Austin ( Esther, JJ, Emmy) But obviously I could not make it. Kevin said to me ” Just schedule your flight at night”. I just spent the last 3 days stationed at the airport and it took me 7 hours to get home. Give me a break. I’ll go to Austin and San Antonio next week.
San Antonio girls: I want you to pay more attention on selling, energizing the crowd, being fun.
A lot of really good girls in San Antonio but they need a little push. ” Just remember the crowd is there to be energized by you, not the other way around!”
Other then that , the SA bar is doing phenomenally well.
500 e-mails I came home to. Marshall wrote me a note yesterday saying that some of the girls started ” white trash night” in Austin. His comment that was hilarious was ” none of the other bars seem to get ” White trash night” the way the New Orleans girls do.” I found that quite funny. I miss the New Orleans girls. I haven’t been there in a while.
Romina in NY , you are kicking some butt! I am so proud. I definitely need to go to the NY bar and recharge.
How pathetic am I , I take a few days off and I miss all the bars.

posted by Liliana @ 10:24 AM

Saturday, August 14, 2004

My luck! The week I take Jackson to Disney world, Orlando gets hit by a hurricane. The airports are closed and this is the first time I was able to get to a computer all week. I’m definitely about to lose it. Of course, also, sprint is not working!
The first part of the week was excellent. Jackson had the best time of his life. Yesterday during the hurricane Disney really pulled out all the stops. Goofy , Pluto, Snow White, and even Prince Charming made guest appearances. Don’t laugh but that kept the kids happy for a while. My room flooded a bit last night. I just want to get us home tonight.
I was supposed to go to Austin and San Antonio tomorrow but I can’t even get us on a flight today back to New Orleans.
I’ll write more when I am back at home

posted by Liliana @ 1:52 PM

Sunday, August 08, 2004

I spent the night at the New Orleans bar . Pretty good crowd. The girls did a good job. We have a new girl, Libby. She is very cute. Hope she works out. New bouncer Will. Will allowed his girlfriend to dye his hair pink. So I gave him a pink truckers hat to wear. ” Lil I can’t wear that. It’s too girly!” So it’s masculine to dye your hair pink but not to wear a pink hat? People are getting very excited about Nashville. I’m excited too. Nashville is a fun town.
Yesterday I went to City park. It is a big, almost beautiful park in New Orleans. This park has everything going for it. Beautiful trees, lovely lakes, streams, playgrounds, golfcourse, and a museum. But the trash that is scattered all over the grounds is disgracefull. It sickens me that people do not pick up after themselves. Why don’t people care about their beautiful park? Why doesn’t local government try and clean this area more? Very sad.
Well I’m going to Disney world tomorrow. It’s not a full vacation but I’m going to try and limit my computer and cell phone access.
By the way Marshall called me with this week’s great excuse for being late for work. ” My porcelein veneers for my front teeth came off. I’m going to be late while I’M GETTING NEW TEETH!”

posted by Liliana @ 8:47 PM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Please vote!!!

Our local Dos Equis rep just sprung this “hottest Bar in Austin” promo on me today. All votes have to be in by Friday. Currently, we are second, but I know with a little push we can be first. Vote for Coyote Ugly Saloon as the hottest bar in Austin by clicking here. (Enter “Austin” and “6th Street” and cross-street “Neches Street”) This promo is in conjunction with Wild On E!.

posted by Liliana @ 11:36 AM

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

I lost my cell phone yesterday. To be perfectly frank, for one half day it was nice not having the phone ring off the hook. But this morning after getting a new phone, I am exhausted trying to imput phone numbers. Unfortunately unless you have the old phone you can not get your address book transfered to your new phone. I have fallen victim to these new gadgets. I spent no less then one hour listening to songs that I could assign to callers. I have downloaded new pictures that I can also assign to callers. And all and all found a way to procrastinate by attending to this mindless crap.
Kevin has been dieing for me to get a phone that has ready link. Today he calls me and asks if I got ready link? Just incase you don’t know what this feature is. Ready link is a feature that acts like a walkie talkie. ” Lil , there are certain times that you don’t answer your phone and I need to get in touch with you immediately. ” I specifically told the salesperson not to activate the ready link feature in my phone. If my phone is off or I’m not answering, there is a reason! The only person I want to be able to get to me immediately is my son.

posted by Liliana @ 10:18 PM

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

I’m very excited about opening Denver. Denver is a pretty city. Last time Kevin got altitude sickness there. Someone asked me if I thought the girls would have problems in such a high altitude city? Of course not. Local girls are already accustomed to the high altitude. I’m trying to figure out what ski areas are close so maybe I can go on vacation after the opening. Recently I have been reading travel magazines , dreaming of places to go. Next week jackson and I are invited to Disney world. I have been showing him the web page and getting him all excited. My friend jill works for Disney and is hosting our stay. I e-mailed her yesterday telling her how excited we were to come and that this is officially my first vacation in 3 years. Her response back was ” It’s 100 degrees in the shade. I think you are putting too much stock in this trip.” Not the postive feedback I was looking for.

posted by Liliana @ 12:14 PM

Monday, August 02, 2004

Man, I’m beat. I should be signing leases in both Denver and Nashville. Next week we should be having some food at the San Antonio store. It will be very interesting because we will allow minors in until 7pm. I told the girls during the day shifts they had to watch their language. Tara said ” Lil, I need to go back to New Orleans. I’m not alive if I’m not motherfucking cussing.”
I read a story about a woman who runs a program in California for inner city kids ( LA). The program is called the LA Surf Bus. She brings inner city kids to the beach and teaches them how to surf. She speaks about a lot of these kids never even having the opportunity to see the ocean. I wish her the best of luck. That is a beautiful life’s mission.
Now I’m going to play with Jackson. He says his spider senses have kicked in. So who knows what he has instore for us tonight!!!

posted by Liliana @ 9:07 PM

Sunday, August 01, 2004

I’m going back home for a few days. The girls did very well!!! I want to thank the Austin girls who came down. You guys did an excellent job. I’m so proud that in 6 months you have become such good Coyotes. Cyndi and Tara you guys rock, as per usual. And Travis, Kerry, and Vance you were such a big help with security. Incredible job. SA girls, I think Travis did Sugar better then you guys. Work on it.
OK , I’m off to my flight.

posted by Liliana @ 11:56 AM

I can’t wait until we get the new AC on Tuesday. My god, I’m sweating like a pig. San Antonio is going really well. I’m pretty upset at what they put our occupancy at. It is definitely too low. That has to get changed. This place is pretty big, we can definitely fit more people. I brought Kerry and Travis ( security new orleans) down to help train the security staff. The look on the S A security guys faces when Travis does the choreographed dances are hysterical. I can tell in their minds they are thinking ” shit do we have to do the dances too?” Pretty funny. OK back to work

posted by Liliana @ 1:34 AM

Friday, July 30, 2004

San Antonio bar is rocking! I’m glowing I’m so happy!
No bar opening goes without a hitch. Our 2 big hitches have been the AC and the ice machine. Of course the AC went down opening night. It was a sauna in here. A repair man came the next day. Of course there seems to be 2 options. 1. keep fixing it evertime it breaks or 2. Pay fucking $22,000 for a state of the art AC unit. I’ve become desensitized to these problems.
I’m figuring Kevin ( mr. budget)decided to divert some money from a top notch ice machine and pay $2000 for top of the line radios for security. ” Lil, please don’t be pissed. I got the top of the line radios for security.” I was definitely not too pleased but I can’t lie after 2 days the radios are paying for themselves. They are so clear and it has made life so easy for communicating between the 2 entrances and the second floor.
Thanks to Rio Rio and Swig for lending us ice on opening night. OK back to the grind.

posted by Liliana @ 1:56 PM

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

At this point we’ve had an infringer die in a car crash, an infringer get flesh eating disease, an infringing club was blown up, an investigator died – the Ugly, Inc. investigation being his last, and now another infringing establishment was burglarized and trashed. What next?
A letter from my trademark lawyer Rob. Interesting.

Big opening in San Antonio tonight! I’m very excited.

posted by Liliana @ 3:42 PM

posted by Liliana @ 9:16 AM

Monday, July 26, 2004

We have the remainder of our inspections today. Cross your fingers. Jacqui is hysterical. She is afraid of flying. She goes to the bars to teach the girls the choreography. It takes all of her courage to get on the planes. She very rarely goes to the openings of the bars . I invited her to the san Antonio opening. Today she said ” Lil, I can’t lie. It’s looking like I won’t come to the San Antonio opening.” I said to her ” I told Lee last week that I thought you would be a no show.” ” Lil I just don’t really want to fly if I don’t absolutely have to be there.”
When I told her that we may be opening a bar in Japan she said ” Have fun without me. There is no way I’m going that far!” My response to her was ” If I have to shoot you with a tranquilizer gun myself, you’re going!” LOL I figure there will have to be a shit load of Valium for Jacqui if we start opening overseas.
NY bar rocked this weekend!!! Knock on wood. ( no jinx)

posted by Liliana @ 12:30 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2004

I just received one of the nicest letters about the Austin bar. Here is an exerpt:

“I have to say that your employees are not only incredibly beautiful, but very professional as well. They are also the embodiment of grace, elequence, style and charm. I have spent many hours watching and listening to the way they handle the roudy and the calm, the gentlemen and ladies as well as the not so gentleman and ladies.

You have created a world class establishment, along with world class employees. It is not only a pleasure to watch them in thier daily duties, but it is an honor to have become a customer of yours and to have made new friends as well.

Your security staff is as equally worthy as your barstaff. In the short time that I have visited your business I have never seen nor heard of any issues that required your security staffs involvement. This again is a great credit to you and the Austin staff.”

That just made my day.
This week the San Antonio location is opening up. I’m very excited. Last night we took all the girls out around town. ( we, I mean management. I’m back in New Orleans) I’m sure today I’ll hear some stories!

posted by Liliana @ 12:58 PM

Friday, July 23, 2004

I always hear about people leasing or buying spaces for bars and their turnaround time for opening is within 6 weeks. That never happens for me. I got a call yesterday from Jeff telling me that we are very close to signing the Nashville lease. Of course I was very excited about this. Today I get another call from Jeff stating that this particular space might not be zoned for a beer permit.
So yesterday the conversation was that Nashville is going well. The turnaround time should be very quick.
Today the conversation is about how much time , energy , and money might have to be used to get this beer permit. Unfucking believable. I always say to myself ” It’s the hard that makes it great!”
Yesterday I also received an e-mail from Jeff outlining all of our current infringers ( that we know about). A couple of them we had persued. They had stopped infringing but we recently found that they have started back up again. I simply said to Jeff ” tell Debrauare ( sp) to go after them”.
Today just started and I’m in up to my neck. But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

posted by Liliana @ 12:09 PM

Thursday, July 22, 2004

The goddamn meter maid that works the french quarter is a nazi! ( just an expression) My god I was parked in front of the bar for 2 seconds and the bouncer screamed to me that she was on her way to ticket me. I said to her ” Look I own the bar, I will only be here for a little bit” Her response ” Move your car now”. Why does Shermin williams get to block off two parking spaces? I can never catch a break. So everytime I go to the New Orleans bar I have to park in the pay parking lot. That is ridiculous.
The count down is underway. Kevin called me up pretty nervous about the scheduling of our electrical inspection. If Kevin’s nervous then I’m nervous. On another note, I started to think that Kevin was really an imposter because he hasn’t really lost his cool yet. Just to back track he starts to get really on edge about a month before these openings. ( most of the responsibility lies directly on his shoulders.) But he has been in pretty good form this opening. Today I saw the true Kevin come out. He called to rant and rave a bit. So everything in our universe is right now. I had a nightmare the other night about noone showed up for the opening. I told Lee about it because he is head of marketing .
As I always say ; it doesn’t matter how many of these you open it is always stressful.

posted by Liliana @ 10:08 PM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

I get a call from Marshall last night. The topic of the conversation was” what girls should do when they split their pants”. In a very busy day that conversation put a smile on my face. My standard reply : two essential products to have at a Coyote. 1. Duck tape 2.Staples.

For the all embarassing rip up the butt seam. Duck tape will get you through the night. For a less embarassing hole in your pants or hem comes unstiched. Staples is a sturdy solution. I do not advise staples for anything above the thigh. Too dangerous!

Kevin asked if I would put on the Lil Spill ” Kevin is the coolest guy on the planet” I respond to that “get us to pass all of our inspections and I will pay appropriate homage to you.” San Antonio update; we got approved for our liquor license. We just passed our plumbing inspection. We have a few more hurdles to cross and we will be set for our opening. This is when I start getting a bit nervous.

posted by Liliana @ 10:29 AM

Monday, July 19, 2004

Could it get any hotter? I have been lugging lumber all day . I guess this is what they refer to by micromanage. I’m actually finding old wood to make signs for the San Antonio bar.
The “fakin it” episode must of aired in the UK because I have been getting a lot of e-mails from there. Chantel and Tara are now international stars. Maybe they will become the new celebrities. We’ll see them in people and Us magazine. I hope they listen to me and wear their makeup. I can see it in Us now best and worst dressed. Best dressed: Chantel and Tara out dolled up looking beautiful and then Worst dressed: pictures of them after a 10 hour shift at the bar, no makeup, sweating, with beer all over them. It’s not easy being a celebrity.
Back to San Antonio tomorrow.

posted by Liliana @ 7:32 PM

Saturday, July 17, 2004

I have a scout in St. Louis this weekend. Let’s see what we can come up with. Jackson decided recently that he no longer likes to fly, so we had to drive both ways to San Antonio. Very, Very, long trip. I installed a dvd player in my car. Well worth the money. It is essential on long trips. 10 hours long to be precise. San Antonio is great for kids. Jackson went to Sea World, Splashtown, the zoo. It was like a vacation for him. I adore that little boy.
The world doesn’t stop. I have promised myself that somewhere in between San Antonio and the next bar that I will take a vacation!! Some people sent me some links that look incredible. Kevin and I were talking about taking a company vacation. I said that I felt that defeated the purpose. His response was that we probably wouldn’t take one if it wasn’t a company trip. He’s got a point.

posted by Liliana @ 3:45 PM

Friday, July 16, 2004

When Jacqui comes to train the girls her goal is to teach them 3 choreographed dances. At the end of her stint in each city she ok’s certain girls for each individual dance. Kevin and I were speaking about how funny it was that I think Jacqui ok’d Lee for one of the dances. He’s got the moves.
Kevin has everything under control so I’m going home for a few days. I can’t wait to get home!!
I’m so pissed that Stiffer is taking this ” muscle building” crap. Why can’t people just exercise and diet. Why are people taking these products? This product that they take is called NO2. I’m sorry but anything that makes you have muscle tics can’t be good for you!! The product claims to ” excelerate fast twitch strentgh.” What the fuck does that mean? Warnings:”… Erectile dysfunction”. Stiffler is already having enough problems getting laid. He certainly doesn’t need erectile dysfunction.
Anyway back to work. Austin girls came down yesterday and showed their stuff. You girls did great!!
Back to the new security system. Kevin had installed a camera yesterday ( $2000 fucking dollars) that can actually focus all the way to a vendor’s wagon across the Riverwalk. Pretty cool . Did I say $2000 for one camera? This piece of equipment better do something spectacular for that price.

posted by Liliana @ 3:33 PM

Thursday, July 15, 2004

I love this bar!!! I hope I’m not jinxing anything but this project is going really well. The girls are great. They have been putting in so many hours and they are trying really hard. We got a mix of some strong dancers , strong bartenders, and quite a few lookers. I’m so proud!!
I’m always amazed by modern technology. The security system is unbelievable. I can see everywhere in the space and outside. We can have it run adjacent with the POS system. Pretty cool.
Things are moving smoothly today. Cross your fingers.

posted by Liliana @ 3:41 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004

The girls are doing very well. Knock on wood , I think we are progressing quite smoothly!
Some girl called today to say that she was in pretty bad shape from all the rehearsing. Then she said she thought she needed the day off because she didn’t want anyone to catch her cold. All I can say is “there are 350 girls who would gladly take your place. ” Chantel told me today that a new girl called in sick. Her excuse was that her feet hurt. Chantel was like ” yeah everyone’s feet hurt!” Another funny note. A girl who we let go in New Orleans came in to San Antonio to apply for a job. What is going through her mind? She knows I own both these bars. She was fired from one bar. Why in the world would I hire her in another bar?
Lee got me a book a couple of years ago by Robert Kiyosaki. The book talks about business minded people working through 4 quadrants to acheive business success. The first quadrant is people who are employed by others. The second quadrant is people who are self employed business owners. The third quadrant is investors/owners who still keep responsibilities with the company. The fourth quadrant is owner/investor who just sits back and cashes their checks. Lee constantly tells me that I am stuck in the third quadrant. All I can say to that is I am very happy in the third quadrant. Sometimes I even poke my head back to the second, just for fun.
kevin is pissed we got rejected again for our sign. The sign we proposed concurrs with all the regulations that the historic commission has outlined. It’s amazing to me why these people always pick us to target. Not only are we employing people in the community we are also increasing traffic in this area. Blah blah blah

posted by Liliana @ 1:47 PM

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Kelly new GM of San Antonio. The bar looks great. We are all definitely starting to step on each others toes but that happens at every bar. Kevin painted the office this puke green yellow color. I said to him ” good the managers won’t spend too much time in the office.” Kevin said ” exactly!” This has been an issue with some of the bars. I find out that the managers spend hours in the office instead of on the floor. Well that makes me quite irate.
I stood on the first floor of the San Antonio bar looking around yesterday and I said to Jacqui ” do you believe how beautiful this bar is? I can’t believe we turned a 1500 sq. ft dive bar into something so big and beautiful. !” This bar is about 5000 sq. ft. Two floors. We actually have a vip room that is gorgeous. Sometimes I’m amazed at what I’ve accomplished and what my team has done. I’m very proud!
Austin girls! I’ve spoken to Marshall about all of you girls coming to San Antonio on Thursday to take a refresher class with Jacqui. From what Marshall says the dances are really lacking with a lot of the girls. Use this opportunity to train directly with Jacqui. COME DOWN! ( if you are scheduled to work, obviously you can’t come so don’t worry about it)

posted by Liliana @ 3:11 PM

Monday, July 12, 2004

I’m so pissed! The best dancer that we hired yesterday can’t get out of her contract with 6 flags. Damn it! All this construction , I feel like I have the black lung again. Yesterday we hired 50 girls. 38 of those girls are legitimate bartenders. That is such a weight off my mind. Jacqui’s job starts today. Her job is going to be hard because we definitely do not have many dancers.
It’s crunch time.

posted by Liliana @ 1:31 PM

Sunday, July 11, 2004

We are finishing up our 3rd day of tryouts for girls in San Antonio. I definitely favor bartenders but so many of these girls work at places that only have beer and wine. Not quite the calibre of bartender I’m looking for. I have lee outside grilling the girls who are claiming to be real bartenders outside. this one girl comes in and says ” Lil I’m a real bartender but Lee asked me how to make a Colorodo Bulldog and I didn’t know it!” So I had to go outside and say “Lee come on!! Can we stick to the basics,. I’ve never even heard of that drink !.”

We are having final cuts tonight at 5pm. I have to pick 50 girls. Do you know how hard it is to find 50 girls that are good enough for Coyote. Well let’s see if these girls rise to the occassion. On the positive note today was a heavy bartender turnout so I’m not so nervous.

Jacqui and I are pretty tired. 350 girls so far today and I’ve got over 100 girls coming back tonight. Tonight we will have our San Antonio staff!!!

posted by Liliana @ 5:14 PM

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

I am having the worst day. My morning started with some really bad news . I decided to try and make myself feel better by buying myself a new pair of jeans. I go in the store and the pants don’t fit me because I’ve gained weight. I still buy a pair but one size bigger. So I walk out of the store, my ego a bit deflated, and there is a ticket on my car. I then get a call about painted flames on the backbar of San Antonio. I said ” this is supposed to be a beautiful wooden old style saloon. Take the flames off” Well of course this is going to be an ordeal taking the flames down. The GM I wanted for San Antonio doesn’t want to move from his job in Vegas ( he doesn’t work for Coyote in Vegas). We got rejected for our sign in San Antonio. And I got home to one of the most scathing letters ever written to me. Now I am at my house alone. The door bell rang about 5 minutes ago. I went to the door ( not opening it) and asked ” who is it” I repeated this 3 times. Finally a voice said ” This is * from the Christian Youth group” I said I’m sorry but I’m busy. Now just so you understand. I said I was busy because I don’t know this man and I am in the house alone. But what is going through my head is that I’m going to hell because I didn’t open the door and help this guy. I can’t win.

posted by Liliana @ 9:21 PM

I had a meeting with the president of a big company from japan tonight. It went very well. Hopefully his company will sponsor us in Japan and we can open. The first part of the meeting was fairly typical, how much is construction of Coyote? How much do the various locations gross? How much time do you put in personally? Well we went from speaking about normal finances to talking about sponsoring a K2 fighter. Maybe this is my new profession? Maybe I will be the female don King?
I spoke to Jacqui today and she was very upset. It was the same old conversation ” Vina and maria want to take yet another night off” These fucking New york girls are just out of control. Both of them are actresses. Jacqui, as GM, accomadates there schedules for rehearsals and play dates. But enough is enough. This is a fucking job. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
So its pretty simple if these girls need all this time off then we need some new girls to fill in.
COME AND APPLY IN PERSON AT THE COYOTE UGLY SALOON N.Y. Quick wit, bartending a plus, unspoken charm and the ability to keep a beat! Ask for Jacqui or Kim!

posted by Liliana @ 2:13 AM

Monday, July 05, 2004

Since when has July 5th been a holiday. Nothing is open today. I’m going nuts.
Jackson and I had the best Fourth of July. He had so much fun watching the fireworks. I love watching him experience things for the first time. I’m sitting at my new office. It is a new cafe that has free wireless internet. I walked with my little laptop. I figured it would be nice being outside working. Well of course everyone and most businesses ( except mine) are closed today. It’s almost like a day off. What am I going to do with myself?

posted by Liliana @ 4:29 PM

Sunday, July 04, 2004

This is a first. Chantel told me that there was a specific girl who she recently fired. She said the girl called in sick one too many times and didn’t seem to fit in with any of the other girls. Well this girl called Chantel to tell Chantel she couldn’t go to work. Her story was that at that very moment she was outside her apartment completely naked ( locked out because of her boyfriend). And her boyfriend also cut off one of her fingers. So she wasn’t able to come to work. “Naked and short one finger but that first call you make is to work?” Yeah, Right! But I enjoy the story. Also she was naked locked out of her apartment with her cellphone? I guess it wasn’t an important finger he cut off!
Girls in San Antonio! People have been e-mailing in asking what they should wear. Go on the website and look at the clothes all the girls wear. Also, and this is very important : wear cowboy boots or motorcycle boots. No stilettos. I hate when girls come in stilettos. No real bartender will be bartending in stilettos, anywhere. And Coyotes have a lot of dancing and performing to do so wear boots that are comfortable but look the part. Happy 4th of july everyone!

posted by Liliana @ 10:38 AM

Friday, July 02, 2004

How gross is this texas saying, ” I’m screwing this cat, you just hold it’s tail” I heard that yesterday. Pretty gross!.
Busy day today. I interviewed someone today to be kevin’s assistant. We spoke for a little while and then we got into the personal stuff. ” Tell me about your personal life?” ” well Lil, currently I do not have a girlfriend and I have no kids.” My response to that was ” excellent! By the way, if you are part of the team, I want you to be happy. But none of us seem to be able to have successful relationships since we work so much. Are you ok with that?” His response ” Lil , that’s why I have never been able to keep a girlfriend!” Great ! I assume in the next few years we will have to include free therapy in their employment packages.

posted by Liliana @ 12:02 PM

Thursday, July 01, 2004

I went on www.equifax.com to see what my credit rating was. Needless to say that it is not quite as good as I thought it would be. The kicker was that the report indicated that there was nothing I could do to get this certain thing erased from my record. Time would be the only thing that would lessen it’s negative effects. god damn it!! Jacqui always laughs because I’m scared to apply for credit cards. How much money do I have to make to get a fucking credit card. Long story short, when I first opened the NY bar I was very broke. I had given every last dime to opening the bar and was simply making enough for rent and food. I had a few things in storage and I could not pay that bill. Not only did they auction off all my stuff but that stayed on my credit report forever. Tony always helped cosign credit cards for me. Finally one day about 4 years ago, Jacqui and I were in Bloomingdales and they were having some incredible sale. If I applied for the credit card I would get an extra 10% off. So I said fuck the embarrassment, I will apply. Waa Laa! They approved me!! That bloomingdales card was the first non Tony credit card I ever had. Now of course I have quite a few non Tony credit cards. I even have an American Express Blue card ( not black). But I still get turned down every once in awhile.
The funny part of the Tony credit cards was that he would receive all the bills. We weren’t even dating and he would call me up and say ” What’s Via Spiga? You spent $150 there. I know it must be a shoe store. I just hope for that kind of money you got 4 pairs of shoes and not just one pair!” So I barely used the Tony credit cards for fear of his condemnation of my spending habits.
Yesterday was a good day at the office. I offered this great guy Matthew the GM position in San antonio. I’m hoping he’ll take it. And We are very close to hiring someone else for our corporate team. Might not seem like a big deal to most people but I pick my people very carefully. Not only do they have to be good at their job but they have to be someone I trust and get along with. So I am very careful who I let into the inner circle.
My Ultimate Fighter has been working out!!!

posted by Liliana @ 8:17 AM

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Yes I scratched on the first eight ball. But the second game I whooped Travis’ butt. “OK Lil you may have beaten Kerry but now let’s see if you can play with the big boys” ” Travis I’m so scared!! ” Lil I brought my own pool cue.” I don’t give a shit . “I’ll use one of the bar’s crappy , crooked pool cues and still beat you.” I used to love playing pool. I used to play almost everyday when I was in college. Now I’m lucky if I play twice a year. I really sucked last night too. But it was still good enough to win. That’s all that counts.
One of our fucking future deals fell through. I’m fucking pissed off about it. So much financial and emotional energy fucking wasted. Lee was pretty heartbroken because this particular project was his brainchild. He was a bit crushed. I’m not crushed. This is business. If you play hard ball you have to be willing to walk away. No biggie. We just have to find another project that is of the same calibre.
The boys have started the last drive before opening. Basically what that means is that they are working 16 hour days trying to get the San Antonio bar ready. Kevin called me last night and had me hysterical laughing. ( not really funny for him) He told me that 2 nights previous Stiffler had wedged his head in between a door jamb and a moving latter. He said Stiffler was fine. What happened after that is unbelievable. Kevin went home and was recounting the story to his girlfriend. He was being very animated while telling the story and whipped his head back for a nice visual effect. Well as he whipped his head back he heard something pop. He ended up spending yesterday going to three different doctors to make sure he was alright. One doctor actually told him he could of paralysed himself. All because he was making fun of Stiffler. That would suck ” I’m permenantly injured because I told a story” If this happens to people all the time , I wonder if it effects Italians the most? I would say they are a very animated people. I better warn my son, he’s half Italian.

posted by Liliana @ 9:35 AM

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

The Beave broke her leg!! Man, Marshall had to work 92 hours last week to cover her shifts. ” Your killing me Beave” But at least she sent me a picture of herself in a cast.
Stiffler is in the dog house. Lee sent him to a concert to do some marketing for the girl search in San Antonio. Well he gets a call 1 hour later from Stiffler saying that he got kicked out of the concert venue for an altercation with some guy. Lee was pissed. I have a feeling that Stiffler will be scrubbing toilets for the next week. The life of an intern can be hazardous.
I’m leaving for san Antonio in 10 days. Basically that gives me 10 days to get to the gym and get my fat ass into my jeans. J Lo has nothing on me. I’ve gained a few pounds since the Panama City opening. It is a genetic fact that latin people, such as myself, gain weight right in their butt. I can’t fight my birthright.
It’s 4 am and I have been working for the last hour. I’m just a little delirious.

posted by Liliana @ 4:52 AM

Saturday, June 26, 2004

It is interesting how much stress you feel right before an opening. Kevin is feeling stress over getting the construction done, the POS installed and learned, the community board allowing us to use certain signage. Lee is concerned about his marketing plan bringing in enough girls to the girl search, the decor of the place , and being able to travel while getting all of his work done. Jacqui is worried about getting good girls who can get the dances while still be salespeople, and training them within a week. I’m worried about going over budget, getting along with a new gm, finding quality girls, working the food service into our formula, and getting our real liquor license. Jeff is not worried about anything. He just can’t wait to come down and drink. He is our balance right now.
I have done so many of these openings and they are all still very stressfull. It’s definitely a must yoga day.

posted by Liliana @ 2:42 PM

Friday, June 25, 2004

This letter makes it all worth it. I”M SO PROUD!
Comments: Lil, I have to let you know about your amazing crew in the N.O. bar. There’s this guy, James, who comes into the bar now and then. He walks with a limp and seems mentally handicapped… all the girls and the guys take great care of him, they are super friendly with him, and even buy him sodas (he doesn’t drink.) In fact, the cute little blonde bartender (never caught her name) even took him to Hooter’s and bought him dinner, all out of the goodness of her heart… well, he’s NOT mentall handicapped. It turns out that he was hit by a car crossing the street when he was 14; it fractured his skull from one ear to the other and mangled his body. He’s got all his mental faculties, but he’s trapped in a broken body. He’s a fantastic artist and a brilliant poet. The point is, nobody at the bar KNEW his story- they were so kind and friendly to him just out of the goodness of their hearts, and it brought joy to his dismal existence. He lives in a group home; his parents died when he was a boy. I just thought you should know what great people you have working for you.

posted by Liliana @ 11:52 AM

Thursday, June 24, 2004

I’m so excited. I’m trying to negotiate a deal to sponser an Ultimate fighter. How fucking cool is that. I don’t want to jinx it so I won’t print his name. But he’s very good. I just looked him up on the web and he’s got a very high winning percentage. They have a chart listing all of his fights and how he won ( or lost ). It will read TKO ( technical knockout, I think?); CUT. Or TKO; STRIKE. The funniest one was Submission; REAR NAKED CHOKE. I don’t know what that move is but it sounds pretty sexy to me. I informed Jeff today that we were working on this. All he could say is please don’t get into illegal cock fighting. Of course I would never do that. I hate abuse on animals. But I would go to an underground cage fight ( involving men). Maybe me and a few Coyotes can have a girl’s night out at the next local cage fight. I bet Chantel and Veronica would dig that. Hell they might even enter.
Last night my son asked me to put up a tent in his room. Of course it didn’t come with instructions. I got it up but it looks nothing like the picture. In the picture the tent looks like a dome. The tent I made looks like a teepee. As long as we don’t have to weather the elements, it should be fine.
Big day today.

