I just got the OKC manager’s log from Daniel. I started laughing because we just terminated the OKC AM and now Daniel has to work the shift. The numbers were up so he did a good job!! They have a new girl who started last night named LIL. I don’t remember in all these years and all the girls if we have had another Lil. Liliana is not a common name in the states but Lilian is and so is Lily. Maybe I have just blocked it out or the Lils’ weren’t that good! Well good luck New OKC Lil. With my name you better be great!

Finally a beautiful day in New Orleans!

Latin family drama. My mother is at an all time high with the drama calls. ” Lilianita, your dad is sick. What will I do if he dies. Bury me next to him.” ” Mom, he just has a cold.” ” Lilianita, I can’t afford to go to the gym. What am I going to do? ” ” Lilianita I need a ticket to Colombia to visit my brother. Everyday I cry about my mother and my brother.” The melancholy and drama is getting worse. When we were little and my mom’s mother died , my mom wore black for 3 years. 3 YEARS!! One day I said to her ” Mom would you please start wearing normal clothes.” To this day she will say ” You hurt me so much when you told me to dress with colors.” When my childhood dog died my mother built a shrine for him. I went to Colombia when I was 11 years old , by myself, to visit my relatives. In the first week  my aunt’s ( my mom’s brother’s wife) mom died and the pope died. They slept for three days in the funeral home and people were crying and collapsing in the streets. My aunt complained to my mom that I wasn’t emotional enough. My mother called me and told me that I better start crying more or I would get punished! The other day my mother left me a 5 minute message. 5 minutes on my voicemail. I know I should be more understanding but the constant melancholy is so draining. In my mother’s defense there is a long line of drama in her family.

She is going to read this and then I am in deep shit. Doesn’t matter how old you are , your mother still has a way of torturing you. Last year , my sister ( the saint in the family) was driving my mother around . They got back to my sister’s house and my mother proceeded to complain that my sister hadn’t taken her to another place she wanted to go. My mother just kept at it until my sister in a frenzy put my mother in her car and ended up driving over her own dog. Thank god the dog ended up living.

Now I will call my mother.

I sent Lee to OKC this weekend. A very bad report came back. I can’t say I am surprised because that’s why I sent him. The girls got a good review but a lot of other things were really falling apart. Now its put up or shut up time.  I know that bar can be great but it can’t just manage itself. urgh

I am reading Dennis Leary’s new book, ” Why We Suck.” It is hysterical. Some of the things he talks about are exactly what my friends and I talk about. He covers everything from race, child rearing, celebrity  and lack there of childrearing, politics, oprah, and what makes men and women different. I love the pictures of the male and the female brains in the book. Too funny.

This is an excerpt from the book;

“Our ( men) emotional makeup is made up of sports and sports memories. We don’t cry unless our favorite player is forced to retire or we’re watching a movie ABOUT a sport or favorite player who retires or any movie connected to baseball- which reminds us of our dads. You may wonder why your man wont shed a tear while you collapse on his shoulder during Leonardo Di Pussio’s death by freezing ocean in titanic but stick a ” Field of Dreams” and fast forward to the scene where Kevin Costner plays catch with his dad? That’s a different story…” Then he recoomends to women to buy a movie called “Brian’s Song” ( another sports movie) and watch your man crumble into tears.

Really some very funny things in this book. Laughter truly is the best medicine!

I am tired. I took a plane every day for 5 days straight. It was so exciting to see the new dances at the anniversary party!

The Nashville bar is so great it just needs a little TLC.  I think some positive energy would do that bar a world of good.

Last week I called jacqui and I said that I  wanted two new dances for the Nashville anniversary party. I even had the songs picked out already. I met her yesterday in Nashville and in her hotel room we choreographed the two new dances. It took us 7 hours to complete these dances and not to toot our horns but they are pretty great.

Well today I stayed and watched her teach the girls just one song before I caught my flight home. Urgh. This song is so powerful and they just didn’t own it. There were a few girls who looked really good performing it. But the rest of the girls looked just plain old spastic. I am heading back tomorrow for the party. I am hoping that tonight they practice and the songs look great for the party!