posted by Liliana @ 11:48 AM

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

What was supposed to be me just working the day shift turned into closing the bar last night. I had to laugh because I told Chantel she didn’t have to come in and Aaron is in Austin. So of course the Jukebox went down last night and to boot the back up stereo was on the fritz. So the girls had to wing it for a couple of hours before the jukebox guy came. They did very well. I don’t think anyone left because there was no music. There actually was music but it was so low you couldn’t hear it. An old Coyote NY bartender was in, Romi. Well Romi and I went out til 4 am. I took Kerry , the bouncer with me. He really should be a dance captain. He knows all the choreographed routines and he is an awesome freestyle dancer. The ladies were definitely digging Kerry last night. Yes of course our last stop was a strip club. I can’t lie the talent was pretty dismal last night. But I bought Kerry a lap dance anyway. Veronica is doing some live web broadcast on www.nola.com It’s called Behind Bourbon. Perhaps she will show her true insanity on the web program. You never know what you are going to get with Veronica. That’s all folks.

posted by Liliana @ 3:37 PM

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

I have been getting a ton of e-mails. The funny ones are from people I knew years ago who saw the CMT special or “Faking It” and are writing to say hello. One guy , Gerry, wrote me a few days ago. I met him at the Blue and Gold bar in NYC many years ago. Mispent youth. I would go in between classes ( sometimes instead of classes) and play pool there. It was funny because in his letter he wrote something along the lines of ” from your old boyfriend”. So I wrote him back saying ” nice try but quite a stretch saying you were my old boyfriend.” Pretty funny.
I got another letter from a guy that bartended with me at the first bar I ever worked at called Trevis. His name is Joe. He wrote that it would be funny if they made a show about that bar. I wrote back saying that we could reenact the night when he passed out in the basement and the owner locked him down there until morning. I don’t think he was pleased that I remembered that. I also remembered that he would pack the bar with all his friends but couldn’t bartend to save his life. Just wasn’t the life for him. One last memory to share. One of my NYU friends came to visit me one night when I was bartending. Joe drove her home. She was a bit drunk. She threw up several times next to his car. He actual identified her whole meal from the remnants of throw up on the road. ” You ate a ceasar salad with chicken. You had fruit for dessert.” I looked too but all I saw was gross vomit. Maybe that is a skill that he will use somewhere in his life. Who knows?
Today I am the day manager at the New Orleans bar so I have to get going.

posted by Liliana @ 1:41 PM

Monday, June 21, 2004

“It’s hotter then 2 rats fucking in a wool sock” I just heard that one today. I may not have put it that way, but she’s right, it’s pretty damn hot.
I just received an e-mail from a friend of mine this morning. She told me she has a recurring dream that my house is swept away by a flood. She said in this dream she always saves Jackson but can never save me. My first thought is happy because she saves Jackson. My second thought is, as long as it is a dream, how about adding some hot rescue workers . They can save me.
A lot going on in the work place. Kevin just got back from Nashville. I sent Lee to Wiakiki. We are rocking and rolling. I love the idea of opening up in Hawaii. How fun. You work and then you take your lunch break on the beach.
The last time I went to Hawaii it took me 18 hours to get home. That sucked. It definitely took the fun out of the vacation. I have gotten a lot of really nice vacation suggestions from people. I just can’t seem to get myself to actually take one. I took off a full day this past weekend. That counts. I laughed so hard because on Friday I spoke with Lee and Kevin . I told them that I wanted to take off the rest of the day and Saturday as well. Lee replied ” you should of told me that a few days ahead of time” He definitely seemed put off by the fact that I wanted to take time off. At the end of our conversation I said call me on Sunday. Well I shut my phone off Friday night and when I put it back on there were 5 missed messages. 3 from Lee and 2 from kevin. I just had to laugh because everything I said about taking the day off went in one ear and out the other. I said to Lee , I told you I was taking the day off. He said ” But Lil I had to tell you what was going on.” Kevin response was less hostile, ” I’m sorry, I just had to tell you what was going on” So basically on Saturday, I gave in and spoke to both of them a couple of times. I’m thinking that I need to not take my phone on my real vacation. Lee and I were speaking about how a few people have called me a work aholic. The funny part of this conversation was that he replied ” well I’m a workaholic too!” “Yes Lee you are one too. Congrats! You have won a lonely night by yourself! Isn’t that great!”
Well back to work. Busy day today.

posted by Liliana @ 11:31 AM

“It’s hotter then 2 rats fucking in a wool sock” I just heard that one today. I may not have put it that way, but she’s right, it’s pretty damn hot.
I just received an e-mail from a friend of mine this morning. She told me she has a recurring dream that my house is swept away by a flood. She said in this dream she always saves Jackson but can never save me. My first thought is happy because she saves Jackson. My second thought is, as long as it is a dream, how about adding some hot rescue workers . They can save me.
A lot going on in the work place. Kevin just got back from Nashville. I sent Lee to Wiakiki. We are rocking and rolling. I love the idea of opening up in Hawaii. How fun. You work and then you take your lunch break on the beach.
The last time I went to Hawaii it took me 18 hours to get home. That sucked. It definitely took the fun out of the vacation. I have gotten a lot of really nice vacation suggestions from people. I just can’t seem to get myself to actually take one. I took off a full day this past weekend. That counts. I laughed so hard because on Friday I spoke with Lee and Kevin . I told them that I wanted to take off the rest of the day and Saturday as well. Lee replied ” you should of told me that a few days ahead of time” He definitely seemed put off by the fact that I wanted to take time off. At the end of our conversation I said call me on Sunday. Well I shut my phone off Friday night and when I put it back on there were 5 missed messages. 3 from Lee and 2 from kevin. I just had to laugh because everything I said about taking the day off went in one ear and out the other. I said to Lee , I told you I was taking the day off. He said ” But Lil I had to tell you what was going on.” Kevin response was less hostile, ” I’m sorry, I just had to tell you what was going on” I’m thinking that I need to not take my phone on my real vacation. Well back to work. Busy day today.

posted by Liliana @ 11:31 AM

Friday, June 18, 2004

It is close to 100 degrees today. yuck!! I just got a call from someone who works for me claiming that a bar in Nashville has completely ripped off one of our Choreographed routines. All the dances are copyrighted by jacqui. ” Get your wallet out. You’ll have two people suing you!”
Get your own schtick. Fucking stealing bastards. I can’t wait to open in nashville and wipe the floor with you.

posted by Liliana @ 5:08 PM

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Jeff and I have been e-mailing ideas back and forth on different projects this morning. At one point he e-mailed me asking to be very harsh and aggressive on one particular deal. My response was that we did not need to get that aggressive yet. To get to the point . He was joking and I did not get it. I have lost my New Yorkness. When a New Yorker doesn’t get sarcasm there can be only two reasons why. 1. They are very ill and can’t think properly or 2. they moved away and have lost that edgy humor all New Yorkers have. I have no intentions of moving back to New york quite yet so the only remedy I can think of is having a ” Seinfeld” marathon. That’s it! Tonight Jackson and I will watch ” Seinfeld ” until we fall asleep. My son has an unbelievable life in New Orleans and the people and schools are great for him. . But part of me might die if I ever hear him say “fixin” or if he has no other aspirations but to go to LSU. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH LSU. But it’s like a cult down here. If we live here I would hope that he would want to experience something different and not go to a school so close. There are only two schools everyone attends down here , Tulane or LSU. I would like my child to experience more from life. See the world. Live in different cultures. Obviously from my last few Lil Spills, I’m home sick. Perhaps a quick trip back to New york might help.
I received an e-mail this morning telling me that I must think Texas is the best because there will be 3 Coyotes there. All I can say to that is Texas is a big ass state. I’m working on a deal that might put 3 coyotes in Florida. What does that mean? I’m fixin to drink another cup of coffee.

posted by Liliana @ 11:43 AM

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

It’s so hot I can’t stand it. I have had so many e-mails asking if we would be willing to try and help other girls like Hailey. I know it might of seemed glamorous but that month was very long. Hailey lived with chantel for a month. ( that’s hard enough, love you Chantel). Chantel is a manager here so she was working 60 hours a week at the bar and then using her spare time to work with Hailey. Tara works 3-4 shifts at the bar and goes to school so she was maxed out using her free time to work with Hailey. And then we were not letting them film during busy nights so we had to rearrange the bar’s schedule so they could come in early for filming. Then of course the added Mardi Gras fiasco. So it was a very long month of filming.
To answer the girls who have written in, maybe one day we will offer something that would help boost the self esteem of women. Teach women how liberating it is to be powerful and love yourself. But for right now, I’m just concentrating on working with the real Coyotes. They sent Hailey to go shopping and get her hair done. I haven’t gotten my hair done in 4 months. I wish someone would take me out and get me all dolled up. Also Hailey if you read this, send me a picture. You seem to have a little fan club.

posted by Liliana @ 4:17 PM

Tuesday, June 15, 2004

” Don’t move to be a Coyote” I have so many girls writting me telling me that they will relocate to be a Coyote. I’m not going to hire you if you are not from the area the bar is in. All these bars are essentially local bars. So I want local girls to work at them. It’s 6 am and I have so many projects running through my head. Kevin is very busy with the San Antonio bar but I told him to get his ass out to Nashville to approve a site. In my mind Nashville is a perfect fit with Coyote.
I watched celebrity cribs one day and Tommy Lee had a Starbucks section in his house. I need that. I’m so pissed that my local Starbucks doesn’t have wireless web. I would spend all day there with my new laptop.
Tonight is Tuesday night and Tara works. I’m going to go in there and see if she has practiced the god damn dances. Through the rumor mill I heard that one of the New Orleans girls has an aunt that has 14 kids. I quote the same song over and over again but it seems to fit, ” If that ain’t country you can kiss my ass”.
Have you ever noticed that people from Texas think they are better then everyone else? I have never seen such state pride. ” Well you haven’t had BBQ until you come to Texas’ or ” If you want it done right get a texan to do it!” There was a girl who worked for the Austin bar who had ” texas Pride” tattooed on her knuckles. And the way they speak is hysterical. A texan yesterday used an expression that I have never heard , ” That is about as likely as tits on a boar hog”. The same man used the expression ” that man’s hair is as fuzzy as the fuzz on a baby chick’s butt!” So I tried my turn at using an expression. ( just to give you a reference, he had spoken about an ex-girlfriend who cheated on him. ) So I said trying a southern accent:” That girl is giving it away for free when she could be charging at the door.” I thought it fit the situation. But he then promptly said to me ” I think you should quit while your ahead Miss New York” No harm in trying!

posted by Liliana @ 7:02 AM

Monday, June 14, 2004

Went to the Austin bar this weekend. On the way to Austin I was seated next to one of the quarterbacks from the Longhorns. If you don’t know the longhorns , they are the University of Texas football team. Most people from Austin live and breathe for the Longhorns. So I was seating by this guy and people were asking me who he was and was that a championship ring on his finger? So finally I asked him about his ring. Yes it was the championship ring. This guy, maybe 22 years old ( easy on the eyes), spoke to me the whole trip. Let me rephrase, hit on me the whole trip. He even lied and said he was in grad school. He probably thought that I would think better of him. Shit no! If a kid is going to hit on me , I want him to be as close to jail bait as possible. It’s good for my ego and makes for a better story. When we deboarded the plane , he leaned over to me and said ” I just want to tell you that you are beautiful” With a Texas accent of course. If I ever see him again maybe we can act out a scene from ” The Graduate” Do you think he has ever seen ” The Graduate “?
I love the Austin bar. The girls were really trying. I went out to dinner with a few of the team. Let me tell you something ” The Beave” has a fucking rock hard body. I yelled at Lee for not getting her in the professional photoshoot. She’s gorgeous with abs that should be shown on an infomercial. I met some of the regulars they told me they created a website totally devoted to pictures of the girls. By the way, Stiffler, is living the high life. Hanging out at the bar schmoozing with people. I leaned over to Lee ” aren’t interns supposed to be stressed out?” I told Kevin to give him more work, he obviously has it too easy. The Beave made Stiffler clean all the windows at the bar. He said that they told him I called up and specifically requested that he do that. I wish I had. No she made that call all by herself. I wish I was there for that. He said it took forever. One of the bouncers told me that he knew the choreographed dances, so at the end of the night he tried to do them but failed miserably. I told him to practice before I bring the New Orleans guys over to San Antonio. Kerry from New Orleans should be a dance captain for god sakes.
I just got an e-mail proposal for Coyote reality show. Pretty funny.

posted by Liliana @ 11:29 AM

Friday, June 11, 2004

So I just received a letter from my mother. Mothers definitely know how to push your buttons. “Since I haven’t spoken to you in a while , I ordered a couple of t-shirts off the website. I had to give my credit card and pay for them myself.” So I asked Kitty if she had seen a credit card order from my mother. She said she would of recognized the name, she is pretty positive that my mother did not order anything. Come on! If you want a couple of t-shirts just ask. My sister is going to yell at me now. I know I’m a bad daughter! Ok I’ll call my mother now.
Today is the .22 k ( around the block)run at the New Orleans bar. Shit that’s almost a quarter of a mile. Maybe we should have paramedics there. The only exercise some of these people get is moving there beer up to their mouths. It should be pretty funny. I just booked my flight to Austin, I’ll be there tomorrow.
Lee, Jacqui, Cyndi, and Jeff called me from the New york bar last night. Lee called me this morning and said he was pretty close to throwing up. I’m sure Jacqui had him drinking some johnny black last night. Poor Lee can’t hang with the big girls. Jeff on the other hand can drink more beer then anyone I have ever met. But if you throw in a few shots he’s crying like a little girl.
Kevin is running around getting everything set for San Antonio. I’m very excited about that bar. Should be a lot of fun. He never updates his Kevin’s corner. I knew he wouldn’t, just not his style.

posted by Liliana @ 11:35 AM

Thursday, June 10, 2004

I just received a long e-mail from “the Beave” ( Austin assistant manager) about a promotion she wants to run. What disturbed me is that she claimed the inspiration for this promotion came while she was working out and heard the song ” Can’t fight the moonlight”. Now if you don’t know this song , it is off the Coyote Ugly soundtrack sung by Leigh Anne Rimes. Look I’m not knocking Leigh Anne rimes, she has a beautiful voice but for god sakes that song is anti- Coyote Ugly. When I’m at the bars, I’ll hear Aerosmith, Charlie Daniels, Kid rock, White Stripes and then someone will put on that song and it’s like nails on a chalkboard. You know in the movies when people play music and dance in their bedroom while getting ready. Well if I ever had a moment when I was putting on makeup and I wanted to dance in the mirror, I’d play that song. I’m not saying that I don’t like the soundtrack. I just feel that there are certain songs that are more appropriate to play at the bars . I made the mistake of telling Stiffler that I really liked the song “Toxic” by Britney Spears. He now put that song as my ring when I call his phone. I really like that song , but would I play it at the bar? Absolutly not. When I hear it does it give me inspiration for Coyote? No. The only thing it does is make me wonder if Lee does a glow stick routine to that particular song.
Now onto something else. Yesterday I had a call with Aaron we were speaking about a few issues that have come up at the New Orleans bar. Some of the stuff that happens at this bar are truly funny. I’m going to try and get Aaron to write a little something about some of the funny things that have happened. Something happened at the New Orleans bar yesterday that in all of my years in this industry I have never seen. I can’t talk about it ( I will when it blows over). But the funny part is that the only people who seemed surprised by this were Aaron and me. I don’t know if I will live in New Orleans forever but I will always love my time here . I laugh every ” motherfucking” day that I’m here.
Ok, I’m fixin’ to exercise.

posted by Liliana @ 10:25 AM

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

Jeff has been at the convention today. It’s almost like a day off when he’s not at the office. Usually he sends me at least 20 e-mails before 9am. Today I don’t know what to do with myself, all this free time. I spoke with him on the phone today and he laughed because he said that it’s so relaxing when I’m traveling and can’t get to my computer.
I have been trying to plan a vacation for over a month now. Either something comes up or I just can’t make up my mind where I want to go. Normally I would choose a beach place, Carribean. But it’s too hot and it’s hurricane season. Then I thought it would be nice to go camping but I don’t feel like actually camping. So I’ve decided that I would like to have the camping experience; hiking, fishing, swimming. But sleep in a resort type setting; spa, massage, good food. I don’t know where this place exists? It is so fucking hot here , I’m just miserable today.

posted by Liliana @ 2:13 PM

Tuesday, June 08, 2004

The merchandise trade show. Not only are we the most primitive booth at this show but I was informed by Lee that our booth is right next to Vivid entertainment. I hope they don’t have any porn stars there because that would really lessen the effect of having the NY Coyotes there. I had to laugh because Lee called me up and said ” Lil, fuck Vivid Entertainment is right next to us. Do you know they have comic books, oils, toys etc? ” All I can say to that is ” what the fuck? Get me a few free videos and let’s call it a day” Pretty funny
So I received an e-mail today asking if the character in the movie was anything like me. 2 things that really irked me in the movie. 1. There would have to be someone holding a gun to my head for me to ” buy the bar a round”. Unless there was a threat of physical death that simply would never happen.
2. Closing down the bar just because I went out at night? That is the most assinine thing I have ever heard of. I brought this up with the producers when I read the script and they said ” it will be funny in the movie.” ( I had no pull for them to change it) Of course in my mind I’m thinking ” so people now are going to think I’m the worst business person ever.” The thought of closing the bar down a night makes my blood boil!
Those are my thoughts.

posted by Liliana @ 10:36 AM

Monday, June 07, 2004

Let me put up the first e-mail I recieved for the day
“i saw the expression you used of “my g-d”. first of all, God is capitalized you fucked up bitch, second of all, that is an expression of blasphemy against God, didn’t those nuns ever teach you little pissant whore not to use God’s good name in vain. God can kill you for blasphemy. you should be so fortunate. just wait. your Judgment Day will come and God will ask you of all the times you used His name in vain, why you did so. you will be justly imprisoned in an eternity of fire.”
The fun part is this particular person sent me 4 e-mails. ” If I’m going to be imprisoned in an eternity of fire, well at least I will go there on my own terms.” What is wrong with these people?
On a good note, I’ve gotten a lot of positive responses from the “faking It ” show. I didn’t watch it. I’ll try and watch it today.
I have lee at a merchandise trade show in NYC. He just called me and said ” Lil, some of these booths must of cost $100,000. Holy shit!” I’m laughing so hard. He has been working on our booth for the last few weeks. Now his hopes and dreams are completely deflated. He just sent me a picture of a booth with a huge Batman face that you walk through. Well I’m certainly not going to spend that kind of money on a booth. They might have fancy lights and other crap but ” WE’VE GOT GIRLS!”

posted by Liliana @ 12:10 PM

Sunday, June 06, 2004

I am obsessed with the expression “Fixing to”. Everyone in the south uses it. Southern people will tell you that the translation is ” I’m going to do something. But that’s bullshit. When someone says I’m ” fixing to” what they actually mean is ” I’m thinking of doing something but I will never get around to doing it”. So I have been waiting for an opportunity to use this expression. Wala. I got the chance today to use it. I opened the New Orleans bar today and Tara , Danisha, and Travis were there. I told Tara that I want to take her to San Antonio for the opening but she needs to learn the dances properly. “Lil I’m fixing to practice before San antonio” So my response was ” Tara you have been fixing to learn these dances properly for 2 1/2 years.” ( she’s worked at Coyote for 2 1/2 years). ” Lil I’m fixing to learn them I swear!” ” well Tara I’m fixing to bring you to San Antonio.” Then of course it went into ” Lil please take me I’ll learn them.” ” well Tara when you stop fixing and actually start learning them, I’ll take you.”
Aaron and I went out to dinner last night then went back to the bar. Courtney the old bartender was there with her new boyfriend. Her claim to fame at the bar was ” Bikini arm wrestling” I’ve spoken about her before . She’s the bartender who went to a strip club and lost an arm wrestling contest with a very strong stripper. The loss ended up in a severly broken arm. So we lost our arm wrestler. Well we had fun last night. Too many drinks though. Tonight the episode of “Faking It” airs. It is with Chantel and tara. I’m scared to watch it. ” If there is a god of tv? Please don’t make the girls come off poorly”

posted by Liliana @ 8:22 PM

Friday, June 04, 2004

My assistant Kitty is now handling the mailing of merchandise purchased from the web site. Well of course something is always fucked up. The sizes are not correct on the site some of the items are one size fits all versus small , medium, large. Well this little mistake lands on Lee’s shoulders. Jeff’s pissed because he has to hear the pissed off e-mails from people. Kitty is just getting used to dealing with this. And Lee is trying to fix it so no one is upset. All I can say to this is ” It’s not my fault” I love that.
I just received a promotions schedule from Aaron about the New Orleans bar yesterday. We have some fun promotions coming up. ” Kegs and Eggs” We are opening at 6 or 7am in the morning. The band “Bag Of Donuts” ( hopefully) are going to play . And everyone will get drunk in the morning. I love that. The second promotion that is really funny is called “sotally tober”. This promotion is a race around the block. a .5 k run. I think they have to race around the block with beers . I’m not sure but it sound s hysterical. Of course we had to get city clearance for this.
One of the New Orleans regulars writes me on occassion. He actually wrote me and berated me for not informing him on some of the girls birthdays. ” I don’t know their birthdays. ” For god sakes I can barely remember ny own birthday.
I have a new Sky Mall obsession. On all the airlines, in the pocket in front of your seat, is a magazine called Sky Mall. I’m on a plane every week so I always glance at this. My new obsession is a gadget that does a form of acupunture on your hands. It’s fucking expensive. It’s about $300. But I am so tempted to buy it. How cool would it be to give yourself a non invasive form of acupunture. I’m a smart woman but I definitely buy into some of this crap. I also love the idea of the shower head that increases the ozygen in your water. I know it’s bullshit but if there is a way I can be healthier without having to actually do anything, I ‘ll do it.

posted by Liliana @ 12:17 PM

Thursday, June 03, 2004

People write in to me telling me certain things that happen at the various bars. 98% of the time it is nice stories and thanks for such a great time. 2% are complaints. I have no problem listening to complaints. I want to be able to evaluate what the girls are doing, security, management etc. And whom better to hear it from then a customer. But when the customer tells of certain things that are specific to a certain girl or staff member, have the guts to tell me their name. If you are writing me to tell me of an incident that occurred specifically to you, give up the goods. Tell me who and where.
Right now I’m listening to country love songs while I’m going through 166 e-mails. Austin girls I can’t wait to see you!

posted by Liliana @ 3:32 PM

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Work, work, work. We are busy this week. Lee is working a licensing show in NY. Him and Jacqui will be having fun this weekend. Calamari and wine for everyone. Kevin B is looking at a site in Kansas City. I am trying to go to the Republic of Texas this weekend. It’s right in Austin so that kills two birds with one stone. I have gotten a few negative letters about Las Vegas. I’m surprised by that. Vegas bar does well. It doesn’t have the same feel as the other bars but they have a lot more rules and regulations because of the gaming commision, health Dept etc.
The crawfish boil went very well. There is an art to eating crawfish. Very messy but delicious. Shannon looked at the crawfish pot and immediately said ” I need one of those for my house” Shannon you just lost 20lbs, stop the insanity. Joe did a great job cooking. Swat team by day crawfish boiler by night. He is multifaceted. He even cooked these big cloves of garlic and those were just as delicious as the crawfish. Now I’m hungry. New Orleans is starting to get inhumanely hot. I’m miserable when it’s like this. It is between 99 % and 100% humidity everyday. I have a bad hair day everyday. There’s no point in even trying. I’m definitely cranky today.

posted by Liliana @ 3:23 PM

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

I just read Rylee’s Coyote interview. For god sakes your job is not to get offended by the customers. OK the woman was riling the other bartender about her weight and her dancing. A seasoned bartender would of made money on this. Call her friends over: :” you guys need to buy this woman more drinks, she’s obviously haven’t second thoughts and taking it out on us.” What you did by letting your emotions get to you is you jeopardized the bar losing not only one customer but all her friends. Nobody knows how hard the criticism is more then the NY girls. When the movie came out people would come in and ask why Tyra wasn’t there and tell the girls they weren’t as pretty as tyra etc. That sucks but it’s part of being famous.
If that particular bartender was not handling it well, call over the manager and try and switch stations so she doesn’t have to deal with that person.
Customers can be very mean. I have put up on my Lil Spill some of the negative letters I receive. Suck it up. Unless someone is being so bad that it becomes a security issue, just buck up. Use the mic. Make it a situation that creates more sales. Yes the woman sounds like a bitch but that would just make me want her money even more. And credit cards!!

posted by Liliana @ 1:23 PM

Monday, May 31, 2004

Just got off the phone with Jacqui. She’s in rare form today.
Jacqui: ” Lil, Vina is sick today. What the fuck is wrong with these girls? In our day you sucked it up and came to work.”
Me: ” They are cut from a different cloth Jacquimo. “
Jacqui: ” Lil I could go on all day. The merch order got fucked up . The new part of the bar top is already falling apart. And why hasn’t the Panama City people sent me my check?
Me: LOL. Jac, it’s always something!

Jacqui and I could bitch all day. It’s part of our repoirtoire ( no clue how to spell this word). The funny part of this conversation, and believe me I wrote the censored version, is that we were speaking about something completely different one minute earlier. We were speaking about being more calm in our lives. Finding peace and happiness instead of getting so wrapped up in all this crap.
So peace and happiness sequed into ” the fucking merch company…” Blah Blah Blah I love jacqui. Her with her Italian temper, me with my latin temper seem to get along just great. I can tell stories about the stupid stuff we have done together.
Just a little inside peek at the insanity . I will preface this with I am a very strong business person so is Jacqui. We will work 100 hours a week and make sure everything is in order. But both of us have a little superstitious part to us. If the NY bar has a bad week, Jacqui will burn Sage at the bar to rid the bar of bad energy. When I used to open the NY bar I would lessen their banks on weekends because I thought it was a jinx to put too much money in the registers. I don’t do that now in New Orleans, either because I’m not that superstitious anymore or I think the managers will think I’m nuts! We all have our little querks.

posted by Liliana @ 12:21 PM

Saturday, May 29, 2004

People keep on asking how Chantel did in the bartending competition. When we got to the bar convention , the first round of the competition was underway. We were actually allowed to go in the back room where the judges were. Well the first round of drinks used fruits like Kiwi, star fruits ( I think Carambola ), and other fruit most people don’t ever eat and probably don’t even recognise. At this point Chantel and I looked at each other and pulled her from the contest. We were laughing because not only does she not make these drinks at Coyote but we had never even heard of these drinks. This whole creation of the chocalate martini, the mojito, star fruit martini, blah blah blah. This is exactly why I opened Coyote, so I didn’t have to make all these time consuming fruity drinks. In Italy they asked me if I ever drink any of these concoctions. This is my answer to that: If I am at the beach in the caribean, give me a frozen drink with a straw. I love that. If I am at a mexican restaurant and the host buys me a margerita. Make it the good stuff and I’ll drink it. But if I’m at one of my bars only Crown with a soda back. We have our own formula and that formula includes not wasting your time or ours on bullshit drinks. Maybe one day I will open one of these places and I will carry fruits from all over the world. I’ll even reinvent the coffee drink with homemade whip cream. But when that happens just know that it is either a straight investment that I don’t run or I’m really old and the doctor told me I can only drink cocktails with fruit and fancy straws.

posted by Liliana @ 8:39 AM

Friday, May 28, 2004

I’m back!! 20 hours to get home from London. I love these places but why can’t the technology be there for immediate transport. ” Beam me up Scotty.:” Wouldn’t that be nice? There was a man on my flight from DC to New Orleans. He sat right next to me and talked the whole time. We had to sit on the plane for 2 extra hours because of weather delays. I wanted to kill myself. The people from Italy had booked me first class to and from New Orleans. Because Jeff made me include London on my trip, I had to change the reservations and go coach. I can’t imagine paying first class. So expensive. So I lost my first real chance to go first class. Maybe one day.
This weekend we are having a crawfish boil at the New Orleans bar. We invited the players from The New Orleans Voodoo. A lot of Austin people coming in because the Voodoo are playing the Austin team.
Jacqui called me up pissed today. The day girl called in sick and Jacqui couldn’t get anyone else to cover. I started to laugh because that means Jacqui has to work the day shift. I remember those days. Well if anyone goes into the NY bar today buy Jacqui a shot Of Johnny Black. That should keep her going.
Shannon has lost 20 lbs. He’s closing in on this bet.
I’ll try to post some pics of italy and Tom Jones by Monday.

posted by Liliana @ 4:00 PM

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

“It’s not unusual to be loved by anyone” I love Tom Jones!! He was at our hotel bar last night . After a few grappas (which are very disgusting, acquired taste , I guess) I went right up to him and asked if I could have a picture taken with him. He was very cool. When Jeff and I left the bar he actually screamed “Bye Lil.” I thought this was odd considering I introduced myself as Liliana. Could it be that Tom Jones knows who I am? Or did he just shorten my name like everyone else does?

Normally I would never go over to someone and ask for a picture but because of this website I feel like it’s my job to make sure I get stuff like that. He looks good for his age!

People in the UK and Europe listen up. There is a man named James Little who is pretending to be part of the Coyote Ugly Organization. He has forged papers which he claims I have signed and Disney too. “Can you believe that?” He has actually contacted landlords and breweries claiming to be authorized to open Coyote Uglys in the UK. The last we had heard was that he owed money to people whom (how do I put this nicely?) do not follow the laws provided in the great country of England. These people were actively looking for him and his father. Justice can come in many different ways. Let’s see whom prevails?

posted by Liliana @ 12:06 PM

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

I just landed in London from Italy. Italy was great. The people who hired us were so nice. Thanks Oscar, Sara, Maeba, especially Monica. (everyone) The girls and I had an unbelievable time. One night I ate Pasta. Now for most people that might be a big deal, but I haven’t really eaten wheat for 6 years. (I ate a piece of special bread in Dubai, I didn’t want to be rude). It was great! DELICIOUS.

Cyndi and Maria have had the time of their lives. Chantel and I have shopped literally until we dropped. One day Chantel and I went into the town of Rimini. We needed to go into a bank and exchange Chantel’s travelers checks. First off, the banks have a double door locking system. We were like two idiots trying to figure out how to get into the bank. Chantel kept on saying that the bank was wearing a chastity belt. Well we get into the bank and the cashier won’t let Chantel change her checks. She kept on saying that Chantel’s signature didn’t match her passport. Both of us were getting very pissed. Well 3 banks later and we finally exchanged the travelers checks. OK the big speech. The night before my big speech we went out to dinner with the whole gang. Monica didn’t like the idea of my speech favoring so much financial information. So I was totally fucked. God Damn Lee convincing me to write about the economic climate of the last 12 years and the expansion of Coyote. So that night I just reworked some bullet points to make it just fun stories etc. The girls were going to perform during my speech to kind of break up the monotony of the speech. I can’t lie I was very nervous. Well it’s like the gods sent me an angel! The interpreter showed up 2 minutes before the speech and was so nervous she was floundering. It calmed me down so much because i was trying to calm her down. Because of her nervousness, My speech and the girl’s performing got cut down to 25 minutes. “Yes there is a God” Everyone loved the girls I spoke to people one on one afterwards. Excellent. Only a few little mishaps. Chantel was sweating so much I was scared she was going to sweat on the TV Cameras. Maria split her pants from the top of her leg to the bottom. Don’t worry I have pictures. What a blast. Now I’m in London, let’s see if I can find a spot this time.

Stiffler: Chantel told me that Stiffler has one of those really girly handshakes.. We are going to have to work on that. Now the doosy. His first week at work, he and Kevin have a very important meeting somewhere (stress very important). They get to the airport and Stiffler forgot his identification. Because of this, they both miss their flight. Very nice Stiffler. Kevin’s a nice guy, Lee wouldn’t of been so nice about it. In fact it was Lee who called me and told me. Til tomorrow. Chow

posted by Liliana @ 1:44 PM

Friday, May 21, 2004

Yes, I missed my flight today to Milan. I wouldn’t technically call it missing it, but I was late and they would not let me on the flight. So I will try again tomorrow. Stiffler. the intern, is getting thrown right in. Kevin has got him doing all kind of things. Stiffler’s friends have been e-mailing me. Don’t worry guys, if he fucks up I’ll write about it. But for his fourth day on the job, he is doing a very good job.
Elijah Woods was at the Austin bar the other night. I heard he had his eyes on Emmy. It was her birthday. She’s gorgeous so I can only imagine any red blooded man or woman for that matter would take a liking to her.
2 days til the dreaded speech.

posted by Liliana @ 3:35 AM

Wednesday, May 19, 2004

A lot of very angry responses to the hate mail I posted. I have not lost one second of sleep over the hate mail I receive. Fuck them! Don’t come into one of my bars. ” anything that does not kill me makes me stronger” So words from assholes simply makes me stronger.
In life we have but one thing to really acheive that encompasses everything, and that is happiness. I love my son, I love my business, I love my life, and I love wiping the floor with all these assholes. That is happiness to me.
Busy , busy , busy. I’m ready for Italy. I’m hoping the Q and A takes up a good 20 minutes. Shannon and Kerry had their modeling debut yesterday. Excellent job. I wonder if modeling is harder then it looks? Now that they are pros I’ll ask them. Kerry secretly confided in me that he likes wearing makeup. Sorry Kerry but I have to post that. Love you!
We are closing in on Ft. Lauderdale and Denver. Kevin make it happen

posted by Liliana @ 1:46 PM

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

All the assholes are coming out of the woodwork now. Let me post the lastest e-mail I received.

—————————————————————————

Comments: And tell me how this isn’t just a step up from porn. So you realized that alcolhol and pretty, half naked girls, sell-good for you. Maybe you and the founder of girls gone wild can go get a mansion somewhere together. The bar is sick and an exploitation of everything that women are. But as long as your making money, I’m sure nothing will change. Hey, maybe you should put more bars in the midwest, and corrupt middle America while you’re at it.

Well I will answer this very simply. Coyote Ugly is about the empowerment of women. If you meet one of the bartenders or even a female regular, you will hear the same thing. How freeeing it is to be a strong, sexy, and a smart woman. And as a woman myself, I am in an industry driven by men. I have a business that is recognized world wide because of my business savy and the dedication of thousands of women under my employment. As the song says “I am woman hear me roar”.

Now as far as the last part of the letter, guess what we signed the lease in minnesota!!! So we will be corrupting middle america!! And a little inside scoop, we may be opening in Kansas City too. Husbands lock up your wives! Wives lock up your husbands!! Coyote ugly is coming to corrupt you.

posted by Liliana @ 10:25 AM

Monday, May 17, 2004

So lee is in New Orleans this week and he was sitting at my house for our weekly conference call. It is funny fighting on the conference call with him, while looking straight at him. Stiffler, the intern, was in on our conference call. I pretty much told kevin get as much work out of him as possible. I love free labor.
I got a letter from Laura in new Orleans that was so long I decided not to post it. The funniest line in the letter said ( and I am paraphrasing) ” If I wanted to be a bitch to him, I could of done a much better job.” Well that just says it all. Both Laura and Kerry, just grow up!
Tara and Kerry represented us at Myrtle Bike week. I would gage by the 200 hundred calls I got that they had a great time. Tara is in love with Travis Tritt now.
I’m getting ready for my Italy trip. I’m a bit anxious about my speech. I wonder how many people will be there for that. God damn it I got a C in public speaking in college. I will definitely be having a few drinks before that. Jacqui’s advice was start off with question and answer time. That should eat up the clock! OK

posted by Liliana @ 3:44 PM

Saturday, May 15, 2004

LOL I just got the most scathing letter from some jerk. I’ve got to post it , it’s that funny.

Wow, I just watched the “Behind the Real Coyote Ugly” on CMT and all I can say is ‘how dare you?!?!?’ This concept (both show and bar) is an insult wrapped in misogyny wrapped in a tasteless reality-show-slash-info-mercial
candy coating, I am moved to actually taking this beast to task.

I’m a performing & touring musician, I was in town playing a
regular gig just doors away during the time of Coyote Ugly’s formation, and I watched with awe at the creepy star-f*ing status that the crew (and pretty much any idiots with a couple PD-150s) created. I’ve actually set foot in the place since it’s opened and I swear to God it creeped me out – and I’ve seen it ALL. I tried to have an open mind, but $4 for a watery Coke and the flea market atmosphere have made an enemy of me. The club is a mullet haven where uneducated girls (who are mostly too homely to be strippers) are nonetheless lewdly ogled by the patrons while dancing like trained seals and shilling expensive booze for the profit of the owners.

I was downright offended by the Reagan-era conscious-less-ness of this place’s owners & operators. This “reality show” deified the choreographer (a mean fat poodle look-alike) and the owner (a ‘6’ in ’10”s clothing with square aftermarket boobs), who are both nasty little excuses for humans and businesswomen. I’m snot-slingin’ mad here, I’m taking these shots because apparently no one at the establishment has the gall or intelligence to.

Congratulations though, the pairing of CMT & C.U. is perfect for the working-class-double-digit-I.Q.-ask-no-questions types that frequent both the club and the network. Shame on you for keeping the attention of those sheep with a little cleavage while raping and robbing them of a few bucks. Coyote Ugly is the worst of the flesh trades: they took the food out of Hooters and put clothes on the strippers — and now they’re just selling booze to a bunch of retards. I want to like it, I love seeing attractive women take bad jobs as much as the next American male, I hit the occasional strip club, but this is just somehow detestable.

Coyote Ugly doesn’t belong in Austin, and especially not on 6th street — how about moving to Nashville? Apparently you can do anything awful to anyone there so long as you smile and have drinks afterward. Austin’s soul is already reeling from vampires like Coyote Ugly, CMT, and Pat Green. Please go away, we don’t want you here.

Troy.

Musician/human/Austinite

That is classic. I love that he signed the letter “Musician/HUMAN? Austinite.” Perhaps our little friend here needs a little love. I’m sure this guy does hate Coyote and let me guess he just happens to hate most woman? Just a guess. Now I’m not calling him gay, because I don’t know him. But my degree in psychology tells me that his mother did a few horrible things to him and now he is more comfortable with 15 year old boys. But that’s a lay person’s opinion.

posted by Liliana @ 11:36 PM

OK this is Kerry’s side:
Comments: “Ok, short i didn’t pee on nobody car,she didn’t see me do it and i have two bouncer who can back me up. but i did throw my beer on her tire.i asked her three time nice and she wanted to be a bitch,so i wanted to piss her off like she did my bouncers.and i would do it again if it came down to it ,but she will never park up front if i’m working.Any way i’m in Myrtle beach with tara,and loving it i love working for coyote,and lil.All i need is 20min.(joking) i love lil………. love huges and kisses NEW ORLEANS #1 bouncer Kerry “
If I can get Laura’s version I will update this blog

posted by Liliana @ 9:20 AM

Thursday, May 13, 2004

So Kerry was upset about what I wrote the other day. He claims that is not the true story. So all I can say to you Kerry is write in. You write your side of the story. Laura can write hers. And I will post both of them.
There is a regular from NY who e-mails me once in a while. Well this week he seems to have figured out a way to write me from his cell phone. he now gives me moment by moment updates on how many body shots the girls have sold etc. He said that Kim, the assistant manager, was not happy with him. No ReallY? I can’t imagine why. Don’t worry Kim, I’ve got your back!
I will never forget the first girl I fired for being too stupid. ( no I didn’t tell her that). She would put an upside down shot glass in front of a customer during happy hour. This was supposed to notify her that their next drink was for free. ( 2 for 1 happy hour). So when she gave them their free drink she would move the shot glass back to the drink rail. The customers would wait until she was at the other end of the bar and simply take the shot glass and move it back in front of them. I told her not to do this but she just couldn’t get why. The final straw was during her second shift. A regular Chris was in and he was speaking with her. ( she was a 6ft tal blond bombshell) She said to him ” do you come here a lot ? ” He said ” I come here so much I even get my mail here.” Yes she believed him. That was her last shift. I remember calling Tony and saying ” you know that unbelievably gorgeous girl I hired? Well I hope you said your goodbyes because I had to fire her for being too dumb.”
For anyone who thinks I am mean, let me say one thing. This is a cash business!!

posted by Liliana @ 9:27 AM

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Who knew that the giant squid was such a hot topic? But today because it is fresh in my mind, I will write about ” The Shenis” A few months ago Chantel calls me to tell me a funny story that happened at the New Orleans bar. During the daytime a woman came in asking to speak with one of the managers. She claimed to be a registered nurse and wanted to show the managers her revolutionary invention. Out of sheer curiosity, Chantel and Aaron agreed to a meeting with her. Well it seems her revolutionary idea is called ” The Shenis” . ” The Shenis” is a tool to help women pee standing up. Real ” Revolutionary” It came in a few models , basically looking like a dildo. One of the models is even created so you can walk and pee. When Chantel told me this story we were laughing so hard. Little did I know, only a few months later, that the ” shenis” would be a part of our little show. The ” Shenis” has been used to deliver a million penalty shots.( $10) That’s the beauty of Coyote. The ingenuity of the girls has turned this peeing machine into a tool to create more revenue for the bar. I love that!!!

posted by Liliana @ 7:22 AM

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

My thanks to everyone for explaining to me the life cycles and simple facts about beta fish. (You know they can actually breathe air). I just received this e-mail:
“Comments: If Jackson is into giant squid, there is a feature on the Discovery Planet called Animal Faceoff; they create models of animals and simulate what would happen if they fought.
There is going to be a mock up of a fight between a Giant Squid and a Sperm Whale on their show sometime in June.”

Lee and kevin are constantly talking about animals fighting each other in the wild. Of course I will watch a simulated fight between a giant squid and a sperm whale, but all the experts say that there is no contest. The sperm whale would win.

What’s new in the world of Coyote Ugly this week…

NY: Huge fight at the bar on Sunday night. There are so few fights at the NY bar I was shocked at the damage that was incurred. We had to replace the whole jukebox . Jacqui was definitely both pissed off and shaken by this.

New Orleans: A bunch of new trainees have been working. Popsicle bought some of the girls Roses. I even got a few. The bouncers have lost their off time drinking priviliges. It seems that Kerry got drunk and peed on Laura’s car. Probably the last straw with Aaron.

Austin: the girl’s had a photoshoot yesterday. I heard it went very well. Congratulations to Esther for graduating!!! Marshall told me that this past weekend they found three different female couples having sex in the bathroom. Must be something in the air.

Spoke with John Cestare (licensee) yesterday on a conference call. Jeff (my lawyer) and he were screaming at each other. It was actually funny because I’m usually the bad guy. I actually stopped the conference call and told Jeff to chill out. You have to understand Jeff. He may be a lawyer but he is pretty laid back and is very much a cool, composed character. After I spoke with Jeff I called John back. “John, look. We have been in business together for a couple of years now and it’s always the same crap. “It’s in the mail” or “I sent it yesterday, is starting to really wear on Jeff.” I expected for John to be all riled up and bitch my ear off about Jeff. You know what he said? “Don’t worry, Lil. Jeff and I always speak to each other like that. I love Jeff.” Hysterical!

Lee is trying to get something going with these people in Hawaii. Narrowing down in Ft. Lauderdale. And Minnesota is still not signed. Doug S. if you read this for god sakes get this lease done!!!

That’s it.

posted by Liliana @ 11:12 AM

Monday, May 10, 2004

This is Andrew, director of operations for Coyote Ugly Panama City. Clocked by a Coyote (just an accident, of course).

posted by Liliana @ 1:42 PM

Sunday, May 09, 2004

I just lost my whole Lil Spill. Can someone remind me if I ever spoke about the “Shenis”? This is some funny shit.

So Marshall’s ex-girlfriend has been in town. It’s been 2 years and I swear she seemed suicidal. I tried to lighten the situation by saying to her that Saturday we would have a special promotion called “Marshall Bashing Day”. I told Marshall about it. All he said was “Well if you are going to have Marshall Bashing Day, make sure to really publicize it because there will be a line around the block.” That’s what I love about him, he sacrifices for the sake of the business.

Jackson and I had a very nice day. We looked for movies about giant squid, his new obsession. I love my son, he is so funny.

So yesterday I got my tarot cards read. I swear I get the same reading every time. Do I believe? When it’s good, I believe. When it sucks, I don’t.

This guy told me that business was going very well and not to let jealous competitors stand in my way. (So far so good) He told me that I would be heading to Europe within 3 weeks (wow my Italy trip is soon). He told me that I was a warrior/soldier in a lot of past lives and this life I am trying to be more peaceful. (OK I’m digging this so far). He said that Jackson was my father in a past life and that he chose to come back as my son because he felt safety with me. (kind of cool, you all know how much I love my son, so maybe there is a stronger karmic connection). Now the part that always sucks. I asked the dreaded love life question. Well the good news is that I have a soul mate. The bad news is I haven’t met him yet. So of course, I fall into the trap. “When will I meet this soul mate?” To that question he responded with “in the fall.” “Really, this fall?” ” Sorry honey I don’t know if it’s this fall or some other fall” Well that’s fucking great. His ending sentence to me was, “I like to give Hope. Not False Hope.”

Oh people don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve got a few options in case the tarot card reader isn’t right.

A few people have told me that they miss Lee and I fighting. If anyone that is friends with him reads this and wants to get under his skin. All you need to say is “Valentine’s Day Promotion” That should get a good rise out of him.

posted by Liliana @ 9:34 PM

Saturday, May 08, 2004

I just got a letter saying that this particular person hated that I “badmouthed bartending”. What in these Lil Spill’s could possibly be construed as hating bartending? If this is about yesterdays editorial on the Coyote Hunt held in New Orleans you obviously misread my piece. People in new cities constantly tell me that the girls are not real bartenders they are dancers etc. I tell these people that the girls are real bartenders and that their first priority is for service over performance on the bar. I have been bartending since I was 17 years old. ( a hundred years ago) I take my profession very seriously. And I thank god everyday that I made enough money not only to support myself but to help finance my business. I love these girls and I have the utmost respect for them. Being a Coyote is a lot harder then a regular bartending job.
( unusual part of the letter is that she also complimented me on my writing style. That’s a first!)
Now something weird happened today. Jackson and I woke up today and we were short one Beta fish. We have three small tanks ( can’t stick them together or they kill each other) So we go to feed the fish and one is missing. Not dead ( well probably dead) just gone. I am totally freaked out about it. We don’t have a cat, no mice. Where the fuck did the fish go? Jackson thinks it’s like Nemo and the fish went back to the ocean. Well unfortunately I don’t have the luxury of believing that. WEIRD!

posted by Liliana @ 10:16 AM

Friday, May 07, 2004

One of the Las Vegas Coyotes is in a contest with Smooth Magazine. Her name is Kyshawn. She is hot. You’ve got to vote for her and put her over the top!!

Last night we had a girl hunt at the New Orleans bar. Some of these contestants were hysterical. Every job application was the same: “I want this job because I love to dance and have fun. “

This is what I’m looking for: “I want this job because I am a great bartender and I would love to work at a bar of this calibre.” or “I simply need a job.” That’s honest. If I was one of these girls my application would say, “I can’t dance, I can’t sing. But I’m a salesman by nature and I am a very strong bartender. Plus I need a job.” The girls don’t understand but bartenders will always have an advantage over the other girls. This one little girl whom we picked, Skye, she was a riot. This girl is probably in her early 20’s, stick thin, with little blond pick tails. Her attire was early sex pistols yet I saw no tattoos or no great amounts of piercings. She was great. I leaned over to Chantel right away and said she’s in. I love different girls. I love girls who have their own persona. There were two players from the New Orleans Voodoo who participated with us. They were loving this.

Now the other side of the gamut was quite different. Shit, if I say what I want to say, my lawyers will be down my throat. I will try and word this very cautiously. If you are going to try out for a position at Coyote Ugly, show up with some makeup on. Do your fucking hair. Get in shape!!

Now about Danisha. She is already a Coyote at the New Orleans bar. I love her . I’m going to ask Jacqui to take her under her wing and teach her some of the newer dances. She definitely has star appeal. Andrea was at the bar absolutely hammered. It took everything I had to convince her that we couldn’t be together. “Lil, I know I’m drunk, but I made a lot of sales this afternoon. By the way, you know I want you, come on!” Well Andrea I’m sure there would be people waiting in line to simply see us makeout but I am going to have to decline. No fraternization rule, sorry.

Now the three way bet. Between Shannon and myself: he has to lose 60 pounds by August 7th. If he wins I fly him to New York. I actually don’t remember what I get if he loses.

Between Jacob and myself: He has to have a six pack by July 28th. If he loses he will have to wear a tutu to work (as bouncer) for one whole week. And we are still negotiating the if he wins part. I think he wants a trip to NY with Shannon. I’m genuinely rooting for Shannon but I definitely want Jacob to go down. He’s too cocky about it. Too bad there is a no fraternizing rule between the bartenders and the bouncers. I swear that Jacob and Tara are made for each other.

posted by Liliana @ 1:20 PM

Thursday, May 06, 2004

So yesterday Jackson and I get to the airport, all our crap in tow, and low and behold they fucked up our reservations. So today is the premiere of Tony’s movie at the Tribeca film festival and I’m going to miss it. Big pre and post party. Scott Speedman and maybe James Marsden are going to be there. If you don’t know their names, Scott was in “Underworld” and James was in “X-men”. I’ve seen the footage from the movie and James Marsden is so handsome. For you men out there, Sofia Vergara is in the movie as well. The movie actually opens in the theatres (big cities) on May 14th. The movie is called ” The 24th Day” I will get a link up when I know it.

So Andrea, a bartender from New Orleans, tells me that she had words with one of her professors. “My boss can’t write and look how successful she is.” This is actually starting to hurt my feelings. I know I can’t write! Either can my ex-husband but he seems to have made a career of it. Tonight is a mini girl search in New orleans so I am going to help Chantel run it. I hope we get some good girls.

Happy One Year anniversary in Tampa!!! Have fun.

posted by Liliana @ 11:48 AM

Wednesday, May 05, 2004

So we are having a professional model photoshoot next week for the merchandise. I have real models for the women’s items. But for the male items I asked 2 of my bouncers to model, Kerry and Shannon. “Shannon!! No crispy creams for 1 week!!!” I love my New Orleans bouncers but there is a box of crispy cream donuts or chicken wings by their side at all times. Drives me nuts. Customers bring them food as presents. Shannon is such a good looking guy. I swear he goes up and down 20 pounds every week. Travis, I don’t even want to talk about him. You know what? He knows he’s got a pretty face and some charisma so he figures he can get away with a few extra pounds. “Don’t think I won’t ask your little ladies to cut you off so you can lose a few pounds!”
Travis and Jacob came to the opening of Panama City with me. Travis is just one of those guys with such a magnetic personality that he can do what he wants and women are attracted to him. Jacob, cage fighter, is very sexy but I can already see him picking up these bad habits. “Jacob don’t do it!! don’t fall victim to their evil ways.”
I’ll be in the New York bar on Thursday night. Hello Maria and Kristy!!!

posted by Liliana @ 12:31 AM

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

I came home to over 500 e-mails. It’s taken me two days but I think I went through them all. I want to commend the girls from the NY and New Orleans bars. I have received so many complimentary e-mails about you guys lately. I love that!! Austin girls you guys are a close third for positive e-mails. Interesting that those bars are the ones I run day to day. Did I tell you guys how much I love my managers , my girls, and my entire staff. I can’t tell you how good it makes me feel when I hear such good things about my bars.
I spoke to Jacqui yesterday about how the Panama city opening went. I really have grown to love all of these girls. Both of us love the interaction with these girls from all over the country. Whether they be from my personal Coyotes or a licensed Coyote, I wish them all the best.
One of my licensees John C. asked why I never write about him. Well here it goes John. “You left a message last night at 1am. In this message it bitched about why I haven’t returned your calls. If you really wanted to speak with me perhaps call at a descent hour. At 1 am I am either at home with my son or at one of the bars and can not hear the phone.” Just to explain about John. We have a very tumoultuos relationship. He can be such a pain in the ass. I’m sure he will say the same about me. But the funny thing is, for all his bitching and the weasely things he pulls. I am amused by him. He was very hostile to me right before the Boston opening. When I showed up the look on his face was definitely not happy. But after a couple of shots we ended up laughing and having a good time. ” Oh John we are in it for the long haul so we’ll have to make peace at some point.”

posted by Liliana @ 11:26 AM

Monday, May 03, 2004

Last night at the Panama City Coyote, the night ended with Donna, the GM of Atlanta, rubbing my feet. She claimed she learned her technique from a few
korean women where she gets pedicures. Well they taught you well, Miss Donna.
Panama City went very well. Those girls tried so hard. Putting in 16 hours a day for the opening weekend. My compliments to the Atlanta girls, Natasha, Danielle, and Alejandra. Phenomenal job. Jacqui would be proud of you girls. Now the one I have to compliment the most is my very own New Orleans Veronica. 3 nights and no crazy antics. She was a consumate professional. I had already put together apologies in case she got a little too wild. Just so you understand what I am dealing with, Veronica appeared on the show “Elimidate”. If you have seen it you’ll understand my fears. But I absolutely love Veronica and she did great. Thanks to two of my New Orleans bouncers, Travis and Jacob. They came to just have fun and ended up working all weekend. (As per usual , Travis was showing up all the girls. I keep telling Jacqui that he should be a dance captain. He knows the routines better then the girls. In New Orleans he will stop traffic on the street when Devil comes on. ” Sorry Travis that I can’t allow you to dance on the bar.”)
This weekend was Panama City bike week. Well if you stepped foot in the bar it was like walking into an episode of “Smokey and the Bandit.” I actually saw this 50 year old biker smoke a cigarette using a fork. Fucking hilarious. Some fucking hot ass bikes!! Last night this 40 year old biker dude comes up to me and orders a Pina Colada. I said to him ” You should be ashamed of yourself. Just for that you better buy yourself and me a shot of Crown so I won’t talk!” People coming up to me all weekend. “Oh my god it’s you, LIL! You’re a celebrity.” What the fuck is going on with the planet when owning a bunch of bars makes you a celebrity. Last year I bet Jesse James that I would be on the cover of Fortune Small Business in 2 years. (This bet was after he called me to tell me he was on the cover) I’m trying. I can’t lie, that would be a great moment in my life, if I made the cover of such a prestigious business magazine. In about 7 months, I’ll have to go to the backup plan. Sleep with one of the editors. Goodnight for now.

posted by Liliana @ 12:49 AM

Saturday, May 01, 2004

I’m in Panama City. The bar has been very packed for the last 2 days, since opening. I am speechless at the stupidity and rudenss of some people. This couple comes up to me last night. They begin to tell me how they own a bar somewhere in Illinois. First they asked me if they could buy a franchise. I said that I no longer franchised. I told them that except for a few older contracts all the new Coyotes will be mine. Well they proceed to tell me that they are ripping me off at their bar in Illinois. So that’s not the kicker. The kicker is that they would like advice from me on how to make their bar more successful. So I said ” Let me get this straight you want me to give you advice on how to steal from me. What are you on crack?” So the woman proceeds to tell me that I am rude for not helping them out. The man then says please help us. Part of me was so astounded by their sheer stupidity and rudeness. So my advice was ” get out of my face before I lose my sense of humor.”
Dawn from Panama City is hauling ass. Amber putting in 16 hour shifts. Excellent. Ester from Austin has officially been dethroned as worst dancer. There is a girl here who is so bad I actually thought she was joking. Thank god she is goodlooking. These girls are trying so hard, I am so proud of them.
So it looks like I may be going to Tokyo. We’ll kick ass over there. Big meeting next week about it. Looks like San Antonio will open on July 28th. I am so excited about that particular site. OK, I’m fucking tired and I need to get back inside and work.

posted by Liliana @ 4:47 PM

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Today I feel like I’m in third grade, looking out the window wishing that I could take the day off. It is gorgeous out today in New Orleans. I just heard that one of my New Orleans bartenders got engaged. She is 24 ( maybe 25) this will be her 2nd marriage. ” for god sakes how stupid can you be? ” What is it in the south? Is there something in the water? Is it some weird brainwashing that makes a girl believe she needs a man to survive? Is the south some third world country where you get a dowry for the girl? ” Here let my son marry your daughter and I’ll give you this broken down pickup truck and this shot gun!”
What the girl’s parents are really getting is a live in son in law and god willing a GRANDCHILD THEY HAVE TO RAISE.
I know I’m not one to talk but , what happened to the institution of marriage? Will someone talk some sense into these girls!!

posted by Liliana @ 2:59 PM

Monday, April 26, 2004

A friend of mine from College just e-mailed me. He reminded me that I made out with Adam Sandler in college. This was actually funny. Adam Sandler and his roommate got the #2 pick in the whole University for dorm rooms. How this draft system worked was that you got a draft # and that’s how you got to choose what room you took. Basically you would choose the best room of what rooms were left available. That particular year my friend and his roommate got the #1 pick and Adam Sandler and his roommate got the #2 pick. There is a dorm called Brittany on the NYU campus. This dorm had 2 penthouse apartments with two separate roof decks. PIMP! So Adam had a Charlie Manson party. I can’t remember exactly what this was based on but Geraldo or 60 Minutes was doing an up close and personal interview with Charles Manson. Well Adam and his roommate had a party around this tv event.

I’m not sure what romantic moment brought me and Adam together. It could of been the insanity of Charles Manson or maybe it was the delicious taste of Shaffer beer in cans. I don’t think god intended for me to have all the answers. But that was the last time I saw Adam. Our love for psychotic killers just wasn’t strong enough to keep us together.

Panama City girls. I’ll be there on Wed. Big week for you guys.

posted by Liliana @ 10:41 AM

Saturday, April 24, 2004

So today I had around 100 e-mails from people across the globe. Most of those people chatting about the CMT special. But there were also quite a few letters directed to the New Orleans bar. Usually I get a few letters about Vegas, New York, New Orleans, also Austin. But today was solely New Orleans. Every letter beaming about what a good time they had at the New Orleans bar and how much they loved the girls. I put a lot of pressure on the girls who work at the bars that I run day to day. NY, New Orleans, Austin. I’m probably hardest on the New Orleans girls because I live here. It has been a rough transition from being in New york to moving down here. There is a difference in the attitude. The girls are just different. But it is very refreshing to hear that people like the New Orleans bar. I even got a letter about Veronica ( the wild one). If I wrote some of the stunts she has pulled my lawyers would kill me. But take it from me, she is crazy!! But that’s what we love about her.
I go in the New Orleans bar yesterday. It was the day shift and Angel and Brooke were working. Angel looked like complete shit. She fell off a mechanical bull and fractured her ribbs. ” I know you need the money but if you can’t work, don’t fuck us or your partners up.” I’m going to try and do something today for her shift. “Buy the gimp a shot day.” I figure if she was stupid enough to get hurt and then she wants to work. Well let’s make some money on her injury. These girls are out of control. We used to do bikini arm wrestling on saturday day shifts. The girl who did them was undefeated. One day she went out got really drunk. Of course ended up at a strip club. Challenged a stripper to an arm wrestling match. And broke her arm in a million places. Hence we no longer have bikini arm wrestling day.
As a true New Orleanean would say ” These girls are motherfucking crazy!”

posted by Liliana @ 12:01 PM

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Technology today. Aaron and I have had a bit of a tiff today. The whole argument has been waged over e-mail. I find I still get just as angry even if it takes place via the internet. Thank god Aaron and I never IM each other, my hands would be numb from typing that fast. That’s what I don’t like about IM’ing, if you are not a fast typer, you don’t get your point across. Aaron and I will be fine tomorrow. I’m pissed over a paperwork issue.
So tonight the CMT special came on again. I showed it to Jackson. Within 10 seconds he asked if we could put a movie on that had both of us in it. I said to him ” Jackson this is mommy’s job. You should be proud of mommy.” His quick response was ” I want to watch a show for boys. All the girls’ lips look cracked up. It’s scary.” Out of the mouths of babes. ” Girls he’s only 4, he didn’t mean it. He’s just pissed that he wasn’t on TV. “
So I rewatched the special and I want to reiterate something. The girls have to work so hard to be Coyotes. The show only showed the dancing. But they take bartending classes, liquor classes, they have to learn procedures, and they have to learn my history and the history of the bar. It’s not just a regular bartending job. They need to use the mic. They need to be funny, witty, and become great salesmen. It’s a hard job. But for a lot of people; bartenders, bouncers, porters, barbacks, managers, it’s the best job they ever had. Some nights are great. You have the crowd eating out of your hands and you’re a rock star. Other nights the crowd is hard. You try and entertain them but they don’t react. you use the mic and instead of being funny you insult someone and they leave. When that happens, you have the added bonus of your boss getting upset with you. I remember nights of just being off. Making a drink order and fucking it up. Bumping into the other bartenders and spilling drinks. I still have a scar on my leg from jumping off the bar and hitting the speed rack. I remember nights where I would get home at 6 am, my feet would hurt so bad and then I would have to work the day shift, that same day, because someone called in sick.
I asked some of the managers to give me their recommendations for Coyote of the month. Aaron recommended someone ( can’t say). He called her a work horse. He said she is constantly picking up extra shifts and helping out when he or Chantel are away. ( that probably gave it away).
Marshall and the Beave both nominated the same girl. Their comments were about this girl working even when she was injured, always professional, great with customers etc. Being a Coyote is a hard job. You are expected to be a bartender, a performer, a salesmen, and a psychic. By the end of the night you are bone tired and you still have to make sure your register is on and that you finish your closing duties.
Now for us there are added pressures. All the traveling. Getting to know new cities. Working all day and night and going home to a hotel room.
But I love my job and I love my life. Jackson you need to watch this show. One day it will all be yours.

posted by Liliana @ 10:12 PM

Thanks Russ ( Tampa regular) for the rose. That was very nice. I don’t care how cliche it is but I love getting roses. Especially red roses. Corny but I love it. Jazz fest this weekend. You know this will be the New Orleans’ bar 3rd Jazz fest and I always just stay at the bar. This year I am going to actually go to the fairgrounds and see some shows.
Chantel has been in Panama City training with Jacqui. I love when Chantel tells me the little things (gossip) that go on in the New Orleans bar . This week it’s just Aaron so I don’t hear about the boyfriends, the regulars, the lastest dirt. Girls are so much better at that. Sometimes I miss GM’ing the bars. I love working with the girls and hearing trash from the customers. It is different when you are going every week to a different bar. You don’t become as close to the girls or to the customers. I love going to the New York bar. So many of my regulars still go there and when I walk in it’s like I never left. Unfortunately it still smells the same. Maybe a tad worse.
Good news I think after one full year of negotiations we are going to sign a lease in Cancun!!! Yeah. This week I have gotten hundreds of letters about people wanting us to open in their town. There are a few places that I am actively persuing but haven’t had any luck finding the right location. So my thought is just ask the people. So what I am asking is if anyone knows of legitimate spaces in Ft. Lauderdale and Nashville write me about them. lil@coyoteuglysaloon.com
thanks.