My son just asked me why pee is yellow? I must look it up

Thank god for San Antonio!!!After reading the manager’s logs I am not sure if I want to kill myself or go Kent State on people!

OKC and Austin not great but not bottom of the barrel horrible!!

That’s it everyone else is painfully slow.

Yesterday after the psychic vampires sucked my energy my son came home and I was laughing and cheery within minutes. I had to quiz him in french for a history test. He was laughing so hard at how bad my french is we actually recorded it. Very funny.

This is the email I just opened from jackson’s school.

“Dear Parents,

It has been brought to my attention that two students in our Kindergarten
classes have developed ringworm.”

I had a dog that had ringworm! You are freaking kidding me.
I have to think positive thoughts but Jackson has had swine flu, sore throats, allergies.
It seems like in the last 3 months he has caught everything. Gross!!! Please god, not for me but for Jackson, no ringworm!!

Very busy day today. Today wasn’t a great day but t wasn’t horrible either.
A few very great projects on the forefront.
The complaints I have about today is that I feel completely drained of energy.
I heard an interview with a ” vampire” and she said it correctly. Or maybe the term is “Psychic Vampire”
There are some people who are energy suckers and they have the ability to suck all your positive energy. Today I feel very sapped of energy. And the people who normally don’t effect me in that way, definitely effected me that way today.

We just received an inquiry about licensing. “… My boyfriend wanted to buy me a Victoria Secret but its only corporate stores so I came up with the idea of licensing a Coyote. Don’t worry about the money. He is 82 years old , filthy rich, and will buy me anything.” The words of a true entrepenuer. Jeff emailed me this inquiry with the title “We all need a sugar daddy or a sugar momma”  Its always been against my beliefs to have anyone pay my way in life but now that I am getting older I do wonder what I would ask for from my 82 year old, filthy rich, buy me anything boyfriend?

Very busy day!!! I have been nonstop on the computer today. I just went through all the manager’s logs for the last week. It took everything I had not to hang myself. Across the board every bar did horrific numbers last week. Urgh.

Trying to meet Jacqui to do a few new dance numbers. Sending two scouts out this weekend. Let’s end the year with a bang.

Go Saints!!!!

The Saints are freaking awesome tonight!!! I am getting excited about the Nashville anniversary next week.

Just received dividends from Panama City. Very Nice. Their numbers are getting better every year. Very Much like Austin and Denver!!!

Toronto is a head ache. Lee is trying to get out of scouting this weekend.

A few new interesting prospects.

I bought my son a book entitled ” Manual for the newly biten” . It reads like a real manual about what to do and expect when you first become a werewolf. My son is now obsessed with this. And yes he was told by his dad that we arrange his schedule around the fullmoons so that he does not get hurt by his father while his father is in his werewolf phase. ( 3 days a month). So he tells his friends that he is a Pureblood werewolf ( mother is normal human because she would not be able to have a child if she was changing every month into a werewolf). I was just listening to a conversation between his friend and himself. My son wants verification that Abraham Lincoln was not a werewolf. ” Mom werewolves can be good people. It’s only 3 days a month that they are in werewolf form. Perhaps John Wilkes Booth was a werewolf hunter that is why he assasinated Lincoln.

My son definitely has a great imagination!!

Haven’t looked at the logs today yet. What is my life coming to when I am about to read Mary Jo Buttafuoco’s book?  I just went online to read about Amy Fisher, who was Mary Jo’s husband’s underage mistress that shot Mary jo in the head. (Obviously, Mary Jo did not write this book from the grave so yes she lived. ) Amy went from inmate to journalist now she does porn. Nowadays, everyone does porn so is this a fruitful career for her. I understand the fascination of watching porn but what is the fascination of being in porn? Regardless. lets see what Mary Jo has to say

Conversation I had this week that I thought I would never have in my life!!!

1. ” Honey since I was relocated I have no real friends in this town.   I was thinking about joining a motorcycle club to make some new friends .  As my ” old lady” you may need to wear a ” PROPERTY OF…” shirt if I join.” My response,  as I was hysterically laughing, ” you are out of your mother fucking mind!!!” I am laughing as I write this.  ” Have you forgotten who you are dating?” I will wear that shirt for a Halloween costume or on April fool’s day!”

The american team got home yesterday from Moscow. I am hoping that they left the russian team completely trained. I wonder how daniel would rate the russian strip clubs over the US ones since that was his highlight?

This is Jim (AM nashville) manager’s log! I love starting the day off laughing. Thanks Jim you made my day!! Chasity shadowed me tonight, she learned the ropes of the closing manager. She picked a good night to watch me in action. I was amazing tonight, I made all of the right moves and we had a great shift!! Only negative would be that she intentionally passed wind on my right leg.

This is Daniel’s blog from his time in Russia

Scared shitless

Black people count:  1, 2, 3

We arrived in Moscow on Saturday.  The owners had prepared a party for us and all of the stuff with a huge spread of food.  I have to admit, I am a pussy when it comes to trying new food.  According to Lil, I was very rude because I didn’t try everything.  In that case, I was extremely rude because I hardly ate anything.  Luckily, the owners are aware of my aversion to weird food and filet mignons were served later.

Later, we went on what they call a Fleshmob here.  Definitely not something we would do in the states.  It was pretty uncomfortable.  We were going into bars and the girls were wearing coyote shirts and doing their dances on the dance floors of the bars.  Needless to say, we set records on number of bars kicked out of in one night and fastest kick outs.  We lasted around 5 mins in each bar.

It was very difficult Pre-Grand Opening

Bounce getting the girls here trained properly.  The gun system and ice didn’t appear until the day before the opening, so I had about 3 hours with the girls prior to opening.  Brutal!  I’m afraid the American coyotes won’t be much faster since they can’t speak Russian.

On Tuesday, myself, Erika (Denver Coyote), Caitlin (Memphis Coyote), Pump (Traveling security trainer), and Bounce (San Antonio Coyote) all went across from the hotel to a gas station to get some snacks.  I will preface this with the fact that there are almost no black people in Russia.  After three days, we had spotted two others besides Bounce.  The following has turned into the story of the trip and has yet to be topped….  We walk in and all pick out some water and chips, etc.  I go to pay first.  I pay and ask for a receipt.  The lady proceeds to THROW two plastic bags at me accompanied by a glare.  A little shocking, but not too crazy.  I go outside.  Bounce pays and leaves and meets me outside.  The others proceed to checkout.  As soon as they are done, the attendant runs over to the window and stares Bounce down.  Bounce turns her head and is startled by the angry stare she is receiving from this lady.  I am obviously laughing at this point.  As we leave, the crew of the station proceeds to block off the entire gas station with signs.  We all decided that it was a Whites Only gas station and they must have to disinfect everything before reopening.  We think the signs must have been “Whites only” signs.  Obviously, this may not be true because none of us speak or read Russian, but the stares Bounce was getting on the way out makes it viable.  Needless to say, we have not been back to visit this gas station or any other for that matter.   It will always amaze me that there was a time that it was worse than this in the States.   It really shouldn’t be as funny as it was, but if you were there and have any sense of humor, you would have died laughing.  We still laugh about people’s ignorance every day.

We have been counting the number of black people we see and giving high fives every time we see one.  This makes Bounce’s day when she sees another black person.  I decided to keep a count in my blog.

Lil and Lee took it upon themselves to call me fat on a daily basis since our arrival.  My brain has not been working well, and I have not come up with any good retorts.  Need to get some sleep if I’m going get my quickness back.  Anyways, according to WebMD, my weight is in the normal range, so as far as that is concerned, Lil and Lee can suck one……