posted by Liliana @ 11:17 AM

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Our little girl is all grown up. Kim, my assistant manager in NY just got married. She sent me pictures. They look so beautiful and happy. Oh memories. I had a beautiful wedding. Too bad the marriage didn’t work out! But I have to say thanks to Tony. Beautiful wedding, beautiful friend, and beautiful kid. I would say it was well worth it.
So a Tampa bouncer last night told me that behind my back and Lee’s, all the bouncers were calling us ” The Bobs” I said what does that mean? he said it was a reference to the movie ” Office Space” Oh, now I understand. If you don’t know the movie let me give a brief synopsis. Bunch of dorky guys, hate their jobs. Beaten by the man. The company brings in corporate honchos and starts evaluating everyone and firing people. Blah blah blah. The funniest line of the movie was when one of the lead characters goes into his meeting with the Bobs.
BOBS: ” Looks like you missed a lot of work.”
GUY: “Well I wouldn’t say I’ve been missing it, BOB.”
Very funny. I was hysterical laughing when Dave, the bouncer, told me this. Of course , the added humor on his part came when I said ” I will see you in a month.” He then said ” Lil, will I still be here in a month?” Good sense of humor he has!
Everyone in Tampa. I really love the staff. Some of the best performers of any Coyote. Just understand that this is a business. If it has the Coyote name on it, I want it to be the best. Anything I do will make the bar better. ” See you guys in a month.”

posted by Liliana @ 2:28 PM

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Some funny e-mails today. One person asked if I could send them naked pictures of myself so they could have plastic surgery and look like me. Very funny. Maybe I have naked pictures of myself or maybe I don’t? Does someone out there have blackmail pictures of me naked. All I can say to that is, as long as I look good, I could give a shit.
I received a very funny e-mail about my assistant manager in Austin, Michelle ( AKA the Beave) So this guy said he walked into the Austin bar and she challenged him and his friends to a Guiness chugging contest. They accepted. He won. Well he realized a few minutes later, that what she did was genius. He paid for 4 pints of Guiness, then after they chugged he bought another round just for them to drink casually. He also bought her a shot to say “Good try!” He said that her one challenge regardless of whether she won or not made the bar $37 in a matter of 10 seconds. “The Beave is awesome!!”
We had a big meeting in Tampa today. Let’s see what happens. Back to New Orleans tomorrow. I’m ready to go home.

posted by Liliana @ 7:14 PM

Monday, April 19, 2004

For everyone who has seen the CMT special ” it is hard work being a coyote!!!” Let me tell you, they only showed a very little part of what the coyotes have to do and train for. This is a hard job. Damn it I’m glad we are finally getting some respect!!!
I’m in the office of the Tampa bar right now. I needed to write about how April just chilled a shot of Crown for me. ” At what point do I want my whisky chilled? And if anyone orders their whiskey or bourbon chilled, tell them they are an embarrassment to any real drinkers across the globe!” It was April’s birthday last week. She has celebrated it every shift she has worked. The positive is that people came in to see her and spent a lot of money buying drinks. The negative is she is pretty much toast midway through the evening. “April birthday week is over, time to get to work.”
So they hired a new manager down here. I’m training him for a few days. ( Todd) . I met him this morning and he was so quiet and polite. This afternoon Lee and I met him at the bar and the first thing he said was “Lee I’ve only known you for a few hours and you are already on your third outfit!!” I laughed so hard. Even Lee laughed. ” Lee AKA Metro Man” Todd is a cool guy. We went out and I told him that under no circumstances can he sleep with any of the girls. Well we walked in and Tiffany and April were setting up. Seperately they both eyed him like a piece of meat. Very funny.
Lee just answered the bar phone. he goes ” Lil excuse me but you know the barback from the other day? ” “Yes Lee I do.” ” Well that was him, he’s in jail.”
So what now I’ve got to go bail him out? Bullshit

posted by Liliana @ 10:30 PM

Saturday, April 17, 2004

OK. The CMT thing went alright. Esther we love you. And Austin girls you look great on TV. Man I am so happy they didn’t show the rest of opening night in Austin. Blackmail footage. There is so much that goes into opening a bar and it’s too bad they didn’t touch on that.
So I’m still in Tampa. These girls need some bartending 101. My bar or any bar, the thing that pisses me off most is bartenders not being able to take more then one drink order at a time. If someone asks you for 2 beers, you have the mental capacity to take someone else’s order as well. Back in the day, when I was bartending, I could take 4 peoples orders, solicite drinks for myself, and do the whole Coyote schtick. Man it’s painful to watch these girls having to take every order seperately. Sara asked how does a manager teach that? Well at the employee meeting on Tuesday these girls are going to turn into bartending machines!!!
Lauren last night, Super Star!!!

posted by Liliana @ 10:17 AM

Thursday, April 15, 2004

I’m at the Tampa bar this week. Of course the week I come it’s not that warm out. I got a place for Jackson and I at the beach. Well it’s been so fucking cold he hasn’t been able to go in the water. God Bless Chucky Cheese! Who the fuck would ever think I would say that? I brought a few guys from my team. Aaron ( GM New Orleans ) is temporarily working as one of the managers here. Interesting to watch the girls from the different bars. The Tampa girls have some of the strongest performers. But they are weaker at the aggressive sales. But all in all a really good group of girls. I’m going to plan a meeting next week. Poor Tampa girls they are going to have to here my shit next week.
I haven’t wanted to mention this but I am nauseous ( I can’t spell that) over the fucking Reality show. I feel sorry for Jacqui, they are going to focus on her because they filmed pre opening of Austin, that’s when we concentrate heavily on the choreography. Lee and I are going to try and find some secluded place to watch this. God, I’m sure they are going to paint me the fucking mean bitch. ” Jacqui we’re in trouble”
” Austin Girls. Just remember this is a show that we don’t control. Don’t freak out over things that are said about each other, us, whatever. I have personal knowledge of how it feels when your words are taken out of context. It sucks but we know the truth. You girls have become a strong team over the last few months. We are a team all of us. Good luck!!”

posted by Liliana @ 7:46 PM

Monday, April 12, 2004

I’m having one of those days. The phone has been ringing all day. I went to the doctor’s office, waited for 30 minutes just to be told he was in surgery and forgot to call me. Then I was in Target picked the wrong line, the register went down. And of course I got stuck there for an extra 20 minutes. Now I’m supposed to go to Tampa on Wednesday and I can not find a hotel. Just one of those days. I don’t think yoga is the cure today. Perhaps an ice cream sunday with hot fudge. Or maybe a glass of ” Big Ass Shiraz”
I get a message today from a local New Orleans radio station. We already advertise on them. The salesmen said it was very important that he come to the meetings I am having with Big Easy Choppers. ” When you decide to pay for this bike, you’ll be invited. Back the fuck off till then” For god sakes it’s not even a done deal.
Shitty day, perhaps it’s best if I sit quietly by myself.

posted by Liliana @ 8:48 PM

Sunday, April 11, 2004

So I went to the Tampa bar last night. Tiffany and Amanda are definitely rock stars. Chrissy was wearing pants that showed off her butt cleavage. Lee told me that that style is all the rage. ” Well Chrissy, you definitely have the body to pull it off.” KJ, always a pleasure. I know I’m not mentioning everyone but I was impressed at how well all the girls worked together.
I met one of their most dedicated regulars, he was very nice. In fact he has written me several times. Supposedly he is going to get a stool with his name on it. In New Orleans, I made a bet with one of the regulars. I told her that if she came in every night for one year she would get a stool. I couldn’t believe it. She did it. The boys got her a stool with embroidered lettering. Pretty nice.
Happy Easter, Passover, or other!
This Lil Spill is dedicated to my son. I love you Jackson.

posted by Liliana @ 11:17 AM

Saturday, April 10, 2004

So I get a call yesterday from my friend Jill who lives in New York. She screams at me ” Lil, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about being in Entertainment weekly!” So I respond to her that I didn’t know I was in Entertainment weekly. ” How don’t you know? I’m standing in your NY bar and all the regulars have seen it.” Of course my natural response to this is ” do people read Entertainment weekly?” ” Lil, you know all the other 7 page spreads you’ve done in GQ, Inc etc. That doesn’t mean anything. This means you have reached celebrity status.” So of course now I’m feeling a bit anxious about seeing this article. I tell Jill, ” OK I’ll go to the store and buy it.” Very nonchalantly she says ” you can’t get it yet at the stores, you have to be a subscriber.”
This magazine is so big people subscribe to it? So I go to the store, just to see, and she was right. I can’t get it yet. I’m very curious what it says. I’m also curious about my assistant manager, Kim, being a subscriber. Jill then told me that she, personally, subscribes to Entertainment weekly, People, Us, and something else I can’t remember. She actually got me a subscription to Us about 4 years ago, as a christmas present. I can’t lie, my ex-husband and I fight to read it. ” how over Jessica Simpson is everybody?” OK I’ll post the article when I get it. I don’t know when us little people can buy it at the stores, but I’ll keep everyone posted.”

posted by Liliana @ 5:32 AM

Friday, April 09, 2004

I am in shock. I just received an e-mail from a regular in NY. He sent me a link to a web page that is entitle Ugly Inc. Well everyone knows that is my company’s name, and I will risk life and limb to protect my company’s name and reputation. But I can’t lie, I was so horrified by what I saw on this web site I had to list it here. I don’t want to give anything away but I felt the same emotion when I read about lobster boy. Go to this link now before we shut them down. All I can say is ” Oh my God!!” www.geocities.com/jt030186/Ugly_Inc.html

posted by Liliana @ 12:36 PM

Why am I negotiating this custom bike project? Yesterday Terrell , the owner of Big Easy Choppers, was describing to me the cubic size of the engine. That’s like white noise to me. I’m interested in the design and look of the bike but I have no clue about what makes a bike work! Now I have choices on the air compression system and other working parts. Who the hell am I, Indian Larry? As we all know I am not Indian Larry, even though he is very nice. Kevin spoke to me afterwards and asked some questions about the mechanics of the bike. This was my answer: ” how the fuck do I know? You need to call them yourself” In this instance, I’m the money man. Just get me the cheapest price and tell me how it’s going to benefit the company.
In the meeting they asked if I rode and I told them how I had been in an accident once. The short story is; I had a friend ( male) on the back of a bike. We made a turn and skidded ( crash!) Well after that I haven’t really ridden. All Terrell could say was ” I could never ride bitch behind a woman!” He is very funny. Well let’s see what happens.

posted by Liliana @ 8:42 AM

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Oh Veronica, Veronica. This is actually funny. I get a call yesterday from one of the owners of the new Panama City bar. She tells me that Veronica, an old bartender of mine, submitted a resume and wants to work at that bar. I said great , I love Veronica. As long as you expect wild and crazy, you will get an excellent Coyote. ( just for record Veronica will go down in history as one of the wildest Coyotes, but she is an awesome technical bartender and she really gets the crowd going). So I didn’t think much of this, until just a minute ago, I get an e-mail from Aaron. This e-mail tells me that Veronica is coming back to work Saturdays. ” Nice working both sides. Veronica, I admire that. Too bad I’m a partner in Panama City and I know what’s going on.” Nothing but love for you. So work as long as you can in New Orleans and we will wish you well in Panama City.
Nothing else to report. Boston girls I got a very nice letter from some fireman up there. Excellent!!

posted by Liliana @ 10:35 PM

Tuesday, April 06, 2004

I meet Kevin in denver. We had to evaluate a possible new location. Well he shows up and claims to have elevation sickness. You know how when you are skiing in the mountains, like he was just doing, you always get sick when you have to go back to work. Well we go with our host out to a delicious restaurant called Cielo. ( spanish for sky) The restaurant was delicious, and even I thought the mojitos were good. ( Don’t get any ideas that I will serve those in my bars, any drink with fresh herbs in it , is definitely not worthy of Coyote Ugly) Kevin has these chopotle ribs. And being a fragile caucasian boy (key words fragile and boy) he was not feeling well all night. Almost like drinking the water in mexico. “Lil I feel like turd. And I can’t shake this elevation sickness) What am I Florence Nightingale? This elevation sickness certainly didn’t stop him from snowboarding. I also remember a hot tub story. I guess he had to stuggle to have drinks in a hot tub with a bunch of girls.
So today, I literally got off the plane, got into my car and drove directly to Whole Foods ( my favorite store) I’m holding an Easter Egg Hunt for Jackson’s class. I’m actually stressed out over this. When I accepted this school job, I figured it would be his teachers and his little classmates. Of course, I find out a few days ago that the parents are going to show up too. OK, now I have to go clean my house and start baking.

posted by Liliana @ 9:38 PM

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Very harsh stories from the Austin bar yesterday. There is something going on in Austin called Relay. I have no idea what that is? Marshall told me that there were mini riots outside the bar. They actually had to lock the doors of the bar so people didn’t come screaming inside. That is fucked up. What is it with these events? Can’t people just enjoy themselves?
I never thought I would see this day but some woman’s tattoos clashed with her outfit. I love tattoos. So sexy!! Yesterday I was standing outside the New Orleans bar with Travis and we saw this girl walk by. She had tattoos up her arms and along her collar bones. They were very floral. Big petals and very intricate vines. Well she wore a very floral sun dress. Look wether it be on your body or on a piece of material two seperate floral prints just don’t go.
Seeing this woman got Travis into a conversation about how I should never get a flower tattoo. ” Sorry Lil but if I may be so bold . You aren’t delicate. Flowers don’t suit you” Very nice Travis. I just don’t show my delicate side. He then went into telling me that I should get pants custom made to show off my already existing tattoos . I’ve got two (that you can see) one on each hip. I guess the guys dig my tattoos. Custom pants, ok, I can do that.

posted by Liliana @ 9:16 PM

Saturday, April 03, 2004

So I was at the New Orleans bar during happy hour yesterday. Chantel had to work for Angel yesterday. The usual happy hour team are Angel and Brooke. Well after being there for an hour I told aaron I was going to go home and watch paint dry, probably more exciting. We have human bowling on Friday afternoons. Pretty painful to watch,but I can’t lie, it’s like a plane crash. You are just drawn to watch it.
The night girls were a breathe of fresh air. KP got in trouble, but the other girls were great.
I may be going to Shanghai and Korea. How cool is that? I am heading to the bar right now. I think next week starts French Quarter fest. I love New Orleans every other week there is a parade or something going on. Just another excuse to drink and party. Excellent!!!

posted by Liliana @ 10:16 AM

Friday, April 02, 2004

Nice life for Kevin. He was invited by the minnesota contractors that we hired on a ski trip in Colorado. ” Lil I have to go. It’s corporate relations.” Having fun and skiing. That will really help us. ” While you’re there Kevin. Get their bid down $50,000. Or sell a few points in San Antonio.” That is what I call corporate relations.
New York girls, Jacqui is cracking the whip. No more vacations. Promote your shifts!!!
So I get a call yesterday saying that there is a full page spread in ” The star” with pictures of Paris Hilton and Nichole Richie on the bar in Tampa. I haven’t seen it yet. I wonder if the caption read ; ” Dumb Assistant manager and minority owner pay for Billionaire Heiress’ Drinks”? That would be pretty funny.
Aaron is pitching me to buy a custom Coyote Ugly Bike from Big Easy Choppers. ” Aaron, how much?” ” Lil, it’s only $40,000″ $40,000 for a fucking motorcycle I can’t ride. And then I have to raffle it off to someone else. Yeah, Yeah I see the marketing potential in this. But I can’t even ride a bike that I’m going to pay $40,000 for. Makes me sick.

posted by Liliana @ 11:29 AM

Thursday, April 01, 2004

I think I need to make a little trip to the Dallas bar. OK girls it is time to get back to the basics.
I got a letter today from a New Orleans regular explaining a bet that Tara and Andrea made against each other. The bet was about who could make a hundred dollar tip first. If Andrea won she would have Tara wash her car in front of the bar and if Tara won she would win a free massage. Well Popsicle, a long time regular, knew about this bet and gave Tara $100. Obviously Tara won the bet. I’m sorry but I think that is cheating. I think we should redo the bet and include washing my car!!! I think Aaron is starting to lose his mind. He wrote me the other day about how good his dart team was (Coyote sponsered). He was so excited. Aaron you need to get a life when the dart team is the most exciting thing to talk about.
I enrolled Chantel in a bartending competion in Italy. She is one of the fastest bartenders I have seen, so I figured this was a no brainer. Well I found out recently that the competion doesn’t even include speed. It is all about knowing drinks. Well that would be fine but we don’t make froo froo drinks. I’m going to have to get her a European drink book and we’ll have to get someone who speaks Italian to teach her to recognize the drink names in Italian. The great thing about Chantel is that she is competitive so she’ll be speaking Italian in no time.
That’s all I’ve got.

posted by Liliana @ 11:49 AM

Wednesday, March 31, 2004

I’ve got nothing today that is really funny. I went out with Lee’s dad last night. Lee is to his dad what larry Flint is to Ghandi. Lee’s dad is so nice and so kind.He works with the mentally retarded, handicapped, and the elderly. The fruit fell far from the tree. I pryed a little into Lee’s backround wanting to discover what makes him so over the top. And wa la!! Eureka! It seems that Lee’s mom had a few bloody Mary’s the night before he was born. Vodka + tobasco = Lee They should put that as a warning on liquor bottles. Happy Birthday Lee
Jacqui and I were having a conversation today about a movie I had viewed, “Pimps Up Hos Down” Well to my surprise she had seen this movie too. Their key marketing line is: “Pimps Up Hos Down A Pimpumentary” A must see. Houseboy says it’s a classic.
Well today I have so much going on that I can’t even muster any good tales. I’m sure some shit will piss me off tomorrow so I’ll write about it. Happy Birthday Lee

posted by Liliana @ 6:51 PM

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

KJ a bartender from Tampa just sent me this e-mail entitled ” Duties of a Women”
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new
wives straight on their duties.

The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania.
He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a
couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the
dishes were all washed and put away.

The second man had married a woman from Ohio.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the
cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn’t
see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house
was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table when
he came home.

The third man had married a Florida girl. He boasted that he told
her he wanted his house cleaned, dishes washed, cooking done and laundry
washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he
didn’t
see anything and the second day he didn’t see anything but by the third day
some of the swelling had gone down so he could see just a little out of his
left eye!

Gotta love those Florida Ladies! “

Very funny. You know what is funny about this, I received an e-mail from Lee this morning. The crap in it isn’t important. But I wrote him a full page letter back stating that I am an empowered women and nobody stands in my way. I even called myself a ” motherfucking powerhouse.” So even though I would never hit a man ” Like the Florida women in the little story above. (not very lady like.) Don’t stand in my way!! AND DO YOUR OWN GOD DAMN DISHES!!!
Too much coffee today. I’m sure, I’ll be doing everyone’s dishes tonight.

posted by Liliana @ 1:16 PM

Monday, March 29, 2004

On a personal note. Jackson’s dad bought him 3 beta fish. So he brings them back to my house with the instructions that they can not come in contact with each other or they will kill each other. ” Mommy they’re killers.” The tank he bought for them is so small they have absolutely no room to swim ( since the tank has 3 compartments) Everyone who knows me knows that I am an animal lover and it is now torturing me to have these fish in an inadequate tank. God damn it. What I don’t have enough stress? Now I have to worry about these damn fish!!!
I am going to San fransisco in the next two weeks and Denver. Wish me luck.

posted by Liliana @ 1:30 PM

Sunday, March 28, 2004

How many days does it take to recover from jet lag? The desert safari: This was an incredible experience. Our driver was a first timer. We were 4 wheeling and he kept getting stuck in the sand. The second time we got stuck in the sand the car was literally verticle to the sand. Very scary getting out of the car while it was in that postion.

The desert was remarkably peaceful. So beautiful, it was the Arabian desert. After spending the day 4 wheeling and admiring the scenery they take you to a camp out in the middle of nowhere. It was great. We wore the traditional muslim outfits. We ate incredible food. We saw a bellydancer (she was phillipino). And we smoked the hooken (I don’t know how to spell it or pronounce it). That was interesting. It smelled very much like vanilla. I can’t tell you how incredible this experience was. Sitting in the desert in the middle east and feeling very peaceful.

So the big pow-wow. We got back to the hotel and had to quickly change and finally meet, “The Money Guy” There is always the big fish in every group. Well we hadn’t met him yet but that night was the night. We were picked up by Avi, our main contact, and brought to the Burj Al Arab (literal translation; Towers of Arabia) This is a hotel that supposedly has a 6-star rating. Supposedly it is the only hotel in the world to achieve this honor. This hotel was incredible. You go over this bridge that is lit up with different colored lighting and you get to the main entrance. At the front of the hotel they have Bentleys just sitting there in case a guest needs a car. When you walk in, the lobby is decorated very eclecticly and the walls are huge aquariums with colorful fish swimming everywhere. Very impressive. They also have a restaurant that is below sealevel. Eating while veiwing the underworld.

So we are escorted by Avi to this cigar lounge. Very upscale as you can imagine. A group of 4 men are sitting at a table looking very stern. When I say stern I mean it was like walking into the movie The Godfather. I half expected for people to be kissing somebodies ring. And it wasn’t mine. OK we get introduced and the “Money Guy” is a man named Rashid . In a similar fashion to Marlon Brando in The Godfather, he kept very quiet, listening and checking me out. Probably about 15 minutes in Rashid spoke. He addressed me. “I read your column. Did you find a rich sheik?” That was the ice breaker. It ends up that Rashid went to school in Austin and his english is better then mine (not hard). He told a few very funny stories and some very sad stories. He told us about being in a London airport when 9-11 happened. He was in a cafe/airport bar and everyone’s eyes were peeled on to CNN. A few minutes into watching what had happened he turned around and realized everyone was looking at him, he said the only thing that came to mind was saying ” Those Damn Arabs.” When he told this story we were all laughing but the truth is it’s not funny. And it wasn’t funny that innocent people are stereotyped and feel like outcasts because of the acts of a few fanatics. Let’s move on.

The conversation turned to business and the reality of Coyote Ugly opening in Dubai. My idea of making a line of Coyote Ugly dish/dash or abiyahs, was taken well by some and criticized by others. As long as it did not offend anyone, how cool would it be to have the bouncers in traditional robes with Coyote logos on them?

By the way, I almost forgot. They have better and more current radio there then in New Orleans. I couldn’t believe it. All they play is American music. So we talked about bands that come to Dubai. Rashid was funny, he turned down an opportunity to bring Nickelback to one of his hotels. He said at that point he had never heard of them. He said they came and grossed millions of dollars (someone else made a lot of money on that). So what started out to be a bad scene from a movie ended really well. If we don’t do business I hope to at least keep in contact with these guys. Really smart, really personable, and very kind. We will all meet again.

Now to end my story, ALITALIA SUCKS!!! If I ever go back again, I’m flying with some other airline. Now back to business here. “Aaron and Chantel, let’s work on Friday nights!!! The end!

posted by Liliana @ 1:20 PM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

“Kevin we are having drinks on a veranda looking over the Persian Gulf” Pretty surreal. Did you know that Absynthe is legal in Dubai? Well it is. One of our hosts played a joke on Kevin and bought him a shot. Later on we found out that it was really a shot of sambuca. People have been asking me ” do they hate americans? Is it very violent over there?” The answer is no. In fact most of the people we had meetings with were born in Dubai but educated in the states. And the closest thing to violence was an incounter with a bohemoth Australian girl in the bathroom of a Japaneserestaurant/nightclub. This girl, very very big, was putting on makeup. There was a long line for the rest room. She says to the line ” when I’m done I’m cutting the line cause I have to go” Usually men are like this. You know “the I’m bigger then you bully” type. Well you know my luck, I get up to the front of the line and she finishes her makeup. She looks at me. Before she could say a word, I say “I don’t care who you are, I’m going first” She was shocked. But with grace she went to the back of the line. That would of sucked if she kicked my ass. ” Just not the face.” My best talent, reading people.
I will finish this later. Lee’s dad is in town. Maybe he can fill me in on what happened to Lee

posted by Liliana @ 8:04 PM

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I am so excited. Kevin and I are going on a desert safari. Part of this is sand boarding ( close relative to snow boarding), camel rides, 4 wheeling on sand dunes and day time fun. At night you watch sunset on the desert which is supposed to be very beautiful, a lot of traditional food, and the best of all belly dancers!!
Last night we went out for a traditional Lebanese meal. It was awesome. Then we headed to a few clubs by the beach. We had a very good time. But let me go back in time. I was getting ready to go out and Kevin said that my dress was too revealing. I changed 4 times before I was greeted with approval by Kevin. What met with his approval was black jeans and a black long sleeved sweater. I was completely covered. ” Lil, this is a different culture, show respect.” Well that being said, I was the most dressed woman out. At the clubs the women were dressed in miniskirts, cut off shirts, tube tops. So the phrase overdressed really meant something for me.
As far as the US embasy closing, we haven’t felt any change here. The people have been so kind to us and we haven’t felt any heightened danger. But thanks to a few of my friends who called and were worried for me. Love You Guys. ( so far Jeff’s plan isn’t working) I’m still president!!!

posted by Liliana @ 4:30 AM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

28 hours!! That is right it took us 28 hours to get here. The Dubai airport is unbelievably clean and very modern. It was the best customs experience I have ever had. Very organized, quick. Thank god because I was not feeling so hot after our trip. This city is immaculately clean. And the people have been very kind and helpful. I have my first meeting in 2 hours and I have only slept 4 hours in the last 36. I’ve got to muster the last bit of charm I have. Today should prove interesting. They have asked us to assess whether Coyote can work here. I am very interested to see the clubs tonight. As westernized as this city is, it still holds a predominately muslim feel. The women are very modestly dressed (believe me I had to search my closet for modest clothing). I could hear the singing of morning prayers at 5 am. It was strangely peaceful.

A lot of money in this city. Marble in the airport. Supposedly the United Arab Emirates is one of the wealthiest countries in the world. Maybe I’ll bring myself home a sheik. They have camel racing, I have to see this!!! I will take loads of pictures. To go back to the dress code again. I never realized how Ho like I dress!! Just finding a shirt that didn’t show cleavage or show off my mid drift was difficult. I’ll try and update my Spill as often as possible. (We flew directly over Baghdad. That freaked us a bit).

posted by Liliana @ 2:06 AM

Sunday, March 21, 2004

So Tony just called a friend who is a journalist that specializes in middle eastern countries. He said that Dubai is incredible. He said not to worry, just have fun. Now I am officially excited. The beaches are supposed to be beautiful and they have some of the best restaurants in the world. I love to eat (not wheat). Coyote Ugly Dubai, here I come.

Jeff is down in New Orleans. He’s been on a three day bender. I went down to the bar to meet him, he asked if we could get some business done. He is funny, Newcastle in one hand, legal documents in the other. It was a 4 beer meeting for him. Club soda for me. Nothing but love Jeff. Live it up. Every year he keeps moving further and further away from NYC. I think the cows make him very lonely (and thirsty).

My next Spill will be from Dubai!!!

posted by Liliana @ 8:56 PM

Today I will focus this Lil Spill on Austin. Right now South by South West is going on. It is a huge Music festival that lasts for 5 days. We have signed on with the promoters for this week to be a live music venue. Tonight I get a call from Marshall. He was a little shaken by something that had happened. The promoters had booked a woman whose (no fucking idea if it’s whose or who’s) whole schtick was a burlesque style act that used a lot of sexual vulgarity as the theme to her songs. Marshall actually said that some of her set was funny. Well Austin is in the south, bible belt and all, and some people were very offended by her. So one woman demanded her money back. She told Marshall he was going to hell. ( he told me that he already knows that but feels it’s no ones place to tell him). But I guess what shook him up was that she spat at him. Do you think god spits at people? I hate people like that. Get some fucking manners. If you don’t like the show, go somewhere else until the next band comes on. Shake it off Marshall. I’m sure that David Chapelle, Eddie Murphy, Betty Page all got spit on at some point in their careers. So you are in good company.

Did I ever tell you that the assistant manager in Austin’s last name is Beaver? Oh yeah. She e-mailed me saying that she has been mercilessly teased most of her life, now she actually thinks it is funny. Well to be perfectly frank when I speak to Marshall about her, I refer to her as the Beave. I was pleasantly amused today when I received an e-mail from her. She actually signs her e-mails Beave. I love that. You know what? She just went up a notch in my book. She can laugh at herself!! So important. (I had a girl in NY and her last name was Roach. We grilled her mercilessly for that. Behind her back. The Roach. That’s priceless.)

posted by Liliana @ 2:24 AM

Friday, March 19, 2004

The influx of people writing and just simply telling me I can’t spell is too great. Houseboy just wanted me to be aware that synonymous doesn’t use a p. This was my thinking; if a y comes after the s, and s is the first sound in the word, well it is likely that p comes before the s like in the word PSYCHO.
Was I one of the kids whom fell through the holes in the system. For god sakes I went to a Catholic high school and I went to NYU , a prestigious university. Did I just skate by with my charm and good looks? Why can’t I get spellcheck to work properly?
On another note, why the hell am I listening to houseboy? This is a man who uses the word ain’t and pimp in almost every sentence that comes out of his mouth. I must be about to get my period because I am genuinely upset that I can’t spell. And I know about my grammer issues. My rule of thumb; if there is a pause in the sentence, just throw a comma in. You know what , I’m not going to get down on myself. Jackson’s dad is a screenwriter and he spells worse then me. Every producer he works for comments on his poor spelling and grammer. He went to a Catholic high school too. And also NYU.
I’m uncovering the mystery. We should of saved the money and gone to public grade school. And we should of attended more classes in college. Jackson’s dad seems to have overcome the spelling issue because one of his films is in the Tribeca Film festival and he seems to always have work.
Now the real issue. How am I going to survive in the middle east without eating wheat. I have not eaten wheat in 5 years . I can’t be rude to our hosts and not eat what they offer. God damn it. PMS right when I’m about to take a 20 hour plane ride. Kevin and I on a plane for 20 hours. Don’t feel sorry for Kevin. It is uncanny. Every trip we take, he gets bumped up to first class. When we arrive at hotels he always gets the best room. It never fails.
Larry and Scooter I’ll speak with you later today. Fun, fun, fun!!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:19 AM

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Before you read the editorial below. It was not Sara who comped Paris and Nicole. It was the assistant manager, Larry and the ever present minority owner Scooter. They will both be receiving calls from me tomorrow. “Since you guys feel so free to give away the house’s money, well feel free to send me some flowers to make up for it. Sara too.”

posted by Liliana @ 7:21 PM

I just got an e-mail that Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were at the Tampa bar. This is what really iritates me: Sara’s statement: “Comps will be high because we paid their tab.”

Ok I am getting angrier thinking about this. “Do you know how much money they have?” They shouldn’t be comped!! A good Coyote should take them for everything. My god why didn’t they get those rich girls to buy the whole bar a round? HILTON. That name is synonymous with bocu dollars!!! I have worked in clubs, high end places etc. I never understood this nightclub mentality of letting rich people get everything for free. Most promoters will tell you that they want the reputation that these rich people/ or celebrities come and frequent your place. They’ll say that it is good for business to have them in there. OK all I can say to that is: go give them free drinks at your club because at my bar everyone pays. How are Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton better then any other customers? The answer is they are not. Sara will call me today and say that they filmed at the bar and that is free exposure. Do you know what I say to that!! I say on film we should take them for everything they are worth. The show is about them trying to be part of normal soceity. Well normal people pay!!!

I came from nothing. I have worked all my life to get where I am. I love rich people, I aspire to be a rich person someday. But I didn’t get where I am today by giving things away for free. Tampa girls: If they come back to the bar, I want you to use sugar and spice and everything nice to make sure that those girls have at mininum a $500 tab (which they pay). Make it a personal goal to get as much money from them as possible.
GO TEAM!!!

posted by Liliana @ 1:34 PM

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Well last night I took out the New orleans girls for a girls night out ( I know I owe NY and Austin nights out too). Let me tell the story in reverse chronological order:
Wendy: ” Oh my god I stepped on a rats head. Did I kill it?” She was very close to weeping at this point, animal lover and all.
Angel: ” Let me go step on it’s head and make sure we put it out of it’s misery”
It is too bad the night ended in death because we had a great time.
Now about a half hour before that, we were getting our second round of lap dances at the hustler club. Andrea and I were in unison, “if your going to get a lap dance, it’s got to be a girl with big boobs.” I say the bigger the better. Well we got this girl who was awesome. A real pro. All of us took turns going in the Lap dance section with this one girl. ” She made me wet.” were Andrea’s words. Personally , part of me thought she really wanted me. But I knew she was just toying with us. ” Girl ,who ever you are. You are one hell of a performer!.”
Now let us jump back 2 hours. Now I am so proud to report this. We bought Tara her first lap dance ever!!! It brings a tear to my eye. My little girl is growing up. It was a beautiful moment.
Right before that , one of the Coyotes was recounting her days as a stripper. Giving us all the heads up on what we should expect from our chosen lap dancers. She also told us how she managed to feel safe. “I got Both hands for victory. One with a bottle of mase. And the other with a bottle of alchohol.”
Jump 2 hours back. Eating a delicious dinner at Muriels . Drinking delicious wine. Speaking about the colloquisms of the native people. ” I’ll be at work FOR 8″ ( I don’t think I should make fun of anyone considering I can’t spell and I use commas because I think I should,)
Very fun night.
By the way, Thanks Romina. This is one of my NY girls ( foreign accent gets all the guys) She worked last night at the New orleans bar.

posted by Liliana @ 10:54 AM

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Kevin and I are starting to freak about our trip to Dubai ( United Arab Emirates ). Do you know how fucking close that is to Iran and Iraq? I just sent one of our hosts a letter asking if there is any particular protocol we need to observe as both foreigners and myself as a woman? What the fuck! You know what? Jeff set this up for us. It seems very peculiar that he is not going on this trip. Good for you Jeff. When I get abducted and enrolled in some illegal prostitution ring ( saw that in a movie about Dubai), who is going to run the company. You think Jeff wants to off me? Unfortunately Kevin is just a bystander in this little game. ( Jeff I’m only kidding, kind of) But yes the trip is in about a week and I am definitely freaking over it.
By the way I acknowledge that Dubai is very cosmopolitan and westernized. But look at a fucking map. I can’t help being concerned. I love wearing dresses but the dresses I wear show cleavage and a lot of thigh. Do you think Saks has a line of berkas ?

posted by Liliana @ 1:51 PM

Saturday, March 13, 2004

I was sent a letter today about the methods of getting autographs from celebrity band members. ” Joe you have this down to a science.” The thought that went into this is pretty hardcore. I would like to share this in case anyone else needs tips getting autographs.
The perfect plan is pretty basic, but very time consuming and very tiresome. It goes like this:
1. Know every band member.
2. Find out exactly where the tour busses are located.
3. Observe the security and try to pinpoint their weakest spots.
4.If there’s fences and/or trucks to block their passage to the tour busses, try to find a place to stand, preferably near the entrance to the special events center so that you can catch them on the way in or out. If there’s a crowd, don’t try to push through to the front. Just ease your way carefully. Occasionally you have to shove, just a little.
5. The most difficult part is the waiting. You must either arrive hours before the concert or wait long hours afterward. Pay no attention to the guards. They will tell you that the band has already left. Occasionally they’re telling the truth, but 9 times out of 10 it’s bullshit just to get the crowd moving.
6. Make sure your voice is in tact because you’re going to need it.
7. Once you spot a band member, scream his or her name out as loud as possible. It’s best to have your item in hand. Once they look your way, wave your item like mad. That’ll usually get them to walk over to you.
8. Reach out as far as you can to them if there’s a crowd, but don’t stick anything in their face. That’ll just annoy them.

I don’t know why I think this is so funny, but I do. Supposedly he has gotten autographs from very many band members from pretty high end bands. ” you are an excellent strategist, It’s all about patience
OK New orleans. Well Wendy and Angel I hope the lunch you were eating while people waited for drinks and music , was good. It will take a lot of fancy talking from Chantel and Aaron to get me to keep this eating policy in place after the shit I witnessed today!!!

posted by Liliana @ 9:25 PM

Friday, March 12, 2004

Jon, the new intern, just sent his resume. This is going to be fun. He is currently in school trying for a degree in Hospitality Management. He’s worked in many restaurants and listen to this, he is also a lifeguard. Coyote Ugly meets baywatch!!! You know what’s fun with all these new guys, they run on completely different principles then Coyote. He’ll come in and tell me he learned this, that, and the other thing in school, and I will tell him ” get over it, we do things this way and I’ll show you why it works.” “Jon just so you know there is a non-fraternization rule with the employees.” “Too bad for you, but I’m sure the girls will introduce you to there older, heavier sisters. So don’t worry, you’ll meet very nice girls. ( Or not so nice). “
Saturday day girls in New Orleans guess what I am the manager on duty that day. How fun. Money, money, money. And girls ” Dress for Success” . There’s a lot going on right now in the Coyote Ugly world. Top secret!

posted by Liliana @ 11:11 AM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

What is it about the work ethic of these girls? So let’s set up the scenario. I have invited 2 NY girls and one N. O. girl to a conference in Italy where I am the Keynote speaker. It is a 3 day trip all expenses paid by the company whom invited us. Well the Ny girls have decided to make this a 10 day vacation. Now normally I wouldn’t care about it. But these NY girls are constantly taking time off. I’m really tired of it. In my day, you never took time off. And if you did, it was a once a year vacation that you planned a year in advance. I haven’t taken a real vacation in 3 years. yes 3 years! When Jacqui was a bartender for me, she never took a vacation. I think she had worked 4 years for me before she ever took time off. Now I know that must seem excessive because I certainly do not expect people to never take a vacation. But it just reflects a different orientation toward work.
I can’t even speak about what a few of the New Orleans bouncers did. If I said I was pissed that would be too easy. Disgusted is more the emotion I feel. Let’s move on. It seems that we may have our very own intern. Some school, I assume it is not IV league , is going to give this guy credit for interning for us. Free labor. I love that. Kevin has about 100 things for this guy to do and then I get an e-mail from Lee about another 100 things he needs this guy to do. He will live and breathe Coyote Ugly for his summer vacation. I hope he’s 21. It will be so sad after a 14 hour day, that he can not accompany us to one of the bars for a few beers.

posted by Liliana @ 9:52 PM

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

The Bloody Mary’s at Pat O’s are delicious. But man the service sucks. We would order 2 at a time because we knew that it would take a really long time to get our next drink. But again the Bloody Mary’s are excellent. I got a little hungry and Aaron pointed out that there was a cucumber and stalk of celery in every drink. ” What that’s not good enough for you!!!” Oh we went to a few strip clubs. Wearing nothing but chaps is definitely sexy. Aaron seemed very taking with this look. I think that will be my new outfit for around the house. Hello Mr. Mailman!!
I just heard something funny last week. a regular from the NY bar said he was in another neighboring bar and the owner told him to order 2 drinks because the bartender was that slow. I thought that was hysterical. Did I tell you I love my new personal assistant. I was a bit embarassed at the state of my office. But she went in like a freight train and organized everything. I love that. Man there is some organization gene missing in me. I just don’t have it. My desk looks like a cyclone hit it.
Just so everyone knows, on Fat Tuesday, I made a deal with the New Orleans barenders that I would purchase a massage for the girl who rang the highest. Congratulations Andrea. Now I am also going to do it for the high ring for the entirity of Mardi Gras. Wendy, It’s all you. Angel you were so close.

posted by Liliana @ 3:52 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Today is a better day then yesterday, but not so good for the infringer in Croatia. This is Jeff’s last e-mail to me:
“So, remember we had an infringer in Croatia? Key word being “had”. Turns out that there was a Coyote Ugly and the owner pissed off the wrong people. A truck with a bomb in it was parked in front of it and detonated (after hours). No more Coyote Ugly in Croatia! “
I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT! The next part of the letter was funnier. Jeff was amused that this incident saved us a lot of money with the trademark attorneys!! (” Debrauwere calm down, just a joke”)
I hired a new personal assistant, today is her first day. “please God let this work out!!” I have so much paperwork I feel like I’m drowning. Aaron and I have a date ( not a real date) later today to drink Bloody Mary’s and go to strip clubs. The last time we did this I was on my third Bloody Mary and he was on his ninth. I better eat a big lunch.

posted by Liliana @ 10:13 AM

Monday, March 08, 2004

Let me set the scene for how my day is going. Even from 2000 miles away, Lee can set me off. So picture this, we are IM ing each other for about an hour. Same bullshit; ” I would do it this way, well I would do it that way.” Blah blah blah. Well my son comes over and says ” mommy you can type so fast!” Well I realize when I am calm and happy I type around 25 words a minute. When I am IM ing and pissed off, ( because someone pushed my buttons) I can type about 75 words a minute. Well I get off with Lee and I have been doing paperwork, stuff that I hate but has to get done. Well Lee had told me to download this supposedly great song by Jamilia , Superstar. So I am doing this paperwork and this song is playing in the backround. Well I realize that the song ( kind of techno) is making me suicidal. Or maybe this is what people play before horrific acts like machine gunning people from a tower. Whatever. If I ever take my own life ( which will never happen) This is the song I will play to put myself in the mood.
I forgot to talk about the “Nina Leg Wrestling” It was a very creative idea the only flaw is that Nina doesn’t have the muscle to pull it off. I watched some girl crush her in a matter of 10 seconds. But at least the idea was good.

posted by Liliana @ 4:47 PM

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Laura from New Orleans, you are really doing a great job. I am proud of you. Keep it up. So last night I’m at the N.O. bar and the fire alarm goes off. First it seems as if it is a strobe light effect and then of course it sounds like an air raid. Well if that didn’t lose customers then the fire truck and firemen storming in did. Always something!! Lucas, bouncer , is so funny. I don’t remember what happened or what this was in context to, but all of a sudden he says to Shannon ” what is today, 1-800- blame a nigger day” Lucas is a 6ft 2 in black man And to hear him say this was quite funny. I will never forget about 2 or 3 months ago, Lucas was very depressed and I asked him what was wrong? I can’t tell you what upset him because that is personal. But I will say that the first 9 words out of his mouth came out of nowhere. And these words kept me chuckling for days. ” Lil, I was at a poetry reading last night.” Perhaps I am not sophisticated enough, but I don’t know anyone who goes out to hear poetry readings. Lucas is quite a character. He changes his hairstyle more then a woman changes her mind. I love him he’s great.
Tonight we have a new guy on. Supposedly he makes his living cage fighting. I asked Shannon about it and he says it is $800 win or lose . I’ve got to go see this. Coyote Ugly cage fighting. Maybe I’ll go pitch that to someone. ( hey new guy, let’s work on this!!)

posted by Liliana @ 5:19 PM

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Yesterday I get an e-mail from Lee “the Lee charm crosses oceans and overcomes language barriers.” It really is a work of art this Lee charm. I’ve never seen anything like it. Women flock to him like he is some ancient aphrodisiac. We can be in the fanciest restaurant and he will get passed a number from a woman. Low and behold, the only glitch is, if she is not a stripper currently she used to be one. Not that there is anything wrong with being a stripper. Some of my best friends are strippers. Just interesting that Lee won’t say one word and it is only these particular women who approach him. Well now he is half way across the world and the women of German are treating him like a prince. He loved this place he went to last night called the sage club. www.sage-club.de He said the people were so nice . Very helpful in the Coyote cause . He said they went out of their way to make him feel comfortable. I went on the web site. Pretty cool. Unfortunately, I do not read German. But really cool galleries. I want to thank Beatrice a friend of Lee’s. She actually worked at the NY bar for one month a long time ago. She is from Germany and has hooked Lee up with family members and made sure he knows all the hot spots and is never alone. Thank you Beatrice for taking care of my little boy. It’s so hard when they leave the nest. I have to commend Lee. I send him to a million different places and he is so good at networking, that he will have a circle of friends created before he even gets there. Good Luck Lee.
I’ve been keeping a low profile this week. I’m off to Vegas tomorrow. I just couldn’t go to Daytona this year. I’m still tired from mardi gras. Kevin is returning from minnesota today. That project seems to be going well. New guy is in Ft. Lauderdale scouting for me today. Beautiful day in New Orleans so I think I will grab the kid and go outside.

posted by Liliana @ 12:11 PM

Friday, March 05, 2004

So yesterday I bitched and now I feel like a schmuck. (I’m such a New Yorker). Aaron and his girlfriend came over for dinner last night. He brought me a lot of mail that had been sitting at the New orleans bar for me. I received 3 disks worth of pictures of the New Orleans and new york bar and one guy sent me a bunch of pictures in a photo album. The “spirit of giving “. I’m a new person now. Thanks for the pictures and the new lease on life. Peace and love for everyone. Let’s see if how long that lasts. So for a brief second I thought of giving up drinking for lent. Not that I’m religious but I thought I should do something. Well don’t worry people, I have realized that it would be a very poor business decision for me. I can’t turn down drinks in my own bar. Now that is sacriligious!! Now most of you think I am drinking everyday, but contrary to popular belief, I probably drink once a week. I’m a full time mom and that’s not cool. But sometimes that one day is a doozy. Now there are a few other things I can give up 1. shopping 2. working so hard. Well since I’m not that religious giving these up seems foolish. So I decided to buy my way into heaven. I’m not giving anything up, I’m just going to give extra to charity. I guess I could give up cursing. Fuck that!

So the New Orleans girls are irate over not being allowed to eat on their shifts. You know what girls. Let me explain to you that I have bartended since I was 17 years old. That means about 1 million years ago. These rules are rules in just about every bar in america. Eating behing the bar looks ugly and takes time away from serving the customers. See the way you do this is you eat dinner right before your shift. Wow , my IQ is so high to figure that out! Well Aaron pleaded your case last night. So I gave in because god knows I wouldn’t want any of my girls to be upset. So listen up my little princesses. The day girls can bring in lunch and eat it before 4 pm. And the night girls can bring in a power bar and eat it quickly outside of the view of customers. “Jacqui, if you are reading this. I will understand your disgust.” In the immortal words of Jesus (since it is lent) “They know not what they do.”

posted by Liliana @ 11:08 AM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

” Lil you should do this. Lil you should do that.” Let me give an example of crap that people say. In New Orleans we are required by the Veuix Carre commision ( local historic organization) to have a sign that is a certain size. It can not be any bigger. I think I hear at least 2 times week that I should have a bigger sign. In NY the regulars think they own the place they actually tell the girls that they should do more of this or act more like someone else. It can get very annoying. As regards to the girls, I don’t want them all to be the same that would be boring. Are some girls better then others? Abso- fucking-lutely, but the really good ones are hard to find. And the new ones just need a little time to grow. The funny comments are ” Lil you should really fix the floor in NY.” That makes me laugh because I just spent $19,000 fixing the fucking floor and it still looks like shit. Everyone knows that NY is my favorite of all the bars. It’s my first one and it will always be special, but let me tell you every fucking day something goes wrong there. Pipes bursting, landlord bitching, bar collapsing. Well people to really fix up that bar would cost a shit load of money and I say fuck it. Plus I don’t want to do anything that helps the landlord. Making it nicer will just give him encouragement to get me out and get someone else in. Although nobody is quite as stupid as me paying that fucking ridiculous high rent. He knows I don’t want to relocate the bar so he has me over a barrel. Well I can bitch about this all day. I got 2 letters today one letter saying how great the Austin bar is and one letter saying it sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one guy said that they can never get his drink right. What the fuck is he ordering? There are quite a few very accomplished bartenders there. He’s just bitching just to bitch. My advice to him: Order a beer and a shot ( Crown straight up), Drink it , then sit down shut the fuck up and have some fun.
I was just in Austin the other night. The girls did a very good job. Parker making a come back. Good for you Parker!! Tiffany trying hard. And JJ is my diamond in the rough. She is hot, a good bartender, and hilarious. Some of the other girls came in to visit, Gloria, Katie, Strong Island. A lot of good people there. I feel bad I did not recognize some of the bouncers. Sorry guys. But I have to say New Orleans guys watch out the Austin guys are pretty good. But it could be that the TABC and the fire marshall come in every night. You know what I say ” Bring it ON!!!” Marshall’s all over it. This is our business and we run a very tight ship. Now on the other side of that, I was there when the fire marshall came in the other night. Some very good looking officers. Girls make sure you get them to come in on their off time. Very cute!

posted by Liliana @ 1:12 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Last night a good soul left this earth. Henri a long time bouncer from New Orleans died last night. A sweet kindperson. There are no words to describe the pain I know his friends and family are feeling. Our little bar just lost a brother. I mean this with all of my heart ” Henri , rest in peace.”

posted by Liliana @ 2:48 PM

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

So I’m about to hire a new guy, on the corporate level, to do some big scale marketing. This guy is unbelievably smart and very hardworking. But my god, he never laughs and even calls my lawyer , Jeff, Mr. Wiseman. Kevin and Lee are a bit jealous because I speak so highly of this guy. It really is kind of refreshing to call someone about business and just talk business. No lip like I get from the other guys. Well I have been dealing with this guy for a few months and we have been working on a project that involves the WWE. So yesterday he calls me and tells me that to get this certain wrestler into the NY bar not only do I have to pay him a large fee but I have to fly him and his girlfriend in first class. Of course , I was outraged by the cost so I gave an alternate solution. ” Look tell this guy to leave his girlfriend at home. I’ll fly him out first class and if we hit a certain number at the bar I’ll have sex with him.” After months of working with this guy, I finally heard him laugh. This better not have opened up the floodgates. I hope he doesn’t start calling me in the middle of the night with all his girl problems like Kevin and Lee.
On another note Jeff confessed to me the otherday, that he is just like houseboy. He cleans as therapy. Kevin is definitely getting nervous about our Dubai trip. I said ” what are you worried about? I’m the one who will have to wear a long sleeved dress and cover my head and face. ” Actually Dubai is supposed to be very cosmopolitan. Let’s see. Maybe I’m getting alittle nervous too. Well today I’m off to Austin. Marshall is going a little nuts. He has been putting in 70 hour weeks at the bar. Yesterday he told me that some customer was bitching and whining about his mother. Normally a manager will lend a sympathetic ear or just strategically walk away. No Marshall said to this guy ” for $5,000 you can have her wacked.” Nice job Marshall!!

posted by Liliana @ 6:04 AM

Monday, March 01, 2004

So I just got an e-mail from someone who has opened a Coyote Ugly in another part of the world. Not only does he have the nerve to contact me but he wants me to review his website. My god, that is like pins under my finger nails. Why not come over here hire my best girls, steal Jacqui’s choreographed dances, and then have a child and name him Jackson. That would just make my fucking day!!! How about you fly me over and I’ll bartend for you since in essence all my work is making you money anyway. Oh I would love to help you. Perhaps you need a bone marrow transplant and low and behold I am the only match donor. All I can say ” Cold Day in Hell”
Austin girls, I will be in the bar on Tuesday night. Be there so I can impart all my wisedom onto you. I’m going to be spending some time with Marshall and the new assistant manager Michelle. Austin Sunday night girls ” You rock”. Esther I am so proud that you stuck with Coyote. See you guys tommorow. KJ from Tampa just e-mailed me, the Tampa bar is doing great. I am very happy about that!!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:35 AM

Saturday, February 28, 2004

Lee is in Atlantic City right now checking out a few spaces. When he goes away he is required to keep a diary log so that I can check his thoughts on the locations he has seen and revert back if I need to. He wrote the funniest diary entry yesterday. Here are bits and pieces of it. ( He is at the HIP Club in A.C)

“To understand these bartenders let me paint a picture…

Imagine, if you will, a new bartender who is partially blind and addicted to valium. Then imagine a person who was born WITHOUT the gene that is responsible for creating a sense of urgency. Then, imagine the bar was flooded with the thickest molasses ever created, and imagine it KNEE HIGH. Ok…so 15 mins later when I finally got my $6 bottle of beer, I started to check out there go-go dancers.

There were 2 dancing on the bar and another on a box. Now imagine Esther from Austin. Now take away her stunning good looks, her long torso, her hight, and her dancing abilities (ahem..), and make her 5’5″ add 40 pounds, put them in boy shorts and middrift tops and you may have a VAGUE concept of how bad they sucked. They also were pretty rude to people trying to order a drink at the bar. Their BEST dancer had good abs, was black, long hair in braids and NO SHIRT…cause it was a GUY! How pathetic is that?! The second string of go-go dancers were actually pretty hot but see previous description for dancing abilities.

So I spent $16. Once when I was about 10 these high school kids conned me out of $16 for a comic book that was not real and then kicked me SQUARE in my BALLS….that was better spent then my night here in Atlantic City. “

Thank you Lee, you made my day with your funny notes. Keep up the good work.

posted by Liliana @ 12:01 PM

Friday, February 27, 2004

First I will tell a funny story then I will bitch about having a bad day. So Aaron takes the Austin girls and Tara out on the town Wed. night. This was a kind of thank you for flying in to help for Mardi Gras. Well of course you can’t go to New Orleans without going to a strip club!! So they go to the Gold Club, I think it was amateur night or something. Well some stripper comes out in a girl scout uniform and starts throwing girl scout cookies to the crowd. Well Emmy (Austin Coyote) screams out that she wants a cookie. The stripper parks herself in front of Emmy puts whip cream on her crotch (supposedly she still had a thong on) then sticks a cookie on top. She then pushes Emmy’s face in her crotch and Emmy has to eat the cookie. I would of loved to see Emmy’s face covered with whip cream after eating that girls crotch. Puts a whole new taste on the girl scout cookie.

So for the last month we have been filming an episode of “Faking It” at the New Orleans bar. So the producers of this show brought a shy librarian in from Texas. She lived with Chantel for a month. And was trained by both Chantel and Tara to be a Coyote. Today was the last episode. They brought in 3 judges and pit the librarian (Hailey) against 3 of my girls. The judges have to pick the faker. Oh my god, I got down there and all my girls were in an uproar. One of the judges is the GM of the Atlanta bar and I guess she said a few things that are directly against my rules. I guess the first thing she said was that she doesn’t encourage the Coyotes to wear skirts but if they do it is mandatory to wear biker shorts underneath. Well I love when the girls wear skirts and I tell them to wear bloomers etc (just not thongs). Secondly, the faker (Hailey) gave a speech about how empowering it is as a woman to be a Coyote. Well the GM of Atlanta said that that was Bullshit. I am very disturbed about that. I specifically tell the girls they are powerful, sexy women. Being a Coyote is about being strong and they should feel empowered as women. OK all of that being said, what disturbed me is how upset my girls were over this. “To all of my girls!! The girls I have trained, the girls that work in my Coyotes. You guys will always have an edge. You guess are being trained by the original Coyote ME!!!” But on the other hand cut this woman some slack, I have never trained her. She has never even been to one of the bars I run. Tonight I will spend some time talking to her. This is why I don’t want to franchise anymore, things get distorted. I really like the Atlanta bar. The girls are great. So a note to my girls cut them some slack.
Hailey made me a piece of jewelry. Thank you.

Well on a good note Minnesota and San Antonio are moving forward so we’ll be rocking in those places soon. Australia, I’m coming to check out a few places. A lot of infringers in Australia. This should be fun showing them how it’s really done.

posted by Liliana @ 7:16 PM

Wednesday, February 25, 2004

I am bone tired. I love you guys ( New Orleans crew) but I think I need to conveniently be away next Mardi Gras.

OK some guy bought a body shot off of me for $200. Well he was very persistent about having someone take a picture of him while he got this body shot. Well, I had one of the girls use my camera and took the picture. About 10 minutes go by and he say to me ” Lil, where is my picture?’ So I tell him that I will e-mail it to him. ” I want the picture now!” Too bad, I’m not giving you my memory card and losing all my pictures. Well this went on for about 10 minutes. What I really think is the poor guy started freaking that he just paid $200 for a bodyshot and his wife was going to get the credit card bill. Well, houseboy was there and decides to get involved. That shit drives me crazy but let me go on with the story. Houseboy is a very goodlooking, 6ft 5in black man. He is well aware that people may be scared of him. So he puts his arm around this guy and starts giving a speech about how I am his friend, blah,bah blah. ” See this woman? This is my friend Lil. When people upset my friends that upsets me. ” ( of course this whole time the guy is shitting a brick. He’s got this huge black man talking down to him.) ” We all came here to have a good time at my friend Lil’s place. My tab is at least $200 everytime I come in here. Do you understand that I’m upset if my friend is upset?” This went on. Well the guy naturally calmed down. And unfortunately for houseboy, he hung around him for the rest of the night. By the way houseboy would like me to clarify that he didn’t say he would be my houseboy, but he loves cooking and cleaning. Hence he would be anyone’s houseboy if they would let him clean there house. I think he might have OCD. Regardless of all that. Thanks Houseboy!
Kevin is pissed because Lee is spending the next month in Germany and Amsterdam. ( Lee have a great time. Find us something great. I’m so excited for you going to Europe for the first time. I’m going to miss you.) Well Kevin wouldn’t be so upset if I didn’t ask him to accompany me to Dubai for a business meeting. Kevin then asks me ” where is Dubai?” When I told him it was the middle east, he definitely was less than pleased. ” Lee gets to go to Europe, I’m going to the middle east.” Truth be told I have heard that Dubai is wonderful.
I have tons of stories and very little time so I will catch up later this week.
I would like to send my heartfelt wishes to Redneck Lou from NY. His mom died yesterday and I hope he is alright. I love you Lou!!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:18 AM

Tuesday, February 24, 2004

I am so proud of everyone. The girls, the barbacks, the bouncers, the beertub girls and the merch girls. By this time last year the girls were falling apart. Today the girls were still on their game. It’s funny, pre mardi Gras I asked Aaron and Chantel if they needed my help. Oh No, we have everything covered. Well for someone who was supposed to be on the sidelines, I ‘m putting in 8-10 hour days at the bar just making drinks. It is so endearing to me to see how much Aaron and Chantel love that bar. I love them for that! Next year we definitely need a third manager, this is too much work for just 2 people. But they are doing a great job.
Nothing ever goes smoothly, today we had our second glitch. First being losing a bartender to Willis from Different Strokes. So today Nina is holding a Southern Comfort bottle. She moves her arm and however destiny is made , that bottle hit Angel square in the nose. Well at first we just thought it was a bad hit nothing major. Well by the end of her shift(8pm) Angel’s eyes were turning black and blue and her nose was swollen. So she and I start toward the local hospital. During mardi gras there is horrific traffic, so I take the back way. We are 3 blocks away from the hospital when someone rear ends me. Did I ever mention in my Lil Spill how much I love my car, 2003 Range Rover ( Arcadia blue). Well I get out of my beautiful brand new ( 6 months old) Range Rover and I go look at the back. It’s a miracle of GOD not one scratch!!! I love that car. Do you know that this is the first new car I have ever owned. The woman who hit me was definitely shaken up. She had a PT cruiser. I would say that she definitely did not come out of that accident as lucky as me.
Angel is pretty diehard. Right now it is midnight, she is just getting out of the hospital and she is scheduled to work in 4 hours for the 4am – noon shift. ” Lil all I need is a shower and some Red Bull and I’m good to go.” There is absolutely noone to releave her so all I can say is: good luck Angel and make a lot of money!!!

Jacqui and I going for a test drive

posted by Liliana @ 12:44 AM

Monday, February 23, 2004

So I was only at the bar for 11 hours yesterday and I am the most rested person of everyone.. I’m too old for this shit. The girls are doing so great. I am so proud of them. Char told me yesterday that she aches from head to toe. But she still has to look forward to 8 hours on ( working ) and then 8 hours off ( sleeping) for the next 3 days. Do you know how grueling that is on your body. Shannon the head of security and I were salivating watching these 3 guys eating whom were parked in the parking lot across the street. They had a beatup van. They opened the back of the van had coolers of beer and a barbeque going. Shannon was getting so riled up ( after working 16 hours straight) ” Lil I would kill for one of their hamburgers.” So being the nice boss I went across the street had a beer and ate a hamburger. Don’t worry I brought one back for Shannon. What you can get with a little sweet talk and a nice set of tits.
The managers are working 16 hour shifts each. I have been going in to try and give them time off. Aaron definitely looked frazzeled last night. He told me he hadn’t had more than 3 hours of sleep each day for 4 nights. Chantel was so tired a guy ordered 2 drinks totaling $8. She could not even add it in her head. Again I want to say how proud I am of all the girls. They are working their asses off.
Now I have been told that I need to remark on Lee’s new “help the company” mentality. He called me yesterday and told me that he had not payperviewed a movie while he was scouting Kansas City. Also to save the company money he took a non direct flight that had 3 layovers.. Again I am so proud.
Even ” house boy” seems to think he deserves some homage on the Lil Spill. Oh ” houseboy” I hope you become a man some day.

posted by Liliana @ 12:21 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2004

This is the surreal coversation between Aaron and I today. Now let me remind you that Mardi Gras started yesterday and we are open 24 hours a day in New Orleans.
Aaron: “Lil, Brandi didn’t show up for her shift today.”
Lil: “Did she call? What happened?”
Aaron: “She went out with Todd Bridges last night and that’s the last I heard.”
Lil: “You mean Willis from Different Strokes.”
Aaron: “Yes, he’s become a regular.”
Lil: ” So let me get this straight. Brandi went out with Willis last night, got fucked up, and didn’t make her shift?”
Aaron: “Yup.”
Lil: “She just lost her job over Todd Bridges. I hope he makes a lot of royalties off that show.”