Grand Opening

Bounce:  Getting more comfortable

Black people count:  4

This has definitely been one of the more trying experiences of my life.  Over the past few years as regional manager, I have become accustomed to making sure things get done the way they are supposed to (some would disagree and say I get them done the way I want them), but either way, it has worked so far.  I take pride in the fact that when I say I will do something or achieve something, I do.  Period.  Here, I cannot really give orders as I am working for the owners here, so some of my suggestions have fallen on deaf ears it seems.  We ran out of ice and change on opening night.  Two very important things in the world of bars.  You cannot operate without them.  Lil actually called it the night before.  She said,”Has anybody made sure that these guys have all the basics covered such as change?”  Pretty amazing since we were out of change within a couple of hours of opening.   We fought through it, though.  Throughout the night, I was warning the owners of these problems, but nobody seemed to care.  I finally freaked out and got pretty pissed.  I think Lil thought it was funny, but I am just used to having things run as smoothly as possible when it comes to things we can control.  Oh well……

Overall, the opening went okay.  The ring was pretty solid.  Tips were not very good.  Something we will have to work on during our entire trip.  Everything is tougher here because of the language barrier.

Day 2 – Thursday

Bounce:  Still alive

Black people count: 5

Today, we all met in the office to talk about the grand opening.  Lil, myself, Lee, Ruslan (Russian owner), and Anna (Russian owner).  I got a little upset about the lack of attention to the issues that had arisen during the grand opening.  I felt like there was a lot not getting done that needed attention.  Hopefully things will start getting taken care tomorrow.   Slower night than expected at the bar….

Day 3 – Friday

Bounce:  Not kidnapped yet

Black people count: 6

A lot busier tonight.  People are staying all night long which means they’re having fun, but we just need a few more bodies through the door to really get it going here.  The owners here are starting to understand the seriousness of making sure everything is set up correctly.  Very happy with their efforts to make sure things run smoother.  Starting to see a lot of myself in the manager.  She is female and very tough.  All of the Russian coyotes are very scared of her.  Reminds me of myself a few years ago.  Lil has been trying to soften me up over the past couple of years, and these days, I think I have gotten too soft.  I’m sure there are a few girls out there that have received one of my verbal lashings that would disagree.

Jeff W. stopped by the bar tonight to have a beer or ten and say goodbye.  He flies back to U.S. tomorrow.  One of the Russian coyotes came in to party on her day off, and he thought she was throwing some looks my way.  This particular girl calls me “Big Boss Man.”  Jeff thought that was very funny, so he is now addressing me in emails as the big boss man.  I could get used to that…….

Day 4 – Saturday

Bounce – Wondering why she is such a pussy when it comes to drinking.  Also wondering how she can hold a gallon of cappuccino in her belly.

Black people count:  Remains at 6

I’ve had trouble sleeping the entire trip here.  My clock is so messed up in the states because my hours vary depending on what city I’m in and what I’m doing in that city.  Sometimes closing down the bar, sometimes just doing meetings with the managers during the day.  Doing both for quite a while here, so I haven’t been able to get a decent sleep schedule.  All the girls and Pump are having the same problem.  Looking forward to a day off tomorrow.  Ruslan and Anna are taking all of us to dinner, then to the strip club.  The women here are beautiful so I’m expecting to be amazed.

I can tell the Russian coyotes are improving.  The ones that pay attention are quickly rising above the others.  It is very difficult to teach them sales without speaking their language.  Even the translators have trouble translating some of the things I have to say.  Although Lil would not want me to say half the things I do, Anna (Russian owner) actually asked me to be hard on the girls.  Love it….

Bar did decent.  Still need more people through the door.

Day 5 – Sunday

Bounce:  Happy (obviously, she got her first lapdance)

Black people count: 6

Finally got to sleep in today.  Much needed.

We went to the bar and met Anna and Ruslan at 8:00pm.  We went to Goodman’s Steakhouse for some Filet Mignon.  We found out tonight that we achieved quite a few firsts for Bounce.  First Filet Mignon, first lapdance (more on that later), and first time to see snow.  She must’ve lived a very sheltered life.  Dinner was great.  I’m starting to realize what crappy hosts Americans are (including myself).  Ruslan and Anna have taken phenomenal care of us during our time here.  Ruslan and I had a rough start during his training in the states, but he has become a friend of mine ever since then.  A sincere thank you to both of them for making our time here so enjoyable.