For god sakes didn’t he steal a car or something? Chantel goes to me this afternoon, “Lil , I can’t believe she fell for him, Gary Coleman made that show!”

posted by Liliana @ 7:56 PM

Craziness last night. Char (NY coyote) and I went on the Budweiser (Clydesdale horses) wagon. So the whole object of this is to throw beads into the crowd. Oh my god there were a million people begging for beads. I can only explain how insane these people are by comparing the scene to the scenes you see on TV. You know how you watch the Discovery Channel and you see all the children and starving people begging for food in Ethiopia? I swear these people have the same look on their faces. Char was screaming out, “What the hell is wrong with you people. It’s only beads.” Well once you get over that, then you start wailing these beads out in the crowd. Char and I nailed a few people. Then you actually start picking and choosing who you will throw beads to. Char picked old people and fat people. She also got a lot of girls to flash us. Well I picked children and fat people. I can’t explain it but I started to get very aggressive with people. People would be in chairs waving to get beads. I would say, “Get off your fat ass if you want some beads. Show some hussle!” I loved the fat people. My god they would run after the beads like it was their last meal. (I have nothing against fat people, it’s just part of the story.). The little kids were great , but they couldn’t catch so the older people would steal the beads from them. At first I would yell at the adults whom were stealing the beads. But then I started yelling at the kids, “Pay attention. Put your arms out and catch!” Char said, “I hope you put in the Lil Spill how funny you are screaming at these people.” It was a lot of fun. Thanks, Bud!!

posted by Liliana @ 9:51 AM

Friday, February 20, 2004

I am laughing so hard!! Lee has been pissing me off because he is trying to get out of traveling. Well he is one of the location scouts, hence he has to travel. Last week he was in Denver. Well after his trip he said to me, I think you are just punishing me by sending me places. Well this week he is in Kansas City. The location that he is scouting is pretty out in the boondocks. The developers are trying to get us in there. There are 3 things around the space that people go to; 1. Furniture Mart , this huge furniture store 2. The Travel Lodge ( ?) A lodge that has a lot of water stuff for kids, 3. And a Hunting and Trapping Museum, 2nd largest taxidermy collection in the states. Well I get a call from Lee yesterday, ” Lil, why is it always me?” So I told him he had to get a picture of himself by one of the taxidermy exhibits. I am going to try and post the picture [click here to see], It is fucking hysterical. By the way don’t feel sorry for Lee, he is going to Germany and Amsterdam next.
So tonight I am actually riding on a float. I can’t wait to throw those beads. Finally I will get to know the other side.

posted by Liliana @ 3:35 PM

Thursday, February 19, 2004

Don’t you worry, I know the secret to getting beads at the parades. Jackson and I got so close that when the people looked right at him they would just hand us beads. The trick is making sure your kid looks like he’s never gotten a Christmas present in his life.
Today, as per usual I was late opening the bar. The girls know the drill. They knock on the door and then I hand them $20 to get Starbucks so I can finish up. I had a meeting today with 2 Italians. I love Italians. It was a father and his daughter. They want me to be the Key note speaker at a Bar/restaurant convention in Italy. He said to me , I think your speech should be about 40 minutes long. 40 minutes, who the hell wants to listen to me for 40 minutes? I figure I’ll have to bring some of the girls, create a video presentation and actually dance. Because I would have to tell the history of the bars and my fucked up childhood to fill 40 minutes.( that really is about 15 minutes) Oh I will have to have a few cocktails for this.

posted by Liliana @ 8:08 PM

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Tony, Jackson’s dad, took him to another parade last night. Well Jackson had at least 50 strands of beads around his neck when he got home. Tony is possibly the only person I know who is more competitive than me. I was invited to watch a parade with jackson tonight, so I need to pump myself up. I’m petite so it’s hard for me to hold Jackson and jump for the beads. Tony said he would hold jackson up so people would see him . People would automatically want to throw the beads to the cute little boy. Well Jackson is about 40 lbs so that’s going to be hard for me to hold him up and be cutthroat catching these beads. I need to borrow a small infant.
A NY regular asked me recently ” If I buy the bartender a drink during Happy Hour does she get 2for 1?” The answer is no. But good try! He also asked why we don’t allow Freebird to play in the jukebox? The answer: It’s an 11 minute anthem. So I call Jacqui and I asked her to take Freebird off permenantly. her response ” Lil I did. I just replaced it with Stairway to Heaven.” I wasn’t too happy about that but then jacqui said to me. ” You know when you just need to do something funny for yourself. That’s why I put on Stairway to Heaven.” I understood exactly what she was saying because I put on the Bay City Rollers , for exactly that same reason.

posted by Liliana @ 4:09 AM

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Quickly, because I keep on forgetting to write about it. Robin on the “Real World”. Well let me qualify that I have never seen any of the episodes. My god Robin, you have really dug yourself a nice hole. The funny letters I get are about how annoying she is because she says ” Right On” all the time. Someone actually suggested that we create a drinking promotion at the bars . This is how it would work: Everyone has to buy a shot everytime Robin says ” Right On”. Pretty funny I think. We won’t write about the other letters because they are far from complimentary. Look people, I personally hired Robin. She was sweet, funny, and sexy. About some of the crap she says on the show, she’s going to have to live with that. I hope some of the things I’ve heard aren’t true. Let’s move on.
The fighting between Lee and I still continues. I swear it’s like an episode of Jerry Springer. You know what I would love ( now I have never seen the show, I don’t watch much TV) Have me and Lee go on the Donald Trump show “Entrepeneur”. And pit us against each other. Let’s see who sells the most lemonaid?

posted by Liliana @ 11:37 AM

Parker in Austin. I just got a very nasty letter concerning your ” salesmanship” or lack there of. You just lost 3 customers. Why? Because they ordered a fucking woo woo. Look you don’t have to make the woo woo. In fact you aren’t supposed to. But with your charm and quick wit you should be convincing them to drink something else. Women need to be treated with a bit more finesse. Why you ask? Because I fucking said so. Use your brain. Coyote Ugly employs smart, sexy, tough, and funny women. The letter sent to me just plainly states that you were very mean. Well mean doesn’t translate into sexy and tough. It just means mean. It’s all about sales. ” Well Lil I’ve seen you be mean.” When I’m mean or tough it’s to customers I know can take it. I know that they know the drill and that will help sales. But I also have a kind, nice side ( Lee don’t laugh) and if I see a few women that are a little meek, I will reel them in slowly and gently. Read your customers!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:02 AM

Monday, February 16, 2004

New Orleans girls! I’ve gotten very good reports about you guys from Aaron and Chantel. Excellent. Keep up the good work.
So for those of you who have never been to New Orleans for Mardi Gras let me explain how it works. Mardi Gras is actually the last day before lent ( catholic ordinance). Lent of course being when people give up things, like Alchohol etc. ( So why not drink as much as you can before lent, which is 40 days long) What the people down here do is they have a series of parades that start about a month before and become more frequent as the clock tics toward Mardi Gras day. These parades have floats and have different themes. People whom are on these floats throw beads into the crowd and everyone rallies to catch the beads.
So I bring my son yesterday to one of the parades. The people were so cut throat around us, that they would put their hands in front of our faces to make sure they caught these beads. Well after a half an hour of this, I had had enough. I put Jackson down and told him to make sure he stayed right by mommy. I said ” Jackson, mommy needs to become a little more aggressive so I can get you a string of beads.” So I wait until a strand comes near me and I grab it. So I caught one end and this woman caught the other. I lean close to her and I say ” Let go of the fucking beads, they are for my son!” Jackson was esctatic that he got some beads. The funny part was the woman actually gave us one more strand. We left right after that feeling quite victorious!! I have no idea why people collect these, but I am ready. If my son wants beads, he’ll get beads!!! God Damn it!!

posted by Liliana @ 5:33 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2004

So I have been catching up with my e-mails when low and behold a nasty letter. Someone wanted me to know how rude I was about mentioning negative things about the Dallas bar. Look buddy!! I mention things about all the bars, including my own. Sometimes good sometimes bad. It’s up to the management and the girls to adjust themselves after reading them. Grow up. I like a lot of the Dallas girls. And when I have a chance I am going to go and talk to them face to face.
So some guy just e-mailed me saying he is so happy to have opened his own Coyote ugly in Beirut. ” You are infringing on my trademark!!” “Jeff I hope we are tradmarked there.” Not that I don’t think Beirut is a very nice place, but I think I will pass on visiting right now. I think I just got my trademark rights in Romania and Ch…something. Lee is starting to not like traveling so much. “Well Lee how about we send you to Beirut to check on this infringer? “

posted by Liliana @ 6:10 PM

Saturday, February 14, 2004

I haven’t been to DC since I was nineteen. So about 100 years ago. So I went to the opening of Coyote on Thursday night. Jason the bouncer from the Vegas bar was out front, freezing his ass off. DC girls come down and see him before he goes back to Vegas. Let’s just say that he is “easy on the eyes” That just reminds me that Thursady night some guy came over to introduce himself and that was his opening line, ” Hey Lil I didn’t expect you to be so easy on the eyes.” What did he expect ? I usually get the same line, ” I didn’t realize you were so young and you are not blond like Maria Bello in the movie.”
A few of the Vegas girls were there; Kristy, Farrah, and Jennifer ( I think that’s it.) Kristy was hauling ass behind the bar most of the night. They have some really cute girls here. There was a girl, now don’t be pissed if I don’t get this right, her name was Hung Li. She was great. I told her to be more aggressive at the merch sales and she definitely started getting into the swing of things.
So I was invited to an employee meeting that they were having on Friday. It’s actually interesting, remember they are a licensed bar and they never seem to give a shit about my imput. But they were very nice and included me. So I went to their employee meeting. Some things that they were saying were right on the money. But there were a few things that are exactly opposite of what I tell my girls. I spoke with one of their girls Rosie. She’s got quite a bit of spunk. ” Rosie I hope you do very well at Coyote. Good luck. “
So last night I went to Georgetown. I was meeting with the owner of The Rhino. Cute place. They were rocking by the time I left. Very, very cute manager Dave. I’d do him in a pinch.
I went to the Holocaust Museum. It took me 4 hours to walk through it and I think I cried for the last hour. It was definitely a very moving experience. Today I am going to the Spy museum. By the way I am so fucking tired. I can’t wait to get home. Just in time for Mardi Gras. Aaron and Chantel, I feel for you. Good luck. By the way. Thanks Greg for the present!

posted by Liliana @ 11:51 AM

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Tonight was the 2 year anniversary party for the New Orleans bar. I can’t believe how sober I am. Brandi one of the new girls said something so nice to me. Let me preface this by saying that Brandi is already an accomplished bartender. She’s had a hard life but she’s hanging in. She came up to me tonight and thanked me. She said that she knew she was a good bartender. But when she started at Coyote that made her not only a good bartender but a better woman and person. Thanks Brandi. You just made my day. I’m not even PMS, but it was the inflection in her voice and the delivery that made me take notice. She made me feel, tonight, that maybe all of the work, long hours, the people hating me ; all of it, was worth it.
I’m obviously overtired because I feel like crying. So let’s move on to stupid men. There is this guy who I have met several times. He came to the anniversary party tonight. Well he keep on saying to me how he would love for us to go out and don’t worry he has no problem being a house boy. At what point is that attractive? I don’t want a house boy. I want a man.

posted by Liliana @ 2:19 AM

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Big employee meeting in New Orleans yesterday. It really is surreal when I think about the content of these meetings. ” Well Becca, you need to squirt the soda gun directly at someone’s chest versus spraying the whole crowd, but remember only if they want that.” ” Well Andrea, when you are whipping someone please refrain from whipping them so hard that it leaves welts.” Aaron’s message to the girls was ” I don’t care if your father didn’t hug you as a child, don’t abuse my customers.”
We have a meeting every year right before Mardi Gras. Chantel and Aaron spent 2 weeks creating a schedule that would accomodate 90 bartending shifts in 5 days. We are open 24 hours a day for 5 straight days. We have made the second floor a dormitory so that the girls and the bouncers can sleep there before their next shift. It is craziness. Char from Ny is coming and I am also bringing 2 new girls from Austin. Aaron told me the schedule for one of the Austin girls. He said ” oh she will have a very easy week” Well I looked at her schedule. One day she works the 8pm- 4am shift she gets to sleep for a few hours to wake up and work the noon- 8 pm shift and then she sleeps a few hours to work the 4am- noon shift. Real easy. Veronica is coming back to help out during Mardi Gras. Very exciting people. She has the trashiest mouth ever. I have a feeling she can back those words up in bed. But I will ask one her ex’s. She claims there are very few people in New orleans she hasn’t been with. So I’ll just walk outside and ask the next man I see. I miss Veronica, it is going to be so nice to have her back!!
I’m off to the opening of th DC bar. This bar is a licensees bar. Unfortunately we do not have the best relationship. ” Lil it was a clerical error. That’s why you weren’t on the guest list.” DC girls, good luck. I wish you the best and I hope the bar rocks!!

posted by Liliana @ 1:38 PM

Monday, February 09, 2004

“Lil, i was writing you cause of one of your bouncer in new olreans,i didn’t want to go to the hotel to get cigarettes  and i wasn’t payin 6 bucks and i told Keri and he was so cool he took his own money ran to the corner store and got me cigarettes.and  he didn’t want me to pay him back .know body ever been that nice to me and i tryed to show him my tits and he said no.any way i wanted to say you have the best bouncers.and i love keri       …i love your new orleans coyote..         love ya..friends”

This was a recent letter I received about the New Orleans bouncers. I’m sure Kerri made sure his position was covered by another bouncer because if it wasn’t I will be less than thrilled. How very nice of him getting you cigarettes and not even looking at your tits for compensation. Well I commend you Kerri, nice job.
Quote of the week from Vance, bouncer Austin. The scenario was that a female customer was on the bar and a man was trying to touch her. Vance told the man he couldn’t do that. The man said it was cool because it was his girlfriend. Vance said ” That’s cool but when she’s up there, she’s my little sister. So HANDS OFF! “

posted by Liliana @ 12:07 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004

No disrespect to handicapped people, but someone with cerebral palsy could do Devil better than Nina in New Orleans. This girl is a 5 ‘ 10 ” beautiful girl . But man it is like a dance contest during the special olympics when she does Devil went Down to georgia.
I just found out that one of my new New Orleans girls ( Staci ) is also a mud wrestler. When I was in college I did jello wrestling. Myself and three of my friends went against my then boyfriend ( Mark). He was 6′ 2″. Lean, mean, fighting machine. I’ll never forget slipping and then him grabbing my head and just shoveling jello in my face. Thank god it was raspberry, that would of really sucked if it was lime. Afterwards you were moved to a back room and hosed down with a firehose. My skin was red for three days. Oh memories!!

posted by Liliana @ 1:08 PM

Saturday, February 07, 2004

I’m not supposed to say this but I fucking hate people who steal. This is a cash business and you expect that you will catch a few people stealing. What upsets me is the people whom have worked for you for so long. At my bars, when you have been there for a few months and have proven your worth you are treated like family. The girls hang out. Management hangs out. We help the girls when they are in trouble.
It really hurts personally when you find out someone is stealing and you have known them for a long time . And you have let them into your family. I’m so disappointed.

posted by Liliana @ 2:31 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004

We will start with the bad:
Dallas: My assistant manager from New Orleans was there on Sunday night and she did not have one good thing to say about you guys. ” I don’t care if there are 100 people or 4 people. get on the fucking bar, entertain those fucking 4 people and make sure everybody is served.” Every one of these Coyotes is a locals bar from Sun- Wed. What that means is you have to put energy into building your shift. Sunday night can be just as busy as Wednesday night with the right girls and the right energy. I could go on but it pisses me off too much. Expect a visit from me in the next 2 months. Sandy start being a proactive manager.
New Orleans: One of my own bars. I spent a few hours there yesterday. Ginger has worked for the bar for 2 years, she was working the day shift yesterday. At 4pm there were about 25 people there. If you are too tired to work, maybe you should go to the doctor. When the doctor sends me a note saying that you suffer from a desease that makes you too exhausted to do body shots and get on the bar, well I will give you time off until you fight this dibilitating desease. And you can come back to work refreshed and ready to make some money. Why is the concept, that if you try harder to solicit more business both the bar and the girl will benefit , so hard. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to understand that this is a tip driven business and the more money the bar makes the more money you’ll make. That’s just plain statistics.
Now the good
Austin: I’m really proud of you girls. Marshsall told me that Esther was a star on Sunday night. I told you Esther that there was a lot to do other than the choreographed dances and that you could excell. I’m beaming I’m so proud.
Note ( Joyce) Unless you are in the fucking hospital or you are about to hang yourself off the nearest beam DO NOT CALL ME AT 4 AM. Any girls who know me , know that if they have a problem they can talk to me. But I am the president of this company and the perk to being president is that I get to go to sleep early, if I chose. Don’t pull that shit again unless it’s an emergency.

posted by Liliana @ 11:50 AM

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

It’s funny reading everyone’s expense reports. When I send Kevin anywhere he books himself at a Motel 6, eats at diners, and is always worried about saving the company money. I love him for that.
Now when I send Lee, he has to stay at a place that has cable modem for his computer, he eats calamari everyday ( I mean everyday) and has a propensity for jelly donuts. And payperviews a movie everyday ( I mean everyday).
Jacqui will be at one of these cities for 6 days. Her food reimbursements will be $10 and it will only be Starbucks receipts. ( Jeff and I always laugh at that ) Jeff is like ” how does she survive on just coffee all week?” It’s a mystery!
My expense reports are a lot different. Tickets to the children’s museum for my son. Kinko’s everyday to get my e-mail. ( I need a new laptop) And the big dinners. I’m the one whom takes everyone out. So I have the $400 dinner receipts. This particular trip I handed Kevin most of my receipts in a paper bag. He said ” Jesus Lil, this is going to take me forever to sort out.” Well Kevin , if i was organized perhaps your job would get a lot smaller. I love you Kevin.

posted by Liliana @ 2:07 PM

Monday, February 02, 2004

I don’t know if I mentioned this but at the Austin Girl Search we raised enough money for 8800 meals. We chose Austin Capital Food Bank as our local charity. I’m really proud of that.
OK quote of last week provided by Marshall ” I’m more dead than alive” . Opening a bar is not easy. The whole group had been putting in 16 hour days. Marshall and Kevin definitely logging in the most. I’m so tired I feel like I have lost some of my motor skills. We changed things up a bit and put in Kevin’s operating systems. Well, my system means everyone is out within an hour. Using Kevin’s system , Marshall and the girls have been stuck there for 2 – 3 hours after closing. “Kevin, I’m giving you 2 weeks to get this system working within that hour perameter. We are all fucking tired. Make it work.”
I’m back in New Orleans . Do you know who I get the most compliments about? I receive thousands of e-mails and calls every week. Without question I get more compliments about the New Orleans security staff than any girl in any of the bars. My bouncers in New Orleans rock. Good job. To my NY guys, I love you, I just think people are impressed by the fact that the New Orleans guys can do all the choreographed dances. Austin guys, you’ve got a hard act to follow.

posted by Liliana @ 11:46 AM

Saturday, January 31, 2004

Tonight we are opening the outside bar in Austin. If I have to fucking cocktail waitress myself, I will make sure people get their drinks. I think Kevin, Marshall, Lee and myself have had a combined total of 6 hours sleep in the last three days. These girls are all over my guys. Everyone of my guys has told me that different girls have been hitting on them hard. ” Girls, if I find out that one of my guys is sleeping with you, he’ll be fired. Back the fuck off and let them do their jobs. My god use that energy to make some fucking money.
Back to New Orleans tomorrow. I can’t wait to sleep in my own bed. This has been a long fucking 16 days. I will say that the Austin bar looks great. The girls are really trying. We are just working out the kinks.
I’m definitely not ready for Mardi Gras. Also, I would like to place a complaint about the Starbucks ( corner 6th St. and Congress in Austin) I love Starbucks, but that Starbucks has the worst service ever. Buck up people! I need my Caramel Macchiato, Pronto!!

posted by Liliana @ 3:59 PM

Friday, January 30, 2004

Blaine, thank you so much for the $170 vibrator. I haven’t seen this thing yet but I’m assuming for this kind of money it provides the best vibrations and also a virtual reality experience. Maybe I can program it to emulate sex with Matthew McConaughey.

Now I received several letters from, I’m guessing, someone I cut at the girl search last week. “Your bar rocks But I hope you die a terrible death.” Pretty nice huh!! What the fuck kind of loser wishes someone’s death because they just didn’t get a job. Get the fuck over it.

posted by Liliana @ 4:01 PM

Thursday, January 29, 2004

Not bad. Last night went very well. I should get stock in the Crown Royal company. Between drinking it myself and making other people drink it, I must be increasing the product sales for the company expedentially. It’s hard being me. I have a lot of potential investors whom come to these events, so I have to schmooz them. But yet I must drink with all the customers. Who the hell knows what I’m saying to these people after 10 shots of Crown. They seem to be impressed, I guess they must be drinking just as much as me. It’s tradition for me to drink at the opening of these bars. Jacqui called me up this morning and said she had to take a shower because she couldn’t stand smelling herself. I feel your pain Jacqui. Jeff, the company lawyer came down and just for fun set up a full day of meetings today. This is when I wish I was 20 again. Quicker recovery time. But the perk today was everyone who met me today was also hungover from last night. I must be doing something right.

posted by Liliana @ 5:03 PM

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

Big night tonight. We didn’t get our fucking liquor license so we have to use a catering license thanks to the Dallas bar. ” Thanks Guys” This is priceless. Two days ago I was told that the reason we hadn’t been approved yet for our liquor license was because I was from New Orleans. What the fuck! Well they claim there is a lot of organized crime in New Orleans. ” The license application has been with them for 4 months, at what point did you come up with that excuse. ” Check me out, I don’t give a shit.” The only shit you are going to find on me is that every one of my credit cards is maxed out. I didn’t buy Christmas gifts for the mob, so I really don’t see an organized crime connection.
The girls here are all sick. All the dust in the bar is giving all of us the Black Lung. This is an oldy but a goodie. A quote from NY Maria ” Get me a Cuervo pronto! That is Mexican for now!”

posted by Liliana @ 10:41 AM

Monday, January 26, 2004

No liquor license yet! Why does opening a bar always have to be so stressfull? Marshall just said the funniest thing to me. He had told me that one of the girls couldn’t make it for practice today but she had another girl call him. So he said “Is this a girl thing?” So my response was “girls like someone else to lie for them. Guys will do it themselves.”

posted by Liliana @ 1:00 PM

Saturday, January 24, 2004

So let’s call this particular girl “Whiner”. Well I go up to Whiner yesterday and say, “Try and show more personality while you are doing the choreographed dances.” Do you know what Whiner’s response was? “I have another job and I’m too tired to show any personality.” Well Whiner, sorry, no personality doesn’t work here. SEE YA!

I’m a little grumpy today. Kudos to Tiffany A. I didn’t think she had it in her but she has really came out of her shell and been great. Rene was named dance captain today, Congrats.

WASHATERIA. Now I don’t have to prostitute myself just to do laundry.

posted by Liliana @ 10:30 PM

Thursday, January 22, 2004

I’m living out of a suitcase and I have no clean clothes left. This sucks. I have no problem going commando but it would be nice to have a clean pair of underware just in case I meet that someone special . ” Excuse me Mr. Big Stuff, after I sleep with you can I use you washer and dryer? ” “I’ll throw in a little extra loving if you let me use your fabric softener.”
Tonight Lee is having his big liquor class. There will be liquor tastings, videos, and a fun lecture on beer. Man , in my day you got a bartending job and they simply stuck you behind the bar and said “go for it. ” Still no liquor license. I’m starting to freak.

posted by Liliana @ 8:50 PM

I don’t think the Austin girls knew how hard training was. Man they are dieing. Dancing is definitely not the forte of most of these girls. Jacqui definitely has her work cut out for her.But there are some really cool chicks that are so perfect for Coyote. We’ve got all types here. Kevin Bailey, aka the Machine, got us our health permit today. I was starting to freak about that. He was too, but ” never let them see you sweat” is his motto. Kev, sorry but I saw a bead of sweat on you yesterday. Now wouldn’t it be nice if we got our liquor license today too. Why does it always go down to the wire?

posted by Liliana @ 12:19 PM

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Masuimi. Beautiful, smart, funny, wild, and really nice. Go to her website iamtrouble.com. She told me last night that she designs her own website. I can’t lie her website is better than mine and I can’t design a fucking flyer. She is awesome. She even gave me a present. I love her.

OK we got down to 32 girls last night. We got some great girls. And all types. We’ve got biker chicks, fetish chicks, white trash luring chicks, southern belle chicks. I am so pleased. A few tears shed by the some the girls that didn’t get picked. One girl, I call her spike, ended up being underage, so I cut her. “Why am I always discriminated against by my age?” I had already given the girl a beertub job, I just told her she would have to wait until she was old enough to bartend. “Lil your so cold.” I’m not cold . I am not going to potentially hurt my liquor license by employing an underage girl . I’m not a babysitter, I am not going to have the managers spend all their time making sure the minor doesn’t drink behind the bar.
That’s all folks.

posted by Liliana @ 12:15 PM

Sunday, January 18, 2004

Today was the end of the second day of the Austin girl search. Some great girls showed up. I cut down to 60 girls. Tommorow night at the finals I have to cut down to 30 girls. This will be one of the hardest girl searches because I genuinely liked so many of the girls. How fucking funny the responses to their applications. I can’t tell you how many girls wrote down that they were bartenders because they mixed drinks for their friends. One girl wrote down that she was a bartender and a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. So i start grilling her a bit and firstly she tells me the old well I mix drinks for my friends . Sorry honey mixing drinks for your friends isn’t what I consider an accomplished bartender. So this continues and I say to her well show us a cheer from the cowboys. Holy shit, she then tells me that she’s not exactly a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader, she just cheers from the seats when she is at a game. That takes some balls, unbelievable. One girl came to the audition wearing “bubba teeth” . For those who don’t know what bubba teeth are, they are fake teeth that are crooked and all screwed up. I have never laughed so hard, that was great! I’m pretty tired. Goodnight!

posted by Liliana @ 11:58 PM

Thursday, January 15, 2004

We are receiveing a shit load of e-mails for the Austin girl search. Excellent. I’m really pumped for this particular girl search. Just to give you guys an idea of what happens after we hire the girls. Usually we have rehearsals and bartending classes that run a week to 10 days before we open.
This is the first time I am handing Lee the job of holding the bartending class. Well today he told me that there would be people brought in to explain the different liquors and there would be a slide show. Oh my fucking lord, we are having the first ever Coyote Ugly Bar Class slide show!! Jacqui and I are definitely bringing in some drinks and some popcorn! The days of just teaching the girls how to make drinks and understand pour counts are over. Hey maybe Lee planned a field trip to a distillery!! Do you think all those Irish bartenders whom have bartended for 20 years, saw a slide show? Hey maybe we could market this slide show? I hope I don’t fall asleep during it. Do you think they’ll be naked chicks or any explosions?

posted by Liliana @ 12:02 AM

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

I can’t wait to meet Masuimi. She is a celebrity judge for the Austin girl search. She is a firebreathing, bartending, contortionist, fetish model. How fucking cool is that? And her tattoos on her arms are awesome. At what point do you know you are a contortionist? Is it like a dare? Someone says “here try and fit into this box” and when you try and then you actually fit. “wow I’m a contortionist!”

Go to her site, iamtrouble.com. A gorgeous girl with guns!! Awesome.

posted by Liliana @ 9:27 AM

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Let’s regress back to bikini waxing again. Who the hell invented this? And when did you have to start waxing almost the whole thing. (Yes I do the landing strip.) My god, it’s painful. The funny thing is that now you hear about these men ( metrosexuals) getting waxed too. If I was a man I’m not doing shit. Soceity says you don’t have to so why would you?

posted by Liliana @ 10:47 PM

So one of my infringers is trying to get a few of my old girls to train their staff. I’m glad, just more evidence that you are stealing from me. Well let’s hope you make money because you will be paying your lawyers, my lawyers, and me.
OK Austin, I’m coming to town. Big big weekend. Who will be the lucky girls picked to work at Coyote Ugly Austin? I’m very excited!!

posted by Liliana @ 10:49 AM

Monday, January 12, 2004

I’m officially going insane!! Can more go wrong today? The topper being that the pipes in the NY bar burst today. I wonder how much that is going to cost me? ” Hey honey I’ll work on your pipes if you’ll work on mine!” You couldn’t pay me enough to even think that with my NY plumber!! The plumber I use in NY is very nice but I would say ” special ” is an understatement. You could overlook his specialness if he was goodlooking. But no he’s 0 for 2.
Jacqui said to me today, ” hey look at it this way, it’s like giving to the needy.”

posted by Liliana @ 5:46 PM

Oh Lee, everyone has had those days. ( in high school, only kidding.) I give Lee a hard time but he is doing a great job in austin even kevin Bailey called me up today and complimented Lee’s work. And let me tell you Kevin doesn’t compliment anyone. Kevin asked me to tell him today that he is the greatest person in bar operations. Sorry Kevin, I love you but I still think I’m better. Your great but not greatest.
Let’s get back to the drinking issue. Not many people can hang shot for shot with Marshall. Marshall should be the spokesperson for Jack Daniels. Poor little Lee in a world of lemon drops and cosmos. Hey maybe in his drunken stupor he had the real Coyote Ugly experience and woke up with someone really god awful. Although I would rather chew my arm off then end up with a guy whom is throwing up all night. It can go either way, I figure. I guess I’ll have to ask him.

posted by Liliana @ 12:31 AM

Sunday, January 11, 2004

How freaking embarrassing, Lee in Austin was drunk and throwing up all over the place. Part of my management team’s job is to go out in Austin and meet people. When you work for my company part of the requirements is that you can drink and socialize with people. From what Kevin Bailey and Marshall said ” a little girl could drink more than Lee. Well Lee” we’ve got to toughen you up little girl!:

posted by Liliana @ 2:41 PM

Saturday, January 10, 2004

Did you know that I read my horoscope everyday? I don’t know what I am waiting to see? Today my horoscope said that I have to listen to my spiritual side. What the hell does that mean? I have gotten my tarrot cards read 3 times and they always say the same thing ” you are a person whom takes control of your business and is very wise about your financial future.” Never about love or romance! I love Love!! Noone’s more romantic than me!! I’m just misunderstood.
So in the business world, I have many people whom are infringing on my trademark. Three stories to tell today. The first is about an infringer whom we went after a few years ago. He was publicizing all over his particular area that he was opening a Coyote etc. I had my lawyers go after him until he stopped using my name. Well as part of the settlement he was supposed to pay my legal costs ( which are astronomical). We get a call from his lawyer a few months later saying that this man died in a car crash and we would have to sue his 6 year old daughter if we wanted to see the money. Suing someone that’s 6 is just bad karma so I opted to walk away. Now the second story is so unbelievable, I’m sorry but I just don’t buy it. We had these infringers that actually came to me and said they were going to infringe by just changing the letters in the word Coyote. Yeah, they were really stupid, the law doesn’t allow that and I went after them. This particular case went to trial. I had people testify on my behalf and we won. Or to be more accurate, they got crushed. Well the legal fees were close to $50,000 and we have been waiting for reimbursement. My lawyer gets a letter the other day and it is so unbeliveable we just started laughing. Supposedly this man cut his arm working on the bar. Well the part of the story that is rediculous is that he claims because of this cut, he contracted a flesh eating virus and half his arm was eaten up. So of course he has no money to pay me either. Maybe I’ll start using that one for my creditors. ” Well american express, I’m sorry but I have been stricken with a flesh eating virus and am unable to write the check to pay you.” My lawyer said he had never gotten a letter like that and was going to frame it for his office. Again, unfucking believable! Now the third story is going on right now. We had a couple of guys who wanted to license from us. For a number of reasons it didn’t work out and we parted company. Well they are now opening a bar and are using all of my stuff. They have a website with pictures of my girls, they are using the same artwork that I use for the girl searches, and they are promting themselves as us. Well, I will not stop until I crush them. Just stupid. With these guys it is personal. No flesh eating virus is going to stop me from going after them. ” Stay healthy guys, you’re going to pay!”

posted by Liliana @ 10:33 AM

Friday, January 09, 2004

So I had a few cocktails at the anniversary party. A bunch of old bartenders were there, that’s always fun. Maria, Kim and the other NY girls were great. ” You girls make me so proud!” Last year I swallowed glass from a drink in my own bar. I had to go to the emergency room. That sucked. I remember everyone saying ” at least it happened to you and not a customer.” Yeah, I was thinking just that when I was spitting up blood for 2 days.
So New Yorkers listen up!! I am boycotting a restaurant on the upper east side called Mettereaneo. Last night Jacqui, myself and another friend went there. We had ordered food and 3 bottles of wine. Well the waiter comes over and says we have to settle up so they can use that table for someone else. Now I have been in this business a long time, you don’t kick out people who are spending money and are potential repeat customers. We were pissed. All I can say is “Fuck you people. ” Don’t think I didn’t notice the roaches in the bathroom.
On a good note I received many compliments on my lashes on Wednesday night!!

posted by Liliana @ 1:06 PM

Monday, January 05, 2004

Could today get any more stressful? The last month, before any bar opens, is stressful. Austin is just like every other city in America. ” Don’t worry we’ll get to your liquor license, right after we get to the 8 licences ahead of you.” I would laugh about it but Kevin B is so stressed out it’s rubbing off on me. ” Calm down Kevin your going to give me a fucking heart attack!” And then if I could tell you the shit Jacqui and I are dealing with, my fucking lord. Plus I am definitely getting a brain tumor from my cell phone.
You know what knocked me right back to reality? I came home. I was still on the phone dealing with some bullshit when my son hands me the ” Queezy Bake Oven ” and says “now mommy.” Very therapeutic baking worms and bugs and eating them. I would recommend that to everyone, mom or not! Well I’m going to cuddle with my son and tomorrow we’ll be in NY. Fun, Fun, Fun!!

posted by Liliana @ 6:18 PM

Sunday, January 04, 2004

What a fucking stressful week. Just when I think it’s over something else comes up.
A standard statement to all bartenders and service industry people across the world “Taking tips and putting them in your back pocket when your supposed to be pooling tips, is stealing!” How fucking low stealing from your own bar partners! That disgusts me.
( Not New Orleans bar , so stop the god damn rumors before they start.) I could go on for hours and bitch.
But I will NOT! The light at the end of a very dark tunnel this week is my eyelashes are getting longer. The Double Lash is working. So what my world is closing in around me. I can make new friends and have a new world with my luschious lashes. Thanks Popsicle.

posted by Liliana @ 11:39 PM

Thursday, January 01, 2004

The New York anniversary party invitations. This is today’s subject.
So I have this great idea of getting a picture of a really hot girl laying on tiles of a bathroom. The idea of the invite would be that one side of the card is a picture of this hot girl. The other side is the hot girl but she is laying on the bathroom floor because she drank too much at the anniversary party. I thought this would be very funny. Well the thought was good.
The web designer could not find any pictures that I liked so I asked him to go down to the NY bar and have the day girl ( Kristi) pose for it.
Well I forgot to call and warn her ahead of time and her first words to Kevin F. once she heard what I wanted her to do were ” Is Lil making me do this because I’m new? ” Pretty funny. ” No Kristi, unfortunately for you it was because you filled in for Romina that day.” Well the invitation is not what I expected. She looks more like a corpse than a girl throwing up in a toilet, like I originally intended.
Kim and Jacqui do not worry about handing them out, just create a guest list. And Kristi sorry, but I think it could be a cool picture for your scrap book.

posted by Liliana @ 5:48 PM

I did at least 4 audio posts and non of them worked!! How fucking annoying. No doubt they will all post later, if they do sorry 3 of them are exactly the same.
So this regular from Atlanta comes in last night and all he can say is that I’m a lot nicer than he thought I would be. What am I a fucking monster? People have this perception that I am so mean. I’m not mean , I am driven. There is a big difference. I received a package last night. A regular from New Orleans bought me the Double Lash that I have been asking for. Thank You Popsicle. In 30 days , I’m going to be a completely different woman. Is it me or is the room spinning? I need to go back to bed.

posted by Liliana @ 10:47 AM

Tuesday, December 30, 2003

For those of you who feel sorry for Lee, let me show you one of his e-mails to me yesterday.

“Lil, take a mydol and calm DOWN!!!! jesus christ! Lee “
Don’t worry about Lee, he gets his digs in. Actually what’s really funny is that he also sent me an e-mail saying that he didn’t want to speak to me for a few days. We had a pretty big blow up yesterday. I started thinking today how much easier his life would be if he didn’t have to speak with me anymore. He would probably sleep better, go out more. Maybe even have time to take a class or do something fun. Well I can’t let that happen so I figure I will call him twice as much today just to remind him that I am one of his best friends and he can’t get rid of me that easily. New Day Lee!
Now I want to talk about the only person who did not piss me off yesterday!! Jeff Wiseman my lawyer. I know everyone hates lawyers but I love Jeff. What other lawyer do you know that arranges all our meetings so we still have time to go out for a great dinner, a night of drinking, and then of course hit the strip clubs. Thanks Jeff, your the best!!

posted by Liliana @ 10:23 AM

Monday, December 29, 2003

I just received an e-mail from my web designer telling me that I can post my Lil Spill’s in audio. This sounds too good to be true!! There are so many people whom get mad at me because of these Lil Spill’s. Can you imagine hearing my voice say ” fuck off, I do what I want!!” My first audio Lil Spill should definitely be on New Years Eve after a few drinks. I feel sorry for the New Orleans staff! This is when it’s too bad for you that I moved from N.Y. to New Orleans. Oh Laura, I would learn how to do Last resort properly! Can you imagine what I might say in the Lil Spill if you don’t! And new girl, Andrea ( I think ) You will be able to log onto my Lil Spill and hear me say ” Put that fucking cigarette down!” What would be really great is to have a night, where the girls are awesome and be able to say ” who’s better than my New Orleans girls!! ” Stranger things have happened.
Today is like Christmas all over again!!

posted by Liliana @ 11:04 AM

So I get a letter from my High School asking for a donation. They list the ways you can contribute. A. Cash/check ( that’s easy ) B. Bequest ( Yeah right , I’ll give Jackson’s inheritance to my High School ) C. Stock Transfer ( again not happening) D. Gifts -in- kind ( I think it’s a kind way of saying donations in a physical form IE old computers etc ) E.Corporate Matching Gifts ( maybe when my company is as big as IBM ) The kicker is that they put a label on your contribution. So if I give $50 I would be called a “Contributor” but if I give $5,000 I would be part of what they call “The 1897 Association”. In the Alumni paper they will actually put your name and your donation title next to it. So if you give $50 everyone thinks your cheap but if you give $5000 everyone thinks your a rich snob. That $50 from someone who doesn’t have much is just as important as the $5000 from someone whom has a lot.
To my high school’s credit I received a very good education. ( you really can’t tell from these Lil Spill’s considering my foul fucking mouth and my absolutely horrible grammer ) But the really weird part of my high school is that it is very similar to a cult. I would say a fair amount of my classmates have been hypnotised into working at the high school after college. The Ursuline nuns have created a world very much like the moonies. And these women make it their life’s work to fund raise for the school.
The more I think about it , the more I am really, really impressed! I need to hire these nuns. I’m always looking for more money.
This Lil Spill is dedicated to The Ursuline School of New Rochelle N.Y. The Lord works in mysterious ways. That’s for damn sure! ( I’m going straight to hell)

posted by Liliana @ 10:05 AM

Friday, December 26, 2003

The beauty about the day after christmas is the sales. Oh I fought tooth and nail at saks for the last Gucci wallet! You can’t stop me. See, I do most of my Christmas shopping the day after. There are people you know you aren’t going to see until after the holidays, so I say get it on sale instead of paying full price. ” Take note people for next year”
OK Christmas Eve I was at the bar and one of the regulars asked why a certain regular was kicked out of the bar ( 86ed as us veterans call it.) He subtly implied that it could be a personality issue with one of the managers. Let me tell you how a good manager looks at a customer, like a big fat open wallet. They are trained not to put their personal opinions above the well being of the bar. This particular guy was asked to take a 2 week break from the bar after an incident he caused. (Think of it as a temperary suspension.) Well he was so upset over this action that he ended up starting more trouble and was then given a permenant boot from the bar. If a customer does not show respect toward the bartenders or any employee, there is a price to pay. Usually it is a simple verbal reprimand but other times it’s a big ” Take your fat ass and get out of my bar.”
But of course, It’s nothing personal!

posted by Liliana @ 6:12 PM

Wednesday, December 24, 2003

Please Santa! I want Double Lash ( eyelash grower) and world peace. How cool would it be if Santa looked like The Rock or Heath Ledger. I would be waiting by that Chimney in nothing but a g-string , some stilettos, and a smile. ” Why Santa I know what I want for Christmas! You must be so hot in that outfit, why don’t we take it off.”
What a fantasy, this dream man breaks into your house just to service you and leave you presents. Excellent!!
Happy Holidays everyone!

posted by Liliana @ 7:36 PM

Monday, December 22, 2003

I know it’s Christmas, but does that mean that everyone stops working? I get a call from Sara ( from Tampa bar ) and she is completely understaffed for New Years Eve. The best fucking night of the year and noone wants to work! Am I crazy or do most bartenders beg to work that night? At 21 years old, it is so much more appealing to hold your boyfriend’s head over the toilet because he drank too much, then go to work and make $500.
And then the other excuse; “my family always spends New Years eve together.” Oh how domestic, making cookies and drinking a sip of champagne with mom and dad. You don’t need that extra money, when you have so much family love. Oh I have a great idea! Let’s close all the bars and give everyone the night off.
What is this world coming to?
This Lil Spill is dedicated to hard working people whom care about making money and contributing to the economic prosperity of this great country and of course Coyote Ugly Saloon.

posted by Liliana @ 9:36 PM

Sunday, December 21, 2003

OK guys listen up! Taking Stacker is not attractive. I have 2 guys who work for me who take this fucking diet AID. Last night I go into the bar and one of the barbacks, Justin, is just chatting up a storm. I say to him ” what the fuck are you on?” his reply ” well Lil I only took a few Stackers before work”. Justin was a tad portly when he started at the bar. Now he has lost over 30 pounds. Through his nonstop talking he also told him he is depressed that he isn’t getting any. ” Justin, looking like you just did an eightball of coke. Doesn’t really impress the ladies. ( not the good ones anyway.) “
Another one of my guys, whom takes Stacker, starts twitching after he takes these pills. ” Looking like your about to have an epileptic seizure , is also unattractive.”
Now this is a very hard concept to grasp. EAT RIGHT AND EXERCISE, DUMB ASSES!

posted by Liliana @ 11:00 AM

Saturday, December 20, 2003

My manager Aaron told me the greatest story the other day. KP one of my New Orleans girls played a little joke on one of the regulars, Jack. Just to describe KP ( important to the story ) she is a beautiful black girl. Jack is a very southern white man. On a night that KP was working Jack was sitting on his stool. Yes he sits in the same stool everytime he comes in. In fact his name and an arrow are on the wall pointing to his stool. While Jack was making a trip to the bathroom, KP took his cellphone and made a very unusual call. She called his mother. Now what she said is the funny part! His mother answers the phone and KP proceeds to tell his mother how excited she is to meet her. Kp then tells the mother that she is ecstatic that Jack has finally asked her to marry him. Then of course th kicker, ” and I am so glad that you don’t care that I am black.”
At this point , I am laughing so hard. I didn’t know KP had that in her! The beauty of this story though is the reaction of Jack’s mother. She was livid at Jack for not telling her he was getting engaged. But she could care less that it was to a black girl! I love that.

posted by Liliana @ 11:14 AM

Friday, December 19, 2003

Maria, Maria, Maria ( from NY ) You are very popular on the site this week. I’ve told everyone that you were the first Coyote of the month ever , so sorry but I think it’s too soon to give that honor to you again.
Now let’s talk about your Thursday nights, Maria! They leave a lot to be desired.
People!! If Maria is so popular why are none of you visiting her on thursdays? This is her schedule: She works Thursday night, Friday night, and Sunday night.
Why should you go see her? Because in my mind, and I am the expert, she could be one of the BEST Coyotes ever. EVER. It’s an honor and a privelege for her to serve and entertain you. Maria who is better than you? Now let’s promote Thursdays!!!

posted by Liliana @ 8:10 PM

Thursday, December 18, 2003

Angela from Tampa, Listen up! Bartending is supposed to be a means to do other things in life. Sara told me yesterday that you gave your notice. She said that you felt it was becoming too much for you and you did not know what direction your life was going to take. Being a Coyote is hard work. It’s harder than a normal bartending job, believe me I know. But it can also be a lot of fun, great money, and it can give you a little bit of celebrity. Whether you decide to go back to med school or make a living basket weaving, there is no reason why you shouldn’t just work 1 night a week. For god’s sake you were going to be the Coyote of the month next month! Bartending is a way to pay your bills and give you your days free to pursue other things. In the immortal words of Jerry Maguire “HELP ME HELP YOU!”

posted by Liliana @ 9:55 AM

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

My bouncer in New Orleans, John , gave myself and all the girls sportknives for Christmas. Maxam Lockback Knife W/ clip. The big fear I have is that the girls are going to start doing that stupid knife trick between there fingers. I can only imagine the trouble these girls can get into with a freaking knife in their pocketbook. Can you even carry a knife? Is this illegal to have in your pocket? Is this a knife that I will use to protect myself? Or will I use it to whittle something cool? Or am I going to fucking kill myself just trying to get it to close? Thank you John very much but I can’t lie I feel a great deal of stress about this goddamn knife.

posted by Liliana @ 7:45 PM

Tuesday, December 16, 2003

A friend sent me this a while back. This is hysterical. It’s from x-rated Buffy Fan fiction. It’s written from the perspective of the hot-but-evil Slayer, Faith:

…It’s about three AM, and I know that the streets
downtown will just be starting up with Vampire
activity. Tonight is a good night. Nobody in here
wants any trouble, they just want good whisky and to
see some hot girls dancing on the bar…Man, even Lil
got up there tonight. And that is pretty fucking
unusual from what I can gather. I don’t know why
though, after all she is the original coyote and one
mean dancer. Seeing her up there, her and Cammy
putting the moves on each other had more than me just
drooling. I was tempted to get out the water jet
myself to cool the two of them off. She’s still up
there when Rachel suddenly looks at her watch and says
‘fuck’ before giving the bell on the back bar a good
tug and calling time. I put the last of the money in
the register and see that we can barely fit another
dollar in. I reach up and put my hands on Lil’s waist.
She puts her hands on my shoulders and I take her
weight as she jumps off the bar. I use my strength to
make sure that her descent is slow, her body pushed up
against mine as she slides along it to the floor. When
her feet are on solid ground, she still doesn’t let go
of my shoulders but licks her lips absentmindedly. I
wonder if rule number three is not fucking the boss,
but I don’t think so. Not if I know Lil…

“She thinks I’m pretty hot. I wonder what happens next?”

posted by Liliana @ 11:16 AM

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Fun in the New Orleans bar this weekend. We had a ton of New Yorkers down for the Saints- Giants game. OK there were two guys at the bar buying me drinks and other customers drinks etc. Nice guys, also New Yorkers ( my people). Well after the fourth round that they bought I ask Tara to buy them a drink. I signal her to make another round and she does. Well she asks one of the guys for money, I lean over and say to her “I have this round.” With a straight fucking face , she says to one of these guys, “NO.” At this point I’m waiting to see his reaction. As a true Coyote customer, he forks over the money. Well just when you think it’s over she takes it one step further. She fucking slaps one of the guys right in the face and says, “where’s my drink?” I’m pretty much hysterical laughing right now but I’m also thinking you better pull this off Tara or I’ll be really pissed. For god’s sake these poor guys had free brunch passes to House of Blues . They actually, after this, told me that it was a credit to me that they would rather pay for drinks and get beat up, then get free drinks somewhere else. Unfucking believable.
Now I wouldn’t recommend this approach for a novice Coyote. But I always tell the girls that they have to learn to read people. Well Tara read these guys right. . Good for you Tara, my little girl is growing up! ( Man would I have been pissed if her little stunt backfired!)

posted by Liliana @ 8:39 PM

Saturday, December 13, 2003

My god I’ve been traveling too much! I can’t believe I’m going to admit this. But I actually am thinking of ordering a few things from the airline shopping magazine, Skymall. I am fucking pathetic! There is this one product that has been tantilizing me for months now. It’s called Double-lash. “This revolutionary product made from natural proteins promotes healthier, stronger lashes with just three weeks of bedtime applications!” WOW.
It’s Christmas time. Normal people want clothes, a car, a watch, beautiful earrings. No I want DOUBLE-LASH. There is nothing wrong with my eyelashes. But can you imagine after 3 weeks of applications, I could have the nicest eyelashes ever. I would be unstoppable then!
Is this an early sign of mental illness?

posted by Liliana @ 10:41 AM

Friday, December 12, 2003

I made it! Oh dry your eyes everyone. I’m safe , the plane didn’t crash.
Angela in Tampa , superstar! How old do I have to be before I fucking learn not to mix wine and liquor? I know the old addage ( can’t remember it now). I went with Joanna and Tampa gang to Byrnes Steak House. I love that place. Of course we had a bottle of wine there and then went back to Coyote. Larry, the new assistant manager , has some pictures of me doing my traditional toe shot. I let Scooter off easy, he only had to pay $125 for a body shot off of me. Considering the hang over I’m in pretty good spirits. I’ve officially hit celebrity status. The people at the airport parking garage asked me which bar was I coming from? Nah, I think the big Coyote Ugly sign in my car gave it away.
This Lil Spill is dedicated to both Lee and Kevin. Seperately, I was told by both of them that they were feeling a lot of pressure right now with the Austin Opening coming up. ” It’s the hard that makes it great” Love you guys! Also Jacqui, who’s a better choreographer than you? Nobody!

posted by Liliana @ 3:38 PM

Thursday, December 11, 2003

So last night I had a dream I was in a plane crash. Of course, I’m flying to Tampa today. The funny part of my dream was, no disrespect to heavy people, but there was a heavy set man sitting in the middle seat. While we were going down he pulled me and the man next to him on the ground. All I could think of was : don’t heavy people have to buy 2 seats? That’s the dream. I hope I don’t crash today.
On another note , when I go to NY and New Orleans all the staff is happy to see me. But when I go to other cities, usually management looks at me like I’m the grim reaper. Get ready Sara the Grim Reaper is coming!

I just got an e-mail from the AM of the Tampa bar. Here’s an exerpt from his letter.
  “Well, let me start off by saying that Sara (in all her gracefulness) was hit on top of her head by a falling stapler.  The stapler was on top of our 10ft ladder, when she tried to move it, and was greeted by the plummeting stapler.  Sara was in the middle of putting up X-mass decorations when this happened. “
That fucking hurts. Sara had to get 4 stitches. Not your week Sara, first you get hit on the head and have to get stitches and now I’m coming! They say things happen in threes. Tune in next week to hear ” What happened to Sara? “

posted by Liliana @ 9:03 AM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003

Everyday I get business offers. Everyone thinks it’s so easy to run one of these bars. Put 30 high energy, big ego girls together and then through in alchohol. Easy my ass! Between the managers , the girls, and the bouncers it can be mayheim if you don’t handle it properly. I don’t give a shit what anyone says. This is hard work.
Now let’s talk about the funny things I have heard from some of my employees.
” I can’t work it’s the 4 year anniversary of my breakup with my fiance. ” .
“My boyfriend doesn’t like me working here.”
Oh the best excuse came from a porter in NY. ” Lil, I can’t come to work. My mother woke me up to quick’ I gave him off the day for originality.
One of my bartenders from New Orleans claims she gives the best blow jobs in Jefferson Parish ( suberb of New Orleans) She claims it is common knowledge. “Everyone knows I give the best blowjobs.” she points her finger toward a man ” just ask him” Well all I can say to that is Congratulations!

posted by Liliana @ 11:11 AM

Monday, December 08, 2003

This is final! The NY 11 year anniversary party will be held Wed. January 7th 2004! Why is it so early this year? Because I am so fucking busy. Austin will have it’s grand opening on January 28th ( hopefully) and New orleans 2 year anniversary is officially January 25th ( Don’t know when the actual party will be). January, the worst fucking month of the year for bars. But for some strange reason it just always seems to happen that I open in January. C’est la vie.
What the fuck am I going to wear to all these things? New Orleans has the worst shopping! Damn it! Big thanks to Angel from New orleans. Thank you for the shirt. I LOVE IT!

posted by Liliana @ 10:32 AM

Sunday, December 07, 2003

So Thursady night I’m in the New York bar and a friend of mine, Eileen comes to visit. I complement her on her new hairdo and you know what she says. ” Lil, let’s face it. I have great hair. I’ve never had a bad hair day in my life:” Well that is a bold fucking statement! Good for you Eileen!
So did I mention I was in New York during a blizzard? Thursday night Maria and Krysti worked. Maria always a superstar. Krysti is great at selling. She is filling Chars’ shoes well. A great salesperson but can’t dance a lick. I did one of the dance routines with Maria. Do you know how that feels? Well it sucks, unless you are a broadway calibre performer. And I am not broadway stock. For everyone who was there, laugh it up. See what a few drinks can make you do?

posted by Liliana @ 5:56 PM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003

Oh this is priceless. Someone responded to my request for a hotel room in New York. The hotel they suggested is pretty expensive . To pay for this they suggested I auction off my New Orleans ( soon to be Austin ) manager, Marshall. He would love that!
Ladies, rumor has it that he has very big feet. ( If you know what I mean!!) An ex girlfriend of his told me that.
OK let’s start the bidding at $100.

posted by Liliana @ 11:12 AM

Oh this is priceless. Someone responded to my request for a hotel room in New York. The hotel they suggested is pretty expensive . To pay for this they suggested I auction off my New Orleans ( soon to be Austin ) manager, Marshall. He would love that!
Ladies, rumor has it that he has very big feet. ( If you know what I mean!!) An ex girlfriend of his told me that.
OK let’s start the bidding at $100.

posted by Liliana @ 11:12 AM

Monday, December 01, 2003

My first wish for Christmas is a 6 ft. blond man with a six pack who is mute. Now my second wish is to not feel so much stress. There is not enough yoga classes to de-stress me. Well if I get my first wish, he better give a really good back massage after we go a few rounds. Oh, I’m laughing out loud now. Most men give you a back massage with one hand because the other hand is on the remote. Someone told me recently that her boyfriend says he has arthritis in his hands. Of course he is able to write , use the computer, and anything else that he likes. Just thinking about this is pissing me off. Sex, a back massage ( I’ll sub in a foot massage), and some cuddling. That’s all I want. I don’t think that’s asking too much!
Can’t wait to go to NY.. I miss NY!

posted by Liliana @ 8:21 PM

Friday, November 28, 2003

The Cat in the Hat sucked! Mike Myers did his Coffee Talk ( SNL ) character for the whole movie. Well I can’t say the whole movie since I walked out after 50 minutes. Dr. Seuss is rolling in his grave.
OK I’m going to New York next weekend and every Hotel is booked. I have been on Hotels.com, Yahoo, and Travelocity. What the fuck? If anybody who reads this editorial piece ( that sounds good. Makes me feel like a real journalist) works at a hotel and can get me a room please e-mail Lil@coyoteuglysaloon.com . The Village or near Bloomingdales are my preferred locations. I’m going down to the New Orleans bar today. I think I will have a few cocktails. Why? Just because.
PS Travis ( bouncer) stopp eating all that crap. I’m watching YOU!

posted by Liliana @ 10:32 AM

Thursday, November 27, 2003

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m feeling a little weepy today. In a good way. I woke up and played with my son and started to think about the the good things I have in my life. My son is obviously number one.
I’m thankful for my son having the best father. Tony does all the things a dad should do with a son that I am too girlie to do.
I’m thankful for my sister, her family , and my parents.
I have a few dear friends whom I love very much.
And I not only love my business but I enjoy working every day.
Enough sappy stuff ( PMS).
It is ridiculous how long it takes to cook a turkey. Hours and hours of basting. Then all the other stuff you have to make. I love cooking but I am scared of the endless cleaning you have to do afterwards . I can’t wait until Jackson is old enough where it is his responsibility to wash the dishes. A parents dream; Your kids become old enough to do all your chores around the house.
Quote of the week from Jacqui ” Lil , I’m pulling the schedule out of my ass! ” I’ll be in New York next week. I can’t wait.

posted by Liliana @ 11:09 AM

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

Big win last night. Tara won the Budweiser Bartender of New Orleans competition. 2 years in a row we have won. Congrats Tara!
New Orleans Laura! What the fuck are you doing during the choreographed routine Last Resort? One of the moves that is taught by Jacqui is punching ( in air boxing) . The dance calls for a few punches and then you improv taking a hit. Well if you watch Laura you would never know that. I don’t care how girlie you are, learn to throw a punch. Also taking a hit doesn’t mean you look like you just watched a bad episode of Fame! Laura, I told Chantel that you need some more practise. As God as my witness , you will learn to throw a punch like Mohammud Ali!
On a good note. Laura you did a very good job getting the drinks out during the competition.
Someone asked if I’m going to write a Christmas wish list. #1 Blond 6ft man. Has a 6 pack, and is MUTE! When I think of a few others I’ll write about them!

posted by Liliana @ 10:14 AM

Monday, November 24, 2003

My Lil Spill about the New Orleans girls seem to stir things up. “YOU GIRLS HAVE TO BE THE BEST. I EXPECT EVERYONE TO GO INTO THE NEW YORK BAR AND THE NEW ORLEANS BAR AND THINK YOU GUYS ARE BETTER THAN ALL THE REST.” Those are the bars I spend the most time in. New Orleans girls Saturday night did a great job. Love Nina the 6ft tall new girl. And Chantel ” Who looks hotter than you doing the water dance?” Good job!
My meeting with the Australians went very well. They can really throw those drinks down! Brent Todd was with us. Supposedly he is the Joe Montana ( huge football star) of Australian Rugby. Had we been in Australia we would have to put him in the VIP section so all the little girls didn’t bother him. Well we weren’t in Australia so it really didn’t matter. So Brent ( everyone calls him Toddy) bet me $100 that I couldn’t get this particular female customer on the bar. Oh , I’ll take that bet. It took me all of 15 seconds. Later on he told me that he had a new found respect for me because I pocketed that $100 without a slight hesitation. A bet is a bet. If I lost ( not likely) I would pay up. If you can’t pay don’t play. Pay up Sucka! I think I might have to go to Australia!

posted by Liliana @ 10:59 AM

Saturday, November 22, 2003

I get some interesting letters from people viewing the web site. Well the one I just read is fucking hysterical. This woman, we’ll call her Octopussy, wrote me a letter about maintaining ones pubic hair.
Octopussy wishes we lived in a world where you could go to your local barber and ask for a trim. ” Hey Sal, just a little off the top.” ” Sal, I’ve got a hot date, take it all off.” ” Sal, I’ve got to cancel my appointment. Yeah it’s that time.”
Well Octopussy, maybe one day your dream will come true.

posted by Liliana @ 4:58 PM

Friday, November 21, 2003

Job Available: New Orleans: Women wanted for bartending jobs Requirements NOT LAZY!!
Last night my managers threw an employee meeting. I wish I could have been there. A few of the girls have real promise. But there is not one girl that tries just a little extra. The harder the bartenders work means more money for them as well as me. Come on girls!!
Marshall, Aaron, and Chantel ( New Orleans managers) : Good luck . You have your work cut out for you.

posted by Liliana @ 9:19 AM

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Construction for the Austin Bar is really coming along. I’m really excited about it. Lee, Mr. Jack of all Trades, has been working on these cool faux stain glass pieces that we would put up behind the bar. They will depict cool images of Johnny Cash, Kid Rock, and a few other people. He sent me a picture yesterday of one of the windows and it looks awesome.
Of course, we know that artists are soo tempermental. Well he went to the Austin spot today. After seeing how far along the construction was and how nice the bar looked he decided that he doesn’t want to put up these windows. I can’t express how much I love these windows!! They are so cool looking. This Lil Spill is a plea to you Lee!! Please put up the windows!! People will come from miles around and say ” Lee Killingsworth created that piece. I must have an original Lee (your the fucking man) Killingsworth.” This is your chance to shine, Lee. Please put up the windows! Lil

posted by Liliana @ 7:13 PM

Tuesday, November 18, 2003

I’m in North Carolina, I’m under the weather, and I can’t find my cell phone. It’s 8:30 in the morning. Noone has called me! But yet the urge to make sure I don’t have a message is excruciating. I lived most of my life without a cellphone. Why the hell am I so dependent on that little portable phone? I used to make fun of those people who couldn’t walk down the street without having that phone tied to their ear. I always thought it was unattractive and weak. There is something to be said about walking somewhere and just having your own thoughts to keep you company.
I’ve become one those unattractive, weak people. Who the hell needs to keep in touch with me 24/7? Who the hell do I need to keep in touch with 24/7? Noone. Noone is that important. My son is too young to use the phone. I am not the actual GM for any of my bars. So the bars can call the GM’s at 4am. And let’s face facts, my friends can wait and call me at a reasonable hour. So with all this said, Why am I going insane without my cellphone?

posted by Liliana @ 8:52 AM

Sunday, November 16, 2003

” Buy a piece of furniture and get a free bucket of chicken!” ” Buy a truck and get your very own free 12 gauge shot gun” As the immortal song goes ” If that ain’t country you can kiss my ass!”
At the marketing meeting for the promotional car drive, who came up with that one. Guy # 1: ” Hey , I’ve got an idea! Let’s give out shotguns to everyone who buys a car. “
Guy # 2: ” Why Billybob that is an excellent idea. You done did it.”
Well I’m fixing to get right over there to Billybobs and buy myself a truck. Maybe I can use the shotgun for a driveby. Mix north and south!
I love New Orleans. I’ve lived here for 2 years now. But sometimes it definitely is a bit of culture shock. ( Tara won the first round of the best bartender competition in new Orleans. Chantel won last year. Next week is the finals. Stay tuned.)

posted by Liliana @ 7:55 AM

Saturday, November 15, 2003

You’ve got to train the regulars. When I come in the door, there should be a shot of crown waiting for me. I am happy to say that there is a group of regulars at the New Orleans bar whom do not order a drink without offering one to me. Last night I was speaking to one of the managers and I saw this group have a group drink. ” What the fuck am I dead? Where the hell is my drink?” They broke protocol and now must be punished. Brennan and Anthony quickly knew they were in trouble and gave the feeble excuse, ” We thought you were leaving.” Don’t you worry people, they will never let that happen again!
Everyone who wants to go to the NY anniversary ( 11 years). Listen Up! I do not know the date of the party. The actually anniversary is on January 27th but I don’t know if I can throw the party on that date. I’ll keep everyone posted. This Lil Spill is dedicated to Starbucks. I have a feeling I will need a couple white Chocolate mochas before I go to work today! ( Lee the white thermal is a hit! Who is better than you? )

posted by Liliana @ 11:01 AM

Friday, November 14, 2003

Rules to live by: Repeat business is what keeps the bar alive ( Except Vegas). One of the licensees wrote me to ask my advice about the girls being too abusive to the customers. OK GIRLS LISTEN UP! Nobody wants to come to a bar where they get bruised up by the bartender. Whipping people should be fun, not mean. When you go too far you lose a tip, a potential customer, and potential customers that the person could of sent in. Also you put the owners in a bad situation. Coyotes are supposed to be attractive, sexy, and tough. When you get too mean it becomes ugly, very unattractive. Tough is about attitude. It’s not about being so crude that you alienate the person that you were goading and all the people around them. Coyote is about having fun. Being a Coyote means the men all want to be with you and the women all want to be you. Coyote Ugly is a business. Your jobs are to create more income for the bars, not lose it. If you truely listen to what I say the bars will do better and you will make more tips. ( Now when you are in the privacy of your own home, give that guy or girl a good whipping. Just say “Honey, Lil says I need to get out my aggressions on you. Come over here bad boy!.” )

posted by Liliana @ 11:28 AM

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Daisy in Boston. You have quite a few admirers. Milk them for every dime! Good work. Wendy, Tabitha, and Ginger, from New Orleans, you guys have the most fans that write into the site. ( Well I have the most fans, but that’s kind of cheating) Unfortunately, Tabitha left for greener pastures. School, a real job. ( Fuck all you people who don’t think bartending is a real job!) Jason, bouncer from Vegas, the girls really dig you. Get in line girls.
OK this is what is on my mind. What the fuck happened to me? I used to be able to go out all night, sleep for an hour, and get up and go to work. No Biggie! I went out all night, one night, in Vegas and I still feel like shit. My god how depressing. Kevin claims it’s because I don’t eat wheat. Let’s analyze this. A. ” eat wheat, be able to drink all night, and be as fat as a house.” or B. ” eat healthy and exercise, have a good body, but can’t drink all night.” Umm? I’ll take B.
This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the people at each Coyote. Good Job

posted by Liliana @ 10:39 PM

One of my employees says”only weakminded losers gamble”. Well this loser is up $550 in blackjack. I call that WINNING! I love Vegas. But I’ll tell you it’s such a drag going with Kevin and Lee. ” Let’s go to this club” ” Let’s see this site” Fuck that shit. Put me on the casino floor, I’ll be entertained for hours.
My attorney, Jeff, and myself went to a conference out here. We were the only people not wearing suits. Everyday is dress down day at Coyote. My god I had no idea there was so much money in Chicken wings. There was this company called Quaker Steak and Lube. What do you eat while your car gets an oil change? Well who the fuck knows. I definitely want to put up a booth for the next conference, I’ll blow these people away.
Girls if you go to the Coyote in Vegas, Jason the bouncer is so cute and really big. Very SEXY! Kirsten the bartender was very sweet and the girls were great. Got to go catch my flight.

posted by Liliana @ 12:58 PM

Sunday, November 09, 2003

I am laughing so hard right now. One of my girls Tara, has rules for dating. She calls them : Rules to eliminate dating a douche bag. She sent me a copy . I just have to post them they are too funny.