So, after steaks, we went to a strip club called Showgirls.  Ruslan bought all of us a lapdance.  I think Bounce and Caitlin got the best of them.  Caitlin couldn’t decide which girl she wanted, so I suggested that she get the two that were always dancing together.  Bounce picked a girl in a very interesting outfit.  I won’t go into too much detail on what happened back there with them, but I would guess that there were more clothes shed than the stripper had on……..

After the strip club, Ruslan, me, Caitlin, Bounce, and Erika all went to Ruslan’s karaoke club.  I have sang (most would consider it screeching) karaoke twice in my life.  The last time was in Orlando where I sang “Ice, Ice, Baby.”  There was not a single sound from the crowd at the conclusion of that rendition.  I must’ve gotten hammered because I did quite a few songs at Ruslan’s club.  Bounce was very scared to sing, but she was actually pretty good.  Caitlin and Erika sang a few, and Ruslan surprised us all with a few renditions of a few Russian songs.  Overall, a great time!

Day 6 – Monday

Bounce:  Tired from a long weekend.  Wondering why she didn’t see any black people today.

Black people count:  Remains at 6

Went into the bar today.  Had a meeting with all of the managers and owners regarding all of my notes from the first week.  I think it went well.  It is nice to know that the advice I give them is not falling on deaf ears.  The coyote concept, in my opinion, is a lot tougher to understand than it may seem.  It takes a lot of training to actually get it right.  I have my fingers crossed that they are able to get it quickly and run with it.

The bar was very slow tonight.  We need to get the weekdays up and running.

Day 7 – Tuesday

Bounce:  Wondering where the black people are?

Black people count: 7

Pump, the girls, and I went in tonight to observe and push the girls some while on their shift.  They got a decent crowd in there and the girls were selling bodyshots like crazy.  It was good to see.  We gave them pointers throughout the night and we may have had a few cocktails during the night.  It was a long night, but I think a lot was accomplished by it.

Pump is beginning to feel worthless.  He really can’t communicate with the security staff, so he is just mainly focusing on keeping the American girls safe during their stay.  He wasn’t feeling well tonight, but he toughed it out.  He’s been great at making sure the girls don’t do anything retarded, so kudos to him….

Day 8 – Wednesday

Bounce:  Wondering why people still speak to you in Russian when they know you don’t speak Russian.  Also wondering where all the black people are.  Still alive and kicking.

Black people count: 8, 9, 10

I think I got a bit hammered last night.  Anna and I were talking downstairs for awhile.  Didn’t really realize it until I woke up this morning.  I needed to get drunk.  I’ve been a lot more sober in Russia than I expected.  They don’t drink vodka for breakfast like I was hoping they would.  I would probably have to move here if that was the case…..

Okay, this was a fucked up day.  The girls and I were running out of clothes, so Ruslan arranged for a driver to pick us up and take us to a Laundromat.  Wow!  It was 45 minutes away.  It was tiny.  It had a little old lady that kept speaking Russian to us even though we had told her multiple times that we only speak English.  It had the slowest water in the world.  It didn’t have enough seats.  Anyways, it ended up taking us about 5 hours to do our laundry.  I felt bad for the drivers waiting on us.  The water was just dripping, so washing a load took almost 2 hours.  Insane.  The Russian lady that was in charge kept talking to us, so I started singing her a song in English.  It went something like, “This laundromat blows, your water sucks.”  She didn’t understand.  The dryers sucked too, so I ended up just taking my clothes back wet.  I ended up trying to sleep on the floor while Bounce, Erika, and Caitlin tried to sleep on the chairs…  Brutal.

We went into the bar tonight and I had just sat down to start working on email when Ruslan walked up to me and said, “You want to go to strip club again.”  Needless to say, my arm did not have to get twisted.  He and I went while Pump and the girls stayed at coyote working with the girls.  Was fun hanging out with him.  We went to a couple of places and had a great time.  The women here are stunning and ridiculously thin and in shape.  I also added 3 to the black people count while there….