TARA’S QUESTIONS TO ASK TO AVOID DATING A DOUCHBAG
1. Do you still live with mother?
Having to wipe my ass everyday is a part of life. Having to wipe his ass too is only doubling your chances of getting your hands in SHITT!!
2. What kind of car do you drive?
He must drive a nicer car than yours or one equal to it. If not that just means his piece of crap car will always be broken down and guess who becomes the taxi
3. Do you have a checkbook and at least one credit card?
If he doesn’t that just means he has no credit and eventually he will want you to cosign in order to replace his PIECE OF SHIT CAR!
4. Do you do drugs, or have the need for drugs?
Yes antidepressants fall under this category. Loser
5. What type of drunk are you?
A grown man taking a piss on the floor of the living room is not exactly material you want to bring home to mom and dad.
6. How long does it take you to get ready?
Taking longer than you to get ready means he is one of those pompous asses that will take the rear view mirror from you while you are putting on your makeup to check his hair
7. Have you ever been in jail and for every 10 people in your family is there more than one of them in jail?
If the answer is no, follow by asking if you were dating him and he went to jail would he call you to bail him out?
8. At what temperture do you wash your underwear? You might find this question odd, but if he can’t answer it you’ll find yourself enjoying doing his laundry as well as yours.
9. What do you do for a living?
Although the initial thought is materialistic, this question is actually showing you if you will be filling out resumes for a second job because you got stuck paying his bills too.
10. And last but not least the ever so important sex question.
How often do you NEED sex?
Don’t get me wrong sex is great..to want it everyday is onething.. to NEED it is a flashing red sign that says CHEATER!

This list should be posted everywhere, so women of the world can escape dationg losers. Love you Tara. Good luck

posted by Liliana @ 9:36 AM

Saturday, November 08, 2003

In January, the NY bar will be opened for 11 years. In 11 years, only two girls that worked for me had kids, and thousands of girls have worked for me. Going across the country I hire these girls and so many of them have kids. It breaks my heart. I hired a girl in Chicago that was 21 with 3 kids. Children are wonderful, but such a big responsibility. I see some of these girls still partying and expecting their parents to take care of their kids. I hear a lot of sad stories. I don’t know how this makes me feel.
I’m mad because these girls aren’t stupid yet they act with so little thought. A condom or the pill could of solved their problems. Is it the old proverb ” the sins of the father.” ( mother) If your mom had you at 16, you are predestined to have your own child at 16.
Or maybe this makes me feel so sad. Kids raising kids. In New Orleans, I had a girl work for me. Her daughter’s school would call saying that this particular employee forgot to pick up her daugter from school. I felt so bad for her daughter. I would think of her waiting by herself, only 6 years old, and her mom not showing up to get her. It makes me want to cry.
I think people no matter what age have the capacity to love. I have a girl working for me now that brings her infant child to dance rehearsals. You can see how much she loves her child and will make sacrifices to do what’s right. And that really is the most important part of being a parent.
Who the hell am I to judge anyone? I’m not judging. Just telling you guys about something I think about while getting to know all these girls.
Happy Note. I’m going to Vegas tomorrow. I LOVE VEGAS. HIT ME!

posted by Liliana @ 7:07 PM

Friday, November 07, 2003

I just got an e-mail from the web designer, Kevin F. He just got married and spoke about how much his new wife is enjoying the presents ( specifically pot and pans) that they received as gifts. KEVIN, let me tell you something, marriage is all about upgrade. ” Honey, now that we are married we need a new apartment.” ” Honey, I’m tired of our furniture, let’s get something new.” ” Let’s move out of Manhattan, and get a house in the suburbs.” Oh Kevin , kevin, Kevin! Suck it up sport and save your money. She’s already getting bored with the new pots and pans. This says one thing to me … BABY .
First you’ll buy her new pots and pans, then it will be a new sofa. Oh the buying won’t end until that little bambino comes into this world. Good Luck my friend, Good Luck!

posted by Liliana @ 6:25 PM

Thursday, November 06, 2003

One of my employees asked me to bring in pictures of myself giving bootshots. A bootshot is when you pour liquor into your own boot and make someone drink out of it. I am proud to say that I am the inventer of the bootshot. I’m sooo smart! I have had people drink out of my boots, out of my socks, off my toes, and off my stomach. ( In fact 2 weeks ago someone requested a body shot off of my stomach. ” I’m in retirement , You want one off of me it will have to be for $650. ” I can’t believe he actually did it. ) ” GIRLS DON’T START JACKING UP THE PRICES,THEN NOONE WILL BUY THEM . YOU ARE EMPLOYEES AND THERE IS A SET PRICE FOR BODYSHOTS ETC. I CAN DO IT BECAUSE I AM

posted by Liliana @ 10:04 AM

Monday, November 03, 2003

I’m going to Austin tomorrow. I have a bar going up on 6th street and I need to start picking out swag (decor ) for the bar. Also I have to do a whole lot of sucking up because of my Lil Spill about Lee. As he keeps reminding me I went from being one of his best friends to being #14 after writing that. I assume I’m still in the top 20 because we work together. I’m not very good at sucking up. I figure if I just keep saying “Lee your the greatest ” Lee, that rendition you did of … is awesome, you really should show your work to a gallery.” If I can stay with those two themes maybe I will be forgiven. Unfortunately my mouth sometimes has a mind of it’s own. And we all know that there will be plenty of Lil Spill’s which he will be mad at. He just gives me so much material. I can’t help myself. I guess this will be practice for every Lil Spill that he gets upset over. At some point , just like pavlov’s dogs, he’s going to have to accept me for whom I am. ( pain in the ass whom speaks her mind ) This Lil Spill is dedicated to Lee, is going to be a long ride!

posted by Liliana @ 7:35 PM

Sunday, November 02, 2003

Why are girls the worst drunks? 99% of the time when guys get a little too rowdy or act inappropriately, one of the girls or the bouncer simply asks them to calm down or please leave, and they leave! Unfortunately women are never that easy. If a woman gets too rowdy or too risque on the bar, you better hope she has cool friends. If she has cool friends then they usually can calm her down or escort her out. If she doesn’t have cool friends, forget it , fight extraodinaire. I have a great bouncer in New Orleans . I’ll never forget him walking into the bar at noon one sunday. His face was covered with scratch marks.
He told his story with such venom, you had to feel for the guy. Basically a woman was asked to get down from the bar and she would not. Travis went over there and she proceeded to try and kick him in the face . He quickly was able to coax her down but she scratched him mercilessly. Our policy is a no violence policy with the bouncers. Talking is the best way to sooth an irate customer. Well he calmed her down and was able to convince her to leave but she got in a few nice marks on his face. His anger was two fold. He’s not allowed to throw a punch at a customer unless it is an extreme safety issue . And, he is a well manored man who knows he can never throw a punch at a girl, we would never allow it and his morals wouldn’t either.
You can take the girl out of the trash but you can’t take the trash out of the girl. In the words of a true southerner, ” It’s a motherfucking travesty.”

posted by Liliana @ 4:40 PM

Friday, October 31, 2003

Bud Girl with the pig tails, if you even come near the New Orleans bar, I will turn the other cheek while my girl Chantel kicks your ass.
Tonight we had the bud girls vs. coyote girls volleyball match. We knew when they walked in that they had brought ringers. We found out from the refs that 3 of their 6 girls play in a division volleyball league. We came with 2 strong girls (Leah and Catherine), 1 girl who played in high school ( Chantel), and 3 of us straglers(Angel, Jennifer, and me). Leah and Catherine were awesome and we won the first match. ( Best 2 out of 3). The second match we lost. I can’t lie , I really suck, but my fan club cheered me on. Well the third match we were killing them. Leah got up to serve and she wailed on them. The score was (I think) 11-8 our favor . The refs (whom Leah also works for) told Leah to miss. The condition was that the bud girls would in turn miss their shot. This was to make it interesting for the crowd. Well Leah missed and the bud girls decided not to miss their shot. Well to make a long story short, they won. We were pissed. Chantel ,who knew the refs, threw a fit. They claimed it wasn’t fair because we had 1 ringer. Well our response was that they had 3. Needless to say, one of the bud girls got in Chantel’s face and it is now war. Bud Girls, ” Bring It” You have to win by cheating. Well we will take you on again. Name the time and the place and we will be there!

posted by Liliana @ 1:42 AM

Thursday, October 30, 2003

So I am definitely pms and I was up all night very depressed. So this morning, I told myself to list all my positive assets. My #1 positive asset is my son. I love him more than anything in the world. Now get ready for #2. OK, my #2 asset is my breasts. I went over this in my head many times and the happiness that my new breasts give me is unbelievable. When I am in my house walking around naked and I see my reflection in the mirror, I say ” wow those are awesome!”
Now the question that has plagued people for miles around. Real or fake? I have seen real breasts that are phenomenal, breathtaking. And I have seen real breasts that , as the addage goes ” put some bandaids on those mosquito bites.”. That says it all.
I have seen fake breasts that are phenomenal, a real piece of art. And I have seen fake breasts that look like someone put a waffle cone under your skin.
Fake or real? There is no answer.
This Lil Spill is dedicated to Dr. Metzner in New Orleans.

posted by Liliana @ 8:44 AM

Wednesday, October 29, 2003

So many bills so little time. Nobody just writes you a letter anymore. When I was a bartender I used to save every penny I made. I would eat english muffins and mac and cheese. I barely ever went shopping. Obviously I was a good saver since I was able to open the NY bar.
Who invented the credit card? These little cards are going to be the death of me. I always tell the girls to save. Noone listens. Right now I am balancing my check book and doing the NY bars bills. This is depressing. Did I need that new bag? NO! Did the NY bar need the new merchendise? Yes but it still pisses me off.
Then just for extra fun, the NY landlord is squeezing me for every last dime he can get. I’m not a very religious person but if there is a fiery hell, he’ll be there. I am sick thinking about him. Live it up Mr. Landlord, LIVE IT UP! Enough. I’m going to do yoga now!

posted by Liliana @ 11:37 AM

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

My one brain cell was definitely not functioning properly last night. Helmut or helmet? Perhaps in german, Helmut means cool ass mother fucking head gear. Or perhaps it means stupid jerk. A College education and I still can’t spell.
Today let’s talk about Lee. His corporate title is Director of future business development. He really is a jack of all trades. Except construction. He wouldn’t know a hammer from a screw driver. Well he has been designing most of the new merchandise. We have had the most blood curdling screaming matches over the most minute little things. I really love a lot of his new designs, but there is one particular item that I am not happy with. I’m sorry but the spades thing is getting so old. What a character he is. I love him dearly, he is such a good friend. He claims he knows more about fashion then I do. I call him Mr. Over the Top. I have this awesome picture of him wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. ( I wish I could figure out how to put it up.) Picture a guy with black (sometimes), spiky hair. Always a pair of sunglasses on. He is good looking. But I’m sure he knows that since he spends a lot of his day checking in the mirror.. If being fashionable means wearing a truckers hat sideways ,then he is right. He is more fashionable than me. I am laughing so hard while I am writing this. We fight like brother and sister. This Lil Spill will definitely be a huge fight. Nothing but love for you Lee. This Lil Spill is dedicated to everyone who buys the new black thermal. Hold on to them because it is definitely a limited edition.

posted by Liliana @ 1:45 PM

Big birthday today. My son turned 4. He had the time of his life. I love watching him have so much fun. And I can’t help it but I have to say, he is a good looking kid. My genes of course!
This weekend was unbelievably busy. Some nice bikes parked outside the bar! I really want to get a Harley sportster. I saw a few cool custom bikes by big dog , gasoline Alley, and West coast Choppers. But as I said to Jacqui , I simply don’t deserve those quite yet. One issue that concerns me when riding a bike is : My hair. I fight having a bad hair day, everyday. How the hell am I going to pull off wearing a helmut and not have a fucked up hairdo. And if I don’t wear a helmut my hair is going to be like a rat’s nest. Not wearing a helmut is not an option. I don’t want to die and have the worst hair day of my life and death. Right now, Lee is probably designing a Coyote Ugly bandanna just for me. ” Don’t put too much time into it Lee, I hate the way bandannas look on me.” Well that’s all I have to say about that. My girls did great this weekend. My compliments. This Lil Spill is dedicated to my son. I love you!

posted by Liliana @ 12:04 AM

Saturday, October 25, 2003

Who loves Steel Ponies more than me? The answer is Jacqui ( GM NY, choreograoher ). We are having a blast. Hot bikes, hot guys, hot girls, and a lot of booze makes for an awesome time. My girls look great, they are selling the new merch in the classic Coyote style. A woman buys a shirt then is forced to get on the bar ( that Kevin built ) and her shirt is cut into a tiny halter ( only leaving the words Coyote Ugly ). We made a lot of men and women very happy yesterday.
A couple of the girls danced on stage with the group Diamond Back. They were doing a cover of an old Guns and Roses song and Jacqui kept screaming ” do the Axel” ( Axel Rose lead singer Guns and Roses ). Later we found out that the girls thought Jacqui was saying ” do the asshole” I can only imagine what the girls thought that meant. As we were recounting the story I realized , ” my god these fucking girls don’t even know who Axel Rose is! ) Now that is a fucking reality check. Indian Larry and Billy Lane were in the bar. Really Nice guys, awesome Bikes. This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the Hot Bikers with hot bikes!

posted by Liliana @ 10:51 AM

Friday, October 24, 2003

New Orleans girls listen up! Char, my NY girl, came to New orleans yesterday. I asked her to come down and help during Steel Ponies and Halloween Bike Fest. She gave out cards and flyers on the plane. She handed out flyers at the airport. I gave her her work schedule, which is, Friday (Steel Ponies ), Saturday (Steel Ponies), and Sunday ( day shift at the bar) . Her reaction was : ” Lil I’ll have at least 100 people from Steel Ponies and the airport in the bar on Sunday to visit me.” This is what I’m fucking talking about. Build up your shifts. Be aggressive. Make it happen! The New York girls were trained exactly the same way! Show everyone that you are just as good! This Lil Spill is dedicated to all my girls. I think I need to open a can of ” Whoop Ass” and get you guys motivated.

posted by Liliana @ 10:22 AM

Thursday, October 23, 2003

Boston girls I am not picking on you. I tell the girls at my bars the same thing. Whether you are a Coyote at one of my bars or a licensed bar, I love you. I wish you the best of luck at the bar and in life.
So let me pick on my girls a bit. There are 3 bars that I own equity in. New York, New Orleans, and Tampa. New York and New Orleans I deal with on a daily basis. I placed one of my managers from NY in Tampa. I feel confident that her 3 years with me will help her keep my coyote principles pure in that city.
One of my favorite girls in NY is a girl named Char. When she was hired she couldn’t dance a lick and she was a mediocre bartender. I love her. She still can’t dance a lick. In fact, Jacqui doesn’t even let her dance the choreographed numbers. Now I can honestly say, she has become a really good bartender. I’m flying her down to New Orleans today to help with Steel Ponies. Why ? That girl can sell!!
New Orleans. I have a girl named Tara. She is my best girl on the Mic. But for the first 4 months , we would physically hide the mic from her because she was overusing it. I love Tara! But just like every Coyote she has to hear my shit too.
This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the Coyotes. I love you but as long as I’m alive you will have to hear my shit. The END!

posted by Liliana @ 10:01 AM

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

My hat is off to the women of my neighborhood. You know what, their houses look great and mine looks like shit. My house is like the eye sore of the block. I have lived here for 5 months and I still haven’t finished unpacking. I am pathetic. I’m sure they are loving the 3 week construction job that is going on in my backyard. I asked Kevin to build a portable bar that we can bring to all the bike fests etc. My god, Michelangelo could of done this thing quicker. On Kevin’s behalf I will say that he is an excellent carpenter and the detail that he has put into this bar is outstanding. On the other side, my fucking god, the girls are going to destroy it anyway. In addition to that it has to withstand the elements. This is an official apology to the neighborhood for the construction. Maybe I can get Kevin to work in the buff and invite all the girls over. We’ll drink beer and just watch. Naked with just a toolbelt. A woman’s dream. Friday starts Steelponies so this bar has to be finished by then. This Lil Spill is dedicated to the women on my block putting up with our shit. And to Kevin for doing such a good job.

posted by Liliana @ 9:21 AM

Tuesday, October 21, 2003

I seem to be getting quite a few e-mails about a particular girl ( Coyote) in Boston. Let’s call her The Yapper. Well Yapper this is directed to you. Get off the god damn mike. When you cut off the music and talk for 2 minutes it is annoying. When you get on the mike it should be short and sweet. I feel sorry for the girls in Boston. Boston is a franchised bar and I can only help if the owners want my help. I am so glad I’m not franchising ( licensing ) anymore. It’s so frustrating. Being a Coyote isn’t easy. Being a great Coyote is even harder. If any of the Boston girls read this, feel free to e-mail me and we can talk.
Now I just received a very important e-mail. My trademarks went through in Croatia and Estonia . If I die today I can die happy. What do you think the chances are of me opening a Coyote Ugly in Croatia? I’m not really sure where Estonia is? Stranger things have happened! This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the people in foreign lands . It may not be tomorrow or even a year from now, but I’m coming!

posted by Liliana @ 10:22 AM

Monday, October 20, 2003

Big business woman! This weekend an article about my company came out in Inc Magazine. Some of the quotes from the licensees are just priceless. Nothing like some fiction to spice up the article. Peace and tranquiltity, that’s what I am about. Only love for those licensees . I wish them all the best when I am moving forward with my company and they are chasing someone else down. OK just a little venting. Now what I am really upset about is ” Why don’t I ever look good in these fucking pictures?” I’m such a fucking girl. The article could have said that I was a piece of shit (which it didn’t) . But if the picture was good , I would be somewhat happy. I can’t help it. Very shallow, I know.
Actually , the article expressed the important moral of my story. My way or the highway! This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the hardworking entrepeneurs who want success and happiness.

posted by Liliana @ 3:51 PM

Sunday, October 19, 2003

A beautiful day in New Orleans. The Saints won, that is the only important issue today. There are two issues that you have to know to gauge the Sunday day crowd. The first is: is it is a home game? The second is: did the Saints win? In New York you have the Jets and the Giants. But most of the city consists of transplanted New Yorkers so you root for the loudest group in the bar ( except for the Cowboys, I can’t root for them out of principle) Personally I love football. Unfortunately, 98% of the girls who work for me could care less about this wonderful game. Year after year I try and teach the girls how to run the football pools. I’ve thrown in the towel. The two people I think are even more pathetic are two guys I have working for me on the corporate level. One of them , we’ll call him Mr. Metrosexual, had to do research before a meeting with The Mavericks ( Dallas NBA team). I called him up and said ” Mr. Metrosexual could you please get to know The Mavericks so you can pretend to be a normal guy.” It seemed to work. I think they offered him a job after that meeting. The other guy who works for me, we’ll call him Mr. Lollipoop head ( my son calls him that), only knows one sports person ,Ray Lewis. He happened to be the manager on duty when Ray Lewis supposedly shot someone at an Atlanta nightclub. That’s it. That is the extend of his sports knowledge. I’ll repeat, pathetic! This Lil Spill is dedicated to Doug Jolley, of the Oakland Raiders. He needs to get me about 20 points so I can win my fantasy football match.

posted by Liliana @ 7:35 PM

Saturday, October 18, 2003

It is true, “the hangovers hurt more than they used to.” Since moving to the Big Easy, I have started drinking Crown Royal. Is this a good thing? I don’t think drinking 20 shots of anything is really a good thing. Unless your paying for them at one of my bars. I have a vague recollection of performing “Devil” ( a choreographed routine) with the girls. People said I was good. I’m just glad I didn’t fall off the bar with those goddamn 20 inch high sandles I was wearing. The key to drinking that much is to follow it up with a viewing of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.” Now that’s fun! Needless to say, my dreams last night were quite bloody. This Lil Spill is dedicated to the poor schlumps like me , whom woke up today with a splitting headache.

posted by Liliana @ 11:06 AM

Friday, October 17, 2003

You have to give credit to some of these girls. They have made a career out of picking up single ( sometimes married) men. I was just in Chicago and I asked about one of the girls I hired ( since I feel we should keep her name anonymous, we’ll call her The Big Ho ). The Big Ho was gorgeous, but as she was training, I knew she was not long for her life as a Coyote. The first weekend the Chicago bar was opened I watched her interact with male customers . This girl was a pro! And it was within the first month that The Big Ho found her sugar daddy and took off. People ask “well Lil why would you hire her?” All I can say to that is ” Even if it was for 1 month, this girl could sell ice to an Eskimo.”
This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the big hos out there whom have worked for us. Good Luck and stop by and see us sometime.

posted by Liliana @ 11:39 AM

Thursday, October 16, 2003

How many Kristys can one bar have? The NY bar has recently hired two Kristys and it is driving me nuts. I never know whom the night manager is refering to. Then I started thinking about all the Kristys we’ve had. Small Kristy, tall Kristy, Loud Kristy, psycho Kristy. Well you have to have a little psycho in you to work at Coyote. We’ve also had a real psycho customer Kristy. Small Kristy was definitely my favorite Kristy (new Kristys don’t be upset I don’t know you yet). She was a little work horse. But as per usual, she fell in love and the boyfriend made her quit. Oh that topic will be another Lil Spill. This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the Kristys that have worked for me. Send pictures and tell me what you are doing.

posted by Liliana @ 12:30 PM

Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Three things that drive me fucking nuts with these girls. 1. tanning all the time 2. Eating crap all day and then going for breakfast after your shift 3. Wearing what is not suitable for you.
Tanning: read the fucking paper. One day you wake up and you have this one line that doesn’t go away. Well honey, get ready there are a million lines that are just waiting to come out. Just buy the tan in the bottle. Stupid young girls have no idea what they are doing to themselves.
Eating crap: ” Lil you are in such good shape. How do you do it?” This is not fucking rocket science. Eat well and exercise. After you eat that bag of Doritos, don’t be surprised that your leather pants don’t fit. We always said when a girl started that she would gain the Coyote 15. And it pisses me off everytime. Don’t bitch to me how fat you’re getting, when you sleep in till 3pm and then eat crap all day! Also, who said it is mandatory to go out for breakfast at 5 am? I certainly didn’t. Go home and go to sleep. If you are hungry drink a glass of water, you’ll get over it.
Wearing what is not suitable for your body type: If you have a gut, don’t wear a cut off t-shirt. If you have big thighs, don’t wear Daisy Duke shorts. We are women. Women have curves in different places. Wear what exentuates your positives. I can only imagine the mail I am going to get about this!
This Lil Spill is dedicated to noone in particular, I’m just pissed off today!

posted by Liliana @ 5:43 PM

Friday, October 10, 2003

My neighborhood is a exactly what I imagine Mayberry ( from Andy Griffith Show) to be. And The women in my neighborhood are dead ringers for the old movie The Stepford Wives. I have 3 domestic skills. 1.caring for my son 2.cooking 3.doing laundry (but not folding it) . I have no other domestic skills what so ever. I simply didn’t get that gene. Well October 1st came and these women in my neighborhood were outside of their houses decorating for Halloween. When I grew up, you always had one decked out house but everyone else just placed a few pumpkins outside. Well these freaking women have their houses looking like haunted houses from the movies. The woman ,two doors down from me, has police crime scene tape wrapped around her house. They are showing me up! My house is the only house on the block with no decorations. I am so incensed about this that I am going to hire Kevin (director of operations for my company) to create the most evil house ever! My house is going to look so fucking evil that the kids in the neighborhood will all need therapy after seeing it. This Lil Spill is dedicated to the non domestic women all over the world. Go get um girls!

posted by Liliana @ 10:00 AM

Thursday, October 09, 2003

New Orleans. A whole different ball game down here. I have 2 stories that come to mind that describes what we are dealing with down here in the south. The first story was related to me by my manager Marshall. The bar was doing a liquor promotion one night and he was very impressed with one of their promo girls. He asked this beautiful girl if she was interested in being a Coyote. She was very interested and asked about some job specifics. When Marshall stated that a regular shift was 8 hours long, she immediately stoped him. ” I could never work more than 4 hours at a time!” What do you say to that? That’s the first story.
The second story was told by my manager Aaron. He told me that one of the girls kept trying to get cut early. First it was “I have my period.” Secondly, it was “my aunt is very sick.” And thirdly, it was “I think I have tuberculosis.” Aaron being a very smart man simply said ” spell tuberculosis and you can go home.!” Well she stayed till the end of her shift .
I love my New Orleans girls , they are some of the funniest people I have ever met. These girls use the phrase “mother fucker” as a noun, a verb, an adjective, and an adverb. This Lil Spill is just a little insight on living in the south by a New Yorker.

posted by Liliana @ 10:33 AM

Wednesday, October 08, 2003

I am so proud! The Village Voice, one of NY’s premier liberal newspapers, mentioned us in their ” best of” issue. I actually think they created a new catagory just for us. I’ve got tears in my eyes writing this. We won : Best vomit soaked booths and girls dancing. They combined two very distinct catagories to fit us in. My mom was so excited. She said ” honey you’ve finally done it! congratualtions. “
Well truth be told, the customers are so well trained , that they would rather puke in their hands and run to the bathrooms then feel the wrath of the bartenders. But I will accept this award as a very prestigious compliment for all the girls whom work at the Coyote Ugly NY.
PS fuck all of you that feel a need to correct my spelling mistakes!

posted by Liliana @ 11:48 AM

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Men are so typical. This is the story. Last Friday I was in New York and the New York bar was having some electrical problems. We made an appointment , and as most of these agencies do, they told us that someone would be at our location before 6pm. Great. No electricity means no ice, no cold beer, no heat, and no music. Well Jacqui, the GM, asked one of the girls, Char, to call the serviceman. In a very sexy, dumb blond way, ( she’s not blond) she called ” Sir, Please get down here as quick as you can. I’m half naked and I am dyeing of cold. ” Low and behold the serviceman was at the bar in 15 minutes. This demonstrates why Coyote Ugly works. Smart business women + dumb men = success. I love my job.
Lil

posted by Liliana @ 6:55 PM

10 and 1/2 years and it finally happened. Melissa, a bartender, put her foot right through the NY bar. Jacqui the manager called me up concerned about the large hole that now existed in the bar. My first response was “is Melissa alright?” I was informed that she was fine. My second response was “let’s sell the broken pieces on e-bay.” Of course Jacqui already started fixing it and didn’t save any of the fragments. My third response was more awe inspired. 10 and 1/2 years of debauchery on that bar and this is the first structural collapse of the bar. My god we must have a guardian angel looking over us.

If the walls of that bar could talk, I would be in a lot of trouble and so would most of our regulars.

I have no doubt there are people who will have scrolls of Lil stories that are filled with sex, lewd behavior, and drunken antics. My mantra, “If I don’t remember it, it didn’t happen.” But for every one story about me I usually have ten for each devoted customer.

This Lil Spill is dedicated to all the loyal customers who have shared in a few nights of debauchery with me and the customers who are sharing those moments now with all the girls of Coyote Ugly